Wednesday, April 6, 2011

In Memoriam - Gilmore Girls

There are things I love - television shows, movie franchises, book series - that have disappointed me.  I mean, I started out loving them, and then . . . they falter. 

And I give them a second chance. 

And they suck even worse.

I've decided to give eulogies to the things I once loved that have been wrenched from my life because of shitty writing or execution.  Here are their sad tales.

The story of a mother and her daughter. And her mother. And the town of Stars Hollow.

Gilmore Girls.

How is that much gorgeous even allowed on one show?
[I should warn you, this is going to be a long, quote intensive post.  Go pee and grab a cup of whatever to settle in for a while.  Totally worth it, though.]

I can't even explain to you how much I loved this show.  Like, I wanted to BE in this show. Or at least Amy Sherman-Palladino and I would be BFFs and we could talk about how awesome this show was.  And, you know, I could write a couple of episodes.  What? It could happen.

I loved this show so much that I wouldn't even talk to the husband OR the girl while it was on.  I would make sure that the girl was in bed before it came on, and if she wasn't? Well, the husband was on duty, and they had both better be quiet so mommy didn't miss a single fucking brilliant word.

Needless to say, I have this on DVD.

Well, I have the first 6 seasons.  Because at the end of that 6th season, stupid fucking WB or whoever decided they didn't need AS-P [that's what I call her, because we're besties] around to work on this brilliant show she created and wrote and directed and . . . did you also know that AS-P wrote for the Roseanne show? How fucking awesome is that?

Another stellar example of excellent writing and smart execution of a good tv show.
Anyway, end of season 6, and AS-P is out and even as the season is ending you can tell that things are going horribly, horribly wrong, because *SPOILER ALERT* Luke & Lorelai are finally together and then she goes and brings in some stupid ass long-lost kid of Luke's. WTF? And then Lorelai and Christopher end up shacking up and . . .

And the whole 7th season? CRAPTACULAR.  I mean, I watched most of it, of course, but I watched it and complained and complained and complained.

Because it was miserable.

No more snappy patter.

No more smart, funny story lines.

No more interesting characters and quick moving episodes.

It turned into a shitty soap opera - sort of like what One Tree Hill would be, which I'm guessing at, because I never actually watched it because that dude Chad Whatever The Hell Is His Name was on it, and he was already obnoxious on Gilmore Girls as Tristan.
This guy.  He looks like a world-class douche, doesn't he?

So, I guess this is a kind of really sad In Memoriam, in that everything up until AS-P left was pretty fucking amazing.  Such as:

Sookie, who is overweight but never made fun of or looked at in disgust or made to go on a diet nor is it even mentioned that she's not the "perfect" size.  She has a great job, great friends, finds love, marries, has kids, has the most "normal" life of anyone on the show.
I LOVE Sookie. She's so fucking fantastic and funny.  I even liked her on that show "Samantha Who?" I feel awful that now she's on some show about being fat.  She's too gorgeous to be a one note actress.
Jackson: I think we should get married.
Sookie: But - uh, but...
Jackson: Soon.
Sookie: Are you pregnant? 


Sookie: What's going on?
Lorelai: Michel's gonna live forever.
Sookie: Like the kids from 'Fame'?
Lorelai: That's what I said.  

Michel. Dude. How do you not love the bitter, disdainful, French wonder that is Michel?  He's got the best lines, the best attitude, and he's pretty fucking easy on the eyes.
Remember when he was hiding from those obnoxious kids? Or when his dog ate Taylor's shoe? Or when he pretended he wasn't French so as not to deal with the obnoxious French people?
Rory: I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.
Michel: I believe that memo has already been sent.

Lorelai and Rory.  This is the mother-daughter duo I wanted to be.  Close. Caring. Funny. Smart. And smoking hot. They are up on their pop culture and can reference the most obscure things and make them seem cool. And so. much. snappy. patter.
Remember when they were watching Grey Gardens and realized that could be them? I TOTALLY GET THAT.  And worry about it, a little.  Maybe a lot.
Rory: One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird.
Lorelai: Weirder than other guys?
Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

The entire Gilmore family.  They were complex and biting and funny and demanding and you'd better bring your A-Game when you show up at that house.

I love the dynamic between them all - mad, angry, loving, sad. 
Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?
Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.


Emily: I did not steal your father, I simply gave him a choice.
Richard: When you came to my fraternity in that blue dress, I had no choice.
Lorelai: You stole my father with fashion.
Emily: I can't believe you remember the dress.
Lorelai: I can't believe you were the other woman.

And, of course, Luke and Lorelai. A love story for the ages.  Or for TV. Or whatever. It was wonderful.  Until it got stunk up with a stupid Cousin Oliver bullshit kid for Luke.
Luke and Lorelai at Liz's wedding - quite possibly the most romantic moment of the show.
Plus, they were funny as hell:
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel - and bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

And Kirk and Taylor and Lane's band and Miss Patty and Sally Struthers as Babette [SALLY STRUTHERS, PEOPLE!] and Paris - oh, a whole blog post could be dedicated to Paris.  So much goodness.
And the Kims! Who doesn't love Mrs. Kim? And Lane's ability to construct a WHOLE OTHER LIFE. I could totally relate to that.  Totally and completely.

There were, however, a few Negatives:
Rory's boyfriends.  Jess is the stereotypical badboy and he grates on my nerves.  He's very one-note and it's unfortunate. Logan is a douche.  Everything about him grates on my nerves, from his awful, awful acting inability to his smarmy smile to his horrible nicknaming of Rory [really? Ace?  That's the best you can do?]. Super-privileged rich guy who Rory hates and then, for absolutely no reason that I can discern, loves. 

If AS-P really wanted to create a memorable, wonderful guy for Rory named Logan, she could have gone with Logan from Veronica Mars.
Good god, I hope he's at least 18.  You know what? Don't care.
Rory, sometimes.  She is . . . a paradox.  I like her and then she annoys me.  She was passive aggressive, shitty to her mom [of course, what goes around comes around, Lorelia]. She wouldn't break up with Dean even though she'd started to fall for Jess [ugh! JESS!] and made Dean break up with her TWICE. She trashes the nicest guy on the whole show.  But she's smart and funny. Stupid depth of character.

That whole fucking 7th season. It was so terrible. I sometimes think about picking it up, just for a sense of completion and because I can fast forward through the awful parts, but I can't make myself do it.

So, that's what I think of Gilmore Girls.  I loved this show so much it was like a death when it got shitty, and like a smaller death when it finally ended.

BUT. If you haven't seen this, oh, my god, you have to.  The first 6 seasons [o.k., 5 1/2] are awesome.


  1. I loved it too - until the ending, anyway!

    AND I feel the same way about Sookie - in fact, I was so pissed off about her current "show" I write an entire tirade just about that.


    And finally, in that 1st poster, Rory kinda looks like a happy vampire, no?

  2. I will not insult your intelligence and pretend that I watched Gilmore Girls.

    Because I didn't.

    But this post sort of makes me yearn for it anyway.

    I need to get a life.

  3. Jess >>>>>> Tristan >>>>>> Logan >>>>>> Dean.

    I'm really good at math.

    April is the DEVIL!

    Loved this post, it made my morning!


  4. Totally agree with you. Love this post! Loved Gilmore Girls until it got bad.

  5. I didn't watch it. But kinda wish I did because of Parenthood and I love her on it. Seems like same character no?
    New favorite word for the day: CRAPTACULAR.
    Love it.

  6. This post was worth it (and yes, I did pour myself a cup of coffee as you'd suggested).

    I didn't watch the Gilmore Girls because I gave birth to my second child in 1999 and therefore slept/cried through all shows that started up in 2000 (I Googled it).

    Still. I remember my mother watching and telling me EVERY WEEK I needed to watch the show. (She wanted to be Lorelei for SURE) and my mom is super smart and actually fairly snappy with dialogue herself.

    But I was breastfeeding and teaching full time and had a two-year-old and was too damn tired (plus? the bedtime wine) for television that made me think.

    And my mom was too busy watching Gilmore Girls to help, so I never did watch it.

    Now? I am going to rent the DVD's. Because I think Lauren Graham is ridiculously gorgeous and smart and I want to lose myself in Biblical insults.

    Still. I will not call my mom and tell her she's right.

    Screw that.

    (Sorry for the long comment. But really? Once I read the "Cousin Oliver" reference, I was already knee-deep in this post and knew I had a lot to say.)

    Maybe you and I should write a show together.

    I'm still tired and I still like wine at night, but I'm not breastfeeding so there's that.

  7. Okay, normally I'm too lazy for super long posts but I read all of this and it was so freaking entertaining and worth it. Which is hilarious, as I've never seen Gilmore Girls. Clearly, I'm deprived. Though Roseanne also ended horrible/weirdly, so maybe that's just a destiny for great shows, that they must end stupid. Anyway, I clearly need to see this show, so thanks for letting me know!

    (And I'm going to spend the rest of the day thinking of Logan. Oh, Logan.)


    You did a post on Gilmore Girls!

    I love love love love love this show. You are right about the 7th season. I found it LONG, boring, cliche.

    I, too, own the DVDs. They're my go to comfort option. At least twice a year I'll watch the entire series.

    I hope AS-P does another show.

  9. ok, you had me at Gilmore Girls. And then you know Veronica Mars too?! I think we're TV soul mates.

  10. This is the best post ever. I loved this show. The Mr even loved this show. The next time we have a marathon (usually in the fall because the Gilmore Girls are perfect for fall), you're invited.

    Related: The Mr's favorite thing to say is "why does Luke always homeless?"

  11. I loved this show (well, except that last bit with April. Ugh.) The only problem I ever had that lasted the whole show was that the Kim's supposedly belonged to the same religion I do (Adventist) and there were so. many. errors. with the religion it drove me nuts! But I forgave them for not doing their research because there were enough good points.

    And this post made my day!

  12. Now that I maybe have cat scratch fever, I need to bulk up my Netflix list. Hello, "Gilmore Girls." Thanks for the primer.

  13. Yes, yes yes. Sookie - yes! Although I love Mike and Molly - the writing is smart and funny and it isn't belaboured that they're overweight, they just happened to meet at the support group. And Ling's Mom, and Ling (although Ling getting married at nineteen and having horrible sex once and having twins - wait, was that season 7? probably). And Luke always did look kinda homeless - part of his charm, I guess. And I'm not sure Alexis Bledel is even any kind of an actress, but she was somehow perfect for that one part. And I loved Veronica Mars. I want to watch TV with you.

  14. Our entire wing would get together and watch Gilmore Girls. I secretly loved Sookie best because I was a big girl too. I envied Lorelai and Rory's relationship...

  15. Oh I know your pain. I felt this way about Sports Night. I still mourn that show.

  16. Loved your post about Gilmore Girls. Best show ever. Best writing ever.

    Oh how I miss it.

    And I too wanted to live in that show. Sadly after it ended I now want to live in the American Girl store, so yes it has been all downhill since the finale.


  17. I never, ever saw it.

    See this? I am turning over a new leaf and telling the truth from now on, so as to build my relationships on rock, not sand.


  18. Yes, yes, yes, he's over 18. I've been drooling over VM's Logan for years now, but it's all on the up and up, I swear.

    I stopped watching Gilmore Girls during the 7th season because it got so bad, but I had no idea why! Such a shame.

    And - we are kindred spirits:

  20. Yes yes yes yes. My heart broke SO DAMNED BAD.

    Except, the thing I hate MOST about The Gimore Girls? They spell my name wrong.

    It's LORELEI you idiots!!!

  21. I started watching Gilmore Girls with my oldest daughter when she was in elementary school. For a short while it was our show, our thing, our time. Then she started hating the show. I kept on watching it alone. Nothing, nothing at all got in the way of my GG viewing. Everyone knew to just leave me the hell alone and keep their snarky comments to themselves. Even though the last season sucked, I still cried (yes, I'll admit it here) when the show ended. I don't think I've ever done that for any TV show ever before. I think I still miss it.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.