Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Karma is a bitch. So am I. Two will enter. One will leave.

Kismet         [If it's fated]
Inshallah      [God willing]
Fate              [Destiny]
Karma          [You know this one]

All of these things conspired against and/or with me last week to keep me from sliding from bitchdom to jerkhood.

Let me explain:

As I may have mentioned a time or a million, I have been PTA president this past year at my daughter's school.  So I've spent a lot of my time and money on crap for this school that, quite frankly, sometimes was done grudgingly.  But I did it.  I did it and you know what? In the end, I'm glad I could help out.  I like to organize things and I like to be in charge and I like to make a difference.

I do NOT like it when I feel like I'm being dickslapped by the universe.

I spent hours and hours and money on the end of the year party for the school.  Fine.  Even though I thought it was ridiculous, I stepped up when no one else did and organized it.  I ran the set up and I ran the party and I oversaw the cleanup.  I worked my ass off for that school.

At which point I found out I owed the school $50.

The girl tells me that somehow she's had someone else's textbook for one of her classes all year, he's had someone else's, three or four other people have different books registered to them and no one seems to know what happened to hers. Obviously, there's been some sort of mix-up in registering the books.  OBVIOUSLY.

The teacher sends me a nice, very detailed email about the missing book.  And the note that he is truly, truly sorry, but I have to pay $50 or the girl's grades won't be sent to her new school.


I'm sorry, did I not just spend countless hours dealing with school crap that, had I billed at even a reduced rate for writing and NOT legal work, would still mean I was a couple thousand dollars in surplus for who owes what to whom? And didn't I just spend money on party donations? 

I don't blame the teacher.  Much.  I mean, I get it, it's district policy. 

But I was pissed.  The secretary was on my side and felt bad that she had to take my check.

So the entire drive to the school to hand over my $50 check, I kept thinking, "Fuck this.  I know there's at least $50 worth of candy & stuff from the party that I can take to even shit out.  I DESERVE $50 worth of candy." Even though I knew the kids were going to use the stuff on their trip to the amusement park a few days later.

Except as I was thinking it, I was getting that shame feeling, like I knew I was doing something really, really, really wrong.

So I dropped off the check and went to the storage room, because I had told the staff I needed to stop in there and I had to keep up appearances and not say, "Yeah, I changed my mind.  I'm not taking $50 worth of candy in return for the $50 book check."  I wasn't going to take any candy because that would result in me waiting for karma to turn around and kick me in the ass HARDER than the $50 check.  Which it would. And frankly? I've got enough on my plate.

And you know what? The fates had my back - because the candy was gone, so I wouldn't even be tempted [and in the throes of PMS? I WAS TEMPTED.].

Tell me, truly, would you have taken the candy?  I like to think I wouldn't have, even if it was there, not only because I am trying to be a better person, but also because I kind of fear the retribution.  What about you?


  1. I wouldn't have taken the candy. But, I for damn sure would have told the school to go scratch the next time they needed a bitch boy (or girl) to do any "steppin' and fetchin'" next year. And I would tell them why.

  2. depends if it was good candy. If it was just Jolly Ranchers and other worthless teeth sticking taffy crap no. But I may have taken some of the better candy.

    Because really...taking candy from the mouths of school kids is more like a public service for the school. Who needs them all hopped up on artificial colors and sugar after all! :)

    This is why I am no longer Parent Assoc. president. Too much BS..and not enough candy or recognition (unless it comes a year later when you no longer run it and the current president is lavished with public praise as "stepping up when everyone else abandoned it and doing the best job ever..blah blah blah". Ummm hello Principal "Most Awesome Social Skills ever", don't you realize that the previous president is currently in the room listening to your speech!?!? hahaha. Yeah Karma - love it!!!

  3. Wouldn't have taken it.

    Unless it was Junior Mints. I really love me some Junior Mints.

    Also? PTA is thankless. Period. Good on you for taking the high road. Karma ain't got NOTHIN on you, girlfriend.

  4. This is why I love home school. I AM the PTA and I'll take me some fucking candy, especially since it's already in the house.

    You're a great fuckin' chick and Karma knows that. :)

  5. I wouldn't have taken the candy, but I would have caused a standoff and said, "fine, don't send the grades, then what?" Why are you supposed to be the PTO rodeo clown AND be in charge of monitoring all the fucking textbooks too and paying for one that obviously got jacked IN the class??

  6. If I felt there was a mix up at registration I would have thrown an epic fit.....they would be stuffing snickers bars down my throat to shut me the fuck up. Probably.

  7. i never would have joined the PTA in the first place. that's signing up for years of torture. why bother....

  8. I think you need a break from volunteering at the school. I mean that in the kindest way. But, seriously, if I were in your shoes, it would not have been unusual for me to have taken the candy.

  9. I wouldn't have taken the candy.

    Always being on the upper plane of existence is what carries me through the valleys.

    You live on a different plane.

    Remember that.


  10. I spent three years being the exact same PTA sucker at our school and I, too, spent countless hours and dollars on the damn place. I would have taken the fucking candy. OR, I would have figured out a way to get the PTA to pay me $50 before I paid the teacher. Okay, I was the Treasurer and wrote all the checks so that part would have been easy for me. If it were me, I would have taken the candy. And some construction paper. And a shitload of pens.

  11. the way to do this next time? $50 in nickels. a bag of nickels- pillow case is better- then you swing that bitch at the head of the book keeping committee. its my experience that a bag of nickels solves everything.

  12. I probably wouldn't have taken all of it but at least a handful!

  13. I would NOT have taken the candy...that would be wrong. But I WOULD have locked the front, back and side doors of the school with link chain and heavy locks that I happen to keep in my trunk, and lit the motherfucker on fire. Ummm...that seems wrong too.

    Okay, maybe I'd just take the candy.

  14. When you put yourself out there to volunteer, you know you are going to do more than your fair share. You are pulling the weight for five, six, I don't know how many other parents who don't do anything at all. In the 12 or so years I've been in the school milieu, I've done little to nothing some years and done a whole hell of a lot other years. I try not to get into the whole: I did X amount of this so therefore I should Y amount of that back or discounted off. I used to get pissed off as all hell for not being acknowledged for my efforts. Then I realized the inequality of it all. If I'm in it for any kind of return, I'm in it for the wrong reasons. I try to think of how I felt after hard efforts went unnoticed when I attend some amazing school event, such as an end of year party, and I haven't done a damned thing to make it happen. I try to find a way to let those involved know that they did a great job. I know this doesn't address the candy issue but I had to respond. School volunteerism is a necessary but sucky evil.

  15. I'd prob. not have taken it, but then I'd NEVER EVER BE HELPFUL AGAIN.

  16. I honestly don't know. I volunteer at the school quite a bit but I'm not on the upper tiers - and truly, I think it's more normal to be like you (and me) and do it resentfully, because it has to get done. Some people seem to really get off on doing EVERYTHING (most of it half-assedly) and having everyone in the school know their name and having a hand in everything, and frankly it creeps me out a little.

  17. I would not take the candy. Not because I'm a good person, but because karma scares the crap outta me. I would, however, have gone to the nearest DQ and bought myself a jumbo blizzard.

  18. Give me your address and I'll send you $50 of candy for being so frickin awesome.

    Sarah xxx

  19. I wouldn't have taken the candy, and I'm glad you didn't either, because that would be wrong.

    You know, the thing about karma? It rewards the good AND the bad. So you totally have something real good coming your way.

  20. Yeah, I wouldn't have taken the candy . . . this time, I wouldn't have even been tempted. There is very, very bad juju about school candy.

    What I want to know is, wasn't there somebody who didn't turn in a book? Shouldn't that person be questioned as to why s/he didn't turn it in? That seems to be the only reasonable approach here. I know I lost a book or two through school (and, honestly, $50 for a dead tree textbook seems a bit ludicrous), but every time, it was at that moment that they'd check the details to see if someone else had turned it in.

    This scenario sounds like everybody was off by one, on a roster of names . . . it's difficult to hold anybody but the person who handed out the books accountable.

  21. Same thing happened to my daughter in high school. She very carefully handled a book that was registered to someone else. So even though she turned in a book, and the other kid didn't, I was the one who had to pay $77. Royally pissed me off.

  22. I just watched 'The Box' based on Button, Button by Richard Matheson. And now I'm totally comparing every possible situation to that film. And there's no way I'm pushing the button. I'm not even thinking about it. So, no, I wouldn't have taken the candy. But that's just because I'm now excessively paranoid. And watch too many films.

    Also - $50 for a book?! Was it gold plated?!

  23. I don't really like candy, so no. I wouldn't have taken it.

    But $50.00 worth of french fries? There's a good chance.

    and $50.00 worth of tequila.

    Gone. With me.

    (they don't let you bring tequila to school, though, do they. even if you're in the PTA.)

    Next year? no PTA for you. Okay?

    (and also you rock. sorry.)


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