When I was about 14 or so, my life became a train wreck.
For lots of reasons, but mostly because who I wanted to be was not who my parents wanted me to be. Everyone goes through this rebellion, I know. It was awful and exasperating and I hated every minute of it. There was a lot of animosity on my part and relations between my parents and me were strained for a long time.
When the husband and I had the girl, we [half] jokingly discussed sending her away to boarding school for the awkward teenage years, so we wouldn't have to deal with her.
The girl turns 14 in a few days.
We are now in the process of applying to boarding schools.
We're doing this for a lot of reasons. Not because we don't want to deal with her, but because we want her to have the opportunities we never had. Mostly. And partly because, you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Distance has become important in our relationship.
I have come to understand, these past couple of weeks, that I get along A LOT better with the girl if I don't directly talk to her about stuff. I kind of circle around and play hard to get and let her come to me. Like a wary kitten or something.
This saddens me. A lot. Because the girl and were CLOSE. So very, very close. Talk about everything all the time close. And I know that the point of her growing up and becoming her own person is that she has to distance herself from me. I know this intellectually, but emotionally it's hard to deal with. I love my kid and I want what's best for her and I want us to keep talking and talking and talking.
But I guess I have to settle for loving her and wanting what's best for her and waiting.
Waiting for her to come home to me.