Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Really? Really.

I got a filling yesterday.  Without any numbing.  Why?  Because I am a fucked up, crazy-cakes fool.

I was far more fearful of the medication they would use to numb me than I was of the pain.  And then, of course, I was fearful of the composite they used for the filling.  Because, again, I'm a loon.

The good news is that it went fine.  I didn't freak out [much] [hardly at all] [honest], although I did have images of Marathon Man in my head:

Astonishingly similar.  Except my hair is longer.  And I'm a woman.  But otherwise, exactly the same.

Things I learned before, during and after my adventure:
  • I can work myself into a fine frenzy of panic.
  • Getting up at 3 FUCKING A.M. IN THE GODDAMN MORNING does not help matters.
  • My dentist also does not use numbing when he gets fillings, because it doesn't work on him.
  • He has gold fillings. 
  • He is NOT Flavor Flav
But how awesome would he be as a dentist? SO AWESOME! Right? I wonder if Chuck D would be there, too.  I would be at the dentist EVERY DAY if that were the case.
  • I am afraid to swallow my saliva when it's been tainted by dental stuff.
  • So I drove home with a mouth increasingly full of spit.  While trying to talk to the husband so I wouldn't freak out.
  • I was almost tempted to do the disgusting spit outside your car door while at a stop light, but I did not, because 1. THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING, and 2. There was a cop next to me almost the whole way home.
  • Also, an Alfred Hitchcockian swarm of birds sailed over my car and several of them shat on my windshield.  I guess that's a sign that I'll be getting a carwash tomorrow.
  • And finally, I had a GIANT FUCKING CHIN HAIR poking out of my chin.  Which is at the bottom of my mouth.  Which is where the dentist and hygienist had their attention focused for about 30 minutes.  Yeah.  CHIN HAIR.  
 So that was my day yesterday.  I also read your answers to my queries [more or less pretentious than adding a "u" to words?  What do you think?] and fell in love with all of you all over again.  You are amazing.  Truly.

What did you do? 


Oh, I was also at work yesterday.  Here's a little something about the workplace for your reading enjoyment over at Secret Society of List Addicts.  Ah, co-workers.  Who doesn't love you?


  1. Every time I come over here, you crack me up.

    I cannot CANNOT imagine dental work without numbing first.


    Still don't believe it, and feel you're confusing this with an annual cleaning. xo

  2. You sound like a real delight right now.

    And you didn't hear it from me, but there's a strong possibility the government is now tracking you.

  3. GAAAAH. you're either brave or crazy. myabe a little of coulmn A, little of column B.

  4. Empress - thank you! That's so nice. Actually, the drilling wasn't so bad. Wait. It was.

    Wendi - Are those black helicopters?

    Magnolia - More column B, I think. Lots more.

  5. My mother never gets any numbing either. (Where are you guys getting your super-hero strength from?) I, however am having a tooth pulled this month and am going under general anesthesia. Next month, a routine cleaning... with Xanax. I am not afraid to admit that I am quite possibly the world's biggest wussy when it comes to dentistry. My philosophy is the more drugs the better.

  6. Oh, Heather, you are fantastic. Truly. You really made my evening!

  7. The only problem with getting Xanax for a cleaning is that they only prescribe, like, 4 pills. Fill the jar or go home, dude!

  8. I'm getting drilled on Monday and I'm out of Xanax. Can I show up drunk ya think?

  9. While I agree that Flavor Flav would make a great dentist I would not, by any means, go see him. God knows where the hell those hands have been!
    I hate the dentist and 3AM wake ups so my sympathies for your horrible ass day!!


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