In Memoriam - Gilmore Girls

There are things I love - television shows, movie franchises, book series - that have disappointed me.  I mean, I started out loving them, and then . . . they falter. 


And I give them a second chance. 


And they suck even worse.


I've decided to give eulogies to the things I once loved that have been wrenched from my life because of shitty writing or execution.  Here are their sad tales.

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The story of a mother and her daughter. And her mother. And the town of Stars Hollow.

Gilmore Girls.

How is that much gorgeous even allowed on one show?

[I should warn you, this is going to be a long, quote intensive post.  Go pee and grab a cup of whatever to settle in for a while.  Totally worth it, though.]

I can't even explain to you how much I loved this show.  Like, I wanted to BE in this show. Or at least Amy Sherman-Palladino and I would be BFFs and we could talk about how awesome this show was.  And, you know, I could write a couple of episodes.  What? It could happen.

I loved this show so much that I wouldn't even talk to the husband OR the girl while it was on.  I would make sure that the girl was in bed before it came on, and if she wasn't? Well, the husband was on duty, and they had both better be quiet so mommy didn't miss a single fucking brilliant word.

Needless to say, I have this on DVD.

Well, I have the first 6 seasons.  Because at the end of that 6th season, stupid fucking WB or whoever decided they didn't need AS-P [that's what I call her, because we're besties] around to work on this brilliant show she created and wrote and directed and . . . did you also know that AS-P wrote for the Roseanne show? How fucking awesome is that?

Another stellar example of excellent writing and smart execution of a good tv show.

Anyway, end of season 6, and AS-P is out and even as the season is ending you can tell that things are going horribly, horribly wrong, because *SPOILER ALERT* Luke & Lorelai are finally together and then she goes and brings in some stupid ass long-lost kid of Luke's. WTF? And then Lorelai and Christopher end up shacking up and . . .

And the whole 7th season? CRAPTACULAR.  I mean, I watched most of it, of course, but I watched it and complained and complained and complained.

Because it was miserable.

No more snappy patter.

No more smart, funny story lines.

No more interesting characters and quick moving episodes.

It turned into a shitty soap opera - sort of like what One Tree Hill would be, which I'm guessing at, because I never actually watched it because that dude Chad Whatever The Hell Is His Name was on it, and he was already obnoxious on Gilmore Girls as Tristan.

This guy.  He looks like a world-class douche, doesn't he?

So, I guess this is a kind of really sad In Memoriam, in that everything up until AS-P left was pretty fucking amazing.  Such as:


Sookie, who is overweight but never made fun of or looked at in disgust or made to go on a diet nor is it even mentioned that she's not the "perfect" size.  She has a great job, great friends, finds love, marries, has kids, has the most "normal" life of anyone on the show.

I LOVE Sookie. She's so fucking fantastic and funny.  I even liked her on that show "Samantha Who?" I feel awful that now she's on some show about being fat.  She's too gorgeous to be a one note actress.

Jackson: I think we should get married.
Sookie: But - uh, but...
Jackson: Soon.
Sookie: Are you pregnant? 


AND


Sookie: What's going on?
Lorelai: Michel's gonna live forever.
Sookie: Like the kids from 'Fame'?
Lorelai: That's what I said.  

Michel. Dude. How do you not love the bitter, disdainful, French wonder that is Michel?  He's got the best lines, the best attitude, and he's pretty fucking easy on the eyes.

Remember when he was hiding from those obnoxious kids? Or when his dog ate Taylor's shoe? Or when he pretended he wasn't French so as not to deal with the obnoxious French people?

Rory: I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.
Michel: I believe that memo has already been sent.

Lorelai and Rory.  This is the mother-daughter duo I wanted to be.  Close. Caring. Funny. Smart. And smoking hot. They are up on their pop culture and can reference the most obscure things and make them seem cool. And so. much. snappy. patter.

Remember when they were watching Grey Gardens and realized that could be them? I TOTALLY GET THAT.  And worry about it, a little.  Maybe a lot.

Rory: One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird.
Lorelai: Weirder than other guys?
Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

The entire Gilmore family.  They were complex and biting and funny and demanding and you'd better bring your A-Game when you show up at that house.

I love the dynamic between them all - mad, angry, loving, sad. 

Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?
Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.

AND

Emily: I did not steal your father, I simply gave him a choice.
Richard: When you came to my fraternity in that blue dress, I had no choice.
Lorelai: You stole my father with fashion.
Emily: I can't believe you remember the dress.
Lorelai: I can't believe you were the other woman.

And, of course, Luke and Lorelai. A love story for the ages.  Or for TV. Or whatever. It was wonderful.  Until it got stunk up with a stupid Cousin Oliver bullshit kid for Luke.

Luke and Lorelai at Liz's wedding - quite possibly the most romantic moment of the show.

Plus, they were funny as hell:
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel - and bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

And Kirk and Taylor and Lane's band and Miss Patty and Sally Struthers as Babette [SALLY STRUTHERS, PEOPLE!] and Paris - oh, a whole blog post could be dedicated to Paris.  So much goodness.

And the Kims! Who doesn't love Mrs. Kim? And Lane's ability to construct a WHOLE OTHER LIFE. I could totally relate to that.  Totally and completely.

There were, however, a few Negatives:
Rory's boyfriends.  Jess is the stereotypical badboy and he grates on my nerves.  He's very one-note and it's unfortunate. Logan is a douche.  Everything about him grates on my nerves, from his awful, awful acting inability to his smarmy smile to his horrible nicknaming of Rory [really? Ace?  That's the best you can do?]. Super-privileged rich guy who Rory hates and then, for absolutely no reason that I can discern, loves. 

If AS-P really wanted to create a memorable, wonderful guy for Rory named Logan, she could have gone with Logan from Veronica Mars.

Good god, I hope he's at least 18.  You know what? Don't care.

Rory, sometimes.  She is . . . a paradox.  I like her and then she annoys me.  She was passive aggressive, shitty to her mom [of course, what goes around comes around, Lorelia]. She wouldn't break up with Dean even though she'd started to fall for Jess [ugh! JESS!] and made Dean break up with her TWICE. She trashes the nicest guy on the whole show.  But she's smart and funny. Stupid depth of character.

That whole fucking 7th season. It was so terrible. I sometimes think about picking it up, just for a sense of completion and because I can fast forward through the awful parts, but I can't make myself do it.

So, that's what I think of Gilmore Girls.  I loved this show so much it was like a death when it got shitty, and like a smaller death when it finally ended.

BUT. If you haven't seen this, oh, my god, you have to.  The first 6 seasons [o.k., 5 1/2] are awesome.