Monday, June 6, 2011


This is as close to a PSA as I'm going to get.  Unless it's about the need for people to stop being assholes.  Because I could go on all day about that.

Last week, I went in for a yearly mammogram.  Good times, I know.

I'm no fan of having my boobs squished [if you are, I'm not judging, I mean, everyone's got their own thing, right?], but I AM a fan of preventative care.  Especially with my need to live FOREVER.  How else will I control the world, if not through sheer longevity?  Isn't that how vampires do it?  Or Republicans? OH MY GOD! Are Republicans VAMPIRES? Dick Cheney has no heartbeat - it's true, isn't it?  They're Mormons and vampire - watch out! It's Mitt Romney!

Where was I?  Oh, right:

A few years ago, during my first mammogram, a tiny little lump was found.

It was biopsied and benign [greatest word EVER in the history of language].  I cannot tell you my relief. I also cannot explain to you the anxiety I had while waiting for the results.  I'm a dweller.  I'm also an ignorer.  It's a crapshoot as to which is holding sway over my mental faculties at the moment.  I can go along, just thinking tra la la la [or, more like it, "LOSE yourself in the MOMENT you better NEVER LET IT GO remember it's ONE SHOT --" You know where I'm going with this, right?

Is he thinking of dirty things he wants us to do? Yes. Yes, he is. From here.
That's where I'm always going with it.] anyway, I'm thinking tra la la la la, everything's fine and then WHAM I get the crazy anxiety shooting through my brain with a thousand WHAT IFs and even more MUST MAKE PLANS FOR EVERY CONTINGENCY!  It's kind of tiring.

But, most important, it reminds me that I should do whatever I can to take care of myself, and I need all of YOU to take care of yourselves, because you make my days brighter.  Always.  [As in forever, NOT as in the maxi pad.]




  1. Here's me, admitting I haven't done the breast sandwich thing for YEARS. Need a pap, too. Must set up the unpleasantness for the autumn. Why not add pain and humiliation in the stirrups to crappy weather?

  2. Unmitigated - WHAT???? NOOOOO!!! You must. You really must. Adding pain and humiliation to all seasons is a constant source of delight.

  3. Did you read my email chain rant from last week? The medical issue.....take a guess.

  4. I've not yet had the pleasure of getting my boobies squished, but I'm sure it will be a part of my life all too soon. I can totally relate, however, to the ignore/obsess cycle. It's an art form!

  5. I haven't had to yet, I am not "of age." But since I followed my mother's footsteps and had mine "enhanced".. i am sure the squishing will be weird.

  6. Oh, the pain..but it must be done.

    I love how they say, "don't ...move."

    Where am I going to go??

  7. I love you so hard. so hard.

    also: so glad you're well. because you can't leave me.

  8. I just wish the people at my mammogram place would have more of a sense of humor. I'm always trying to make conversation, like, "So, when you were a little girl, did you know you wanted to squeeze tits for a living?" and I get nothing. They're all too busy tiptoeing around me like my boobs are make of blown glass and if they breathe hard they'll shatter. Hey, these things have fed people who couldn't have cared less that their little vampire mouths were killing me. I'm pretty sure they'll survive your damn mammogram machine.

  9. Love love love you.

    PS have yet to put up your post but will let you know as soon as I do. I need a little levity. Besides it's too good to NOT share with the world...or at least the dozen or so people who read my blog on the regular. ;)

  10. i hate the boobie squish - but it's important. so important.

  11. I LOVE to dwell. It's pretty much what I do best. I obsess and fret and hem and haw and mull and change my mind eleventy trillion times and then eventually a little blog post is born.

  12. I haven't gone yet- I think I'm supposed to start next year. I CAN'T WAIT. Go ahead doctor, TRY to squish my non-existent boobies. Unless he's using tweezers, I can't see how this is going to work out. Hooray for being built like an 11 year old!

  13. Who doesn't love boobs, especially healthy ones! Thanks for posting :-)

  14. "As in forever. NOT the maxi pad."

    Oh my. Love you so much I'll share Mr. Mathers with you.

    When he calls. Which I'm sure he will.

    Once he hears about our boobs.

  15. Good job! (I got nothing right now.) I'm burnt, tired, swamped and cross. But I still just wanted to let you know I care.

  16. Hi, Suniverse,
    You mean some women like Mammograms? The damn fools.
    You know, I used to have sooooooooooo much anxiety about stuff like that before my sister was murdered....i used to go insane with worry and dread....but not now.
    Isn't that weird.
    Love your blog :)

  17. Way to go...boobie smashing is not for wimps. Happy for the benign!

    There must be something in the air. I posted about mammograms and my experience with genetic testing a week or so ago. Another of my blogger friends posted about her mamm experience and biopsy.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.