Thursday, August 12, 2010

I miss who I thought you were.

I had a friend since 1st grade.  A close friend.  A best friend.

It took me a number of years to realize that we'd grown apart.  I kept her in my loop, and it slowly began to dawn on me that I wasn't in hers.

It hurt, so badly, to realize that I wasn't as important a part of her life as I thought I was.  As she was to me.

We had a very, very close friendship.  Everyone though of us as a unit.  It's still painful and embarrassing to me when people who know us / knew us ask if I've seen or heard from her lately.  I haven't.  Not for a few years.

I know people grow apart.  I know that.  I've lost touch with people. 

I just never thought it would be with her.

I can't believe it, sometimes, that it was so easy for her to just stop calling.  To stop writing.  But I guess it was. 

I could only go on with things being one-sided for so long.  And then I stopped reaching out.

And it ended.

I miss her still.  Or who I thought she was to me.

Mama's Losin' It


  1. I know exactly how that feels and it sucks monkey balls. I'm sorry.

  2. Andy, it's weird, isn't it? How painful the loss of a friend is? Sorry you had to deal with this, too.

  3. I can totally relate. I actually got really choKed up reading this post. I'm so sorry.

  4. I always wonder what I did to deserve unfriendship, it really is hurtful.

  5. I wrote on this prompt, too.
    It's hard, isn't it?

  6. Tonya, I hate that you can relate. I got a bit choked up writing it. It still pains me.

    Angelia, Yes. I wonder that, too. What did I do? No explanation. Nothing.

    MaryPoppins, It's so hard to deal with, even years later.

  7. I know how you feel! I had a friend that I cared very much about. And it took me a long time to realize that she obviously never cared about me. It sucks.

  8. I hate it when perception and reality are at odds with each other.

    I don't know about you, but I always second-guess myself - why was my perception so far off? When did I become such a terrible judge of character? How could someone mean the world to me, and I mean nothing to her?


  9. Caitlin, Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate that moment of realization. But it's not even a moment, is it? It's waves.

    Alone - I do that too! I totally think it was me, my fault, that I was to blame. I have to remind myself that I make the best choices I could.


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