Friday, May 28, 2010

Numerically Speaking

1. I FINALLY figured out why, when I listen to Kid Rock's Cowboy on the regular radio, they do this:
I'm gonna paint the town red 
And paint his wife [EDIT] 
Kid Rock actually says "white" and I could NOT, for the life of me, figure out why the FCC would demand that the word white is edited out of a song.
Paint her white to be part of the KKK? [Edit because the KKK is racist?] 
Paint her white to be a ghost? [Edit because ghosts are racist?]
And then, the other day as I was driving home, I had an epiphany - paint her white with SPOOGE! Right?
It's the only thing that makes marginal sense.

[I still don't understand why Eminem is edited when he raps in "Lose Yourself" about
These hoes {which I actually thought was "his boss"-thanks, metrolyrics.com!} don't want him no mo', he's cold (EDIT/product)
Because what does that mean? Cold product? He can't get a boner? Poor Eminem.]

2. I truly could not be less interested in Sex and the City - read Candace Bushnell's book years ago and was appalled at how terrible it was, so I never watched the show or the other movie. That being said, I have become nearly obsessed with reading reviews of how awful the new movie is. Part of me is deliciously schadenfreud-y. Another part is wondering why everyone is so late to the party. Still another part of me is wondering what, exactly, people expected from this brand.  Why the surprise?

3. I have so much cockadoodie work to do that I am pretty close to panicking. I'm marginally closer to going fetal and taking a nap. What I should do is edge myself closer to the point where I shower and become a productive person, but that couch is calling me. I've already put in what feels like a full day. I should unionize and make sure I get time and a half for the rest of it.

4. I have several packets of seeds [flowers AND vegetables, impressive, right? It's like I'm Amish!] sitting in my office, waiting to be planted. I keep telling myself that I'm waiting to make sure there isn't another freeze, but after this week's 85+ weather, I think I'm kidding myself.

Oh!  Brilliant plan!  Make the girl plant them.  That way, she's getting involved in nature and learning a skill, and I don't have to get uber-cranky because the outdoors is trying to touch me.

5. I don't have a number 5. I just feel like a list of 5 things is marginally more imposing than a list of 4 things.  Even if the 5th thing is random and none of the other 4 things actually go together. Perhaps I am fooling myself. Perhaps.

6 comments:

  1. 1) I have never gotten that until just now. Thank you SO much.

    2) I'm also really into reading bad reviews of SATC - especially the funny ones!

    3)The lure of the couch is strong, few can resist.

    4) Hey, I'm impressed you've gotten that far, I'm so lazy I never even plan on stuff like that.

    5) You're right, five is definitely better.

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  2. Okay, I read the whole post, and totally agree that 5 is better than four. But what really got me was #1...thank you!! I never knew what it meant either, duh!

    Thanks for swinging by my blog this morning! I'll be back to visit you!

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  3. My favorite? The feeling of guilt and things undone as I stare at those seed packets being suddenly transformed into the pride of excellent parenting!

    My daughters are gardening! Without me! I am teaching them to be independent and self-reliant!

    I ROCK!

    Also? I love that you use the word schadenfreude. I love that word. And the experience.

    kris@prettyalltrue.com

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  4. Meagan, the couch won. For a bit. Also, I still CAN'T STOP reading those bad reviews. It's like crack to me.

    Natalie, Isn't it amazing how much better 5 is than 4? And how simple the spooge explanation now seems?

    Kris, Being a good parent is a surprising combination of laziness and & discipline. And I agree - schadenfreude is delicious.

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  5. Schadenfreud-y? Nice. Never thought to use it as an adverb. You're expanding my vocabulary.

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  6. Alone, I will use my language powers wisely.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.