Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Not as erudite as I thought.

Last week I got an email asking if I wanted tickets to go see Bizet's Carmen.  Well, sure.  I actually like opera and classical music and getting dressed up and going places. 

Granted, this wasn't New York or DC or even LA.  It was a Midwestern performance of an opera which, for some reason, I thought was Italian.  It's not.  It's French.  Strike one for my aura of smartitude.

Anyway, the tickets were cheap. 

So yeah, sure, the husband and I decided to go.

We get to Will Call and find that the tickets are so fucking cheap because the seats are in the LAST POSSIBLE ROW of the balcony.  I knew they'd be in the balcony, but last row? COME ON.

Did I mention to you that I get vertigo?  And not the Jimmy Stewart kind [which, seriously @modinkpeeb ? Jimmy Stewart is in no way sexier than Cary Grant.  NO WAY.].  The swoopy kind of vertigo.  It's not fun. 

So we climb and climb and climb stairs and finally get to the BACK of the place and sit down and I'm deep breathing [o.k., almost panting, whatever, I'm starting my water aerobics this week, let's relax, o.k.?] and trying not to look down except you know what? DOWN IS WHERE THE SHOW IS.

So I spent the show with my head turned sideways and looking out of the bottom corners of my eyes.  I highly recommend this viewing method next time you are at the opera.

ALSO - why the fuckity-roo do operas have to have those supertitles?  I first saw them about 15 years ago when we went to see a Wagner opera [of course I don't remember which one.  It was in German and had a boat.  Das Boot, maybe?]  I mean, I've got the libretto so I know what's going on, and I may not be fluent in the language, but I don't need to see exactly what words the people are singing, I can get that from the whole ambiance of the play, and also? The person in charge of the supertitles at Carmen? Was high or drunk, because they never matched up with what was going on.

So I kind of felt all superior and thought, "Screw these infidels, I'm not looking at the supertitles anymore because I am SO ABOVE ALL THAT [And not just because I needed a sherpa to get to my seat.  And also not just because it made me dizzy to look at them.]."

Until I recognized Carmen's first big number, Habanera, in Act I.  Because I recognized Carmen's song from Sesame Street.



I get props for it being Denyse Graves singing on Sesame Street, right?  [If you have never seen this, please do.  It's amazing.]

Then in Act II, I recognized the Toreador song from Gilligan's IslandI was pretty mortified and leaned over to mention this to my husband, who said, "That's o.k., I recognize the songs from Bugs Bunny."  Yeah.  We're together.

At the end of Act II, I asked the husband if we could leave, because it had already been well over 2 hours of sitting with my head twisted & there were two more acts, which meant at least 2 more hours and frankly? I was more than willing to just get a DVD and watch the last two acts.  Don't get me wrong, I really love the music and I am a HUGE fan of live theater, but I realized that I am a huge fan of live theater on the main floor only.

So we left, after I carefully made my way down down down down down the stairs. 

I highly recommend classing up your day with opera to see how much of a rube you are.  I bet I win.

31 comments:

  1. Hahaha - yeah. Figaro Figaro - It's all Bugs Bunny for me.

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  2. Awesome!! I think I would probably recognize a lot of the songs from Bugs Bunny. The husband, on the other hand, would be too busy with his hands over ears screaming "I'm not listening, I'm not listening!" to notice what song was playing. He's very cultural.

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  3. It sounds EXACTLY like a basketball game I got to go to in NC! Very top of the Greensboro Coliseum... I am terrified of heights & the seats were basically stacked on top of each other, so I didn't even have the benefit of feeling "protected" by the row in front/below me.

    I'd still like to see the opera, but I think I'll check out a DVD or something. I can get dressed up at home & on solid ground! Or, I suppose I could just watch some old Loony Tunes?

    Btw, can I vote for BOTH Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant? I'm not picky.

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  4. I've been to one opera, "Rigoletto," which I saw in the lovely Detroit Opera House. The truth? After I got over the excitement of the surroundings, the costumes and what-not, I was bored. Observation worth noting: The DOH crowd was polite to a fault. Not a peep or a fidget out of anyone. That alone made it worth the ticket price.

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  5. Skipper: Neither a borrower nor a lender be
    Do not forget, stay out of debt
    Think twice, and take this good advice
    from me
    Guard thine own sovereignty!
    There's just one other thing
    you ought do
    To thine own self be true!

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  6. Also:
    I ask to be
    or not to be
    That is the question that I ask of thee
    A boy who loves
    His mother's knee
    And so I say to be or not to be!

    I could go on for days.

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  7. Lady Estrogen - See? It's not just us. Whew.

    Tonya - That's why we need to go to the opera with EMINEM. Yum.

    Dizzy Goddeski - DVD is much better. I HATE those stupid stacked seats. All I do is picture people [me] falling and falling and falling.

    MomZombie - I LOVE the DOH. It's so gorgeous and every show I've seen there has been amazing. You're right about the crowds, too.

    Unmitigated Me - You are killing me dead. DEAD.

    PS MODINKPEEB IS AWESOME.

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  8. Dude.
    I didn't say he's SEXIER. I just said I PREFER him. I am allergic to classic sexy, for serious.

    You should be glad; I'll leave all the suave mofos for you. <3

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  9. JIMMY STEWART IS SO WAY MORE EVERYTHING BETTER AND GOODER THAN CARY GRANT. DID CARY GRANT EVER WIN AN OSCAR? NO. AND HIS REAL NAME WAS ARCHIE, FOR GOD'S SAKE. AND HE WAS A CIRCUS PERFORMER. EW.

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  10. French? I thought it was Spanish. Geez. Then again, I guess the Spanish aren't known for their operas. So much for my claim to being a Renaissance Man.
    By the way, since everything I know about classical music was learned from watching Bugs Bunny, I know what you mean.

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  11. Oh, yeah...didn't they play music from Carmen in "The Bad News Bears?" So, I'm ALL about classical music.

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  12. As to whether who is sexier, Cary Grant or Jimmy Stewart....they're both dead so I'm thinking Danny DeVito is probably sexier than both of them now (not that I even frikkin' know if a man is sexy or not).
    Okay, I'm done.

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  13. I love that elmo video. Seriously Sesame Street has the best guests! Thank you!

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  14. I remember the songs from Sesame Street, but it was a singing claymation orange.

    Did I mention that I'm goddamned OLD?

    Yeah. Shut up.

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  15. Oh my god.

    Spitting and snorting at the same time.

    Recognizing Opera from Looney Tunes.

    You two crack me up.

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  16. I <3 the opera, seriously (if I have any luck, I'll have a new post today about my love for the opera), but yeah, Sesame Street & Loony Tunes are, easily, the best way to keep up with the highlights.

    I loathe the translation machines. Hate hate hate.

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  17. Kelly - So much love for you. SO MUCH.

    Handflapper - Get off the hooch, sister, Cary Grant even made being named ARCHIE and being part of a circus TOTALLY HOT AND SEXY.

    Al - You are a man among men. Truly. Although Danny DeVito? Do you watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Do so. The Christmas Special. HE IS DISGUSTING.

    Juice - Isn't it brilliant?

    Lori - Claymation orange? I can't believe it.

    Empress - Our idiocy for your amusement.

    John - Oooh, can't wait to see your post. And those translation things? THE DEVIL!

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  18. I totally knew Carmen was French. Of course, I studied it in French class, so I had an edge. AND I also watched it from the nosebleed section, although I don't really get vertigo that much. I love Bugs Bunny. I'd probably pick Bugs Bunny over opera. Bugs Bunny doing opera? A special kind of bliss.

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  19. I am just damned please I have another great curse word that I've learned. Fuckity-roo. Love it!! Thanks for reading about my crazy family in Part 1 of our Mexican vacay. Part 2 is up. :)

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  20. Culcha? Yous don't know nothing about culcha!

    Oh Cary, you're so fine,
    you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Cary!!

    Clap clap
    Clap

    Hey Cary!

    Clap clap
    Clap

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  21. I first saw him in "Taxi." Yes. He is.

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  22. Oh, my, here I go again with multiple comments.....@Bibliomama: Did you ever see "What's Opera, Doc?" In that cartoon, Bugs is killed by Elmer. As the cartoon ends, Bugs picks his head up and says, "So what did you expect from an opera? A happy ending?"
    Hmm, so maybe he wasn't dead after all.

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  23. Ha, try not looking at the supertitles once they put them up there. I reflexively read the entire opera I went to recently. Which, incidentally, was not at all recently.

    I can't get behind Jimmy Stewart. Too skinny. And he says 'Garsh.'

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  24. I've never seen it and I doubt Ill go see an opera or anything that requires more than 3 hours of sitting down. I do 8 at work and it's more than enough entertainment.

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  25. I'm totally baffled by the concept of supertitles. What the fuck are supertitles?

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  26. I'm not classy enough or smart enough for opera. I had no idea what you were talking about, except for the Sesame Street part!

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  27. Gah. No thanks. I'm so off opera it hurts. Someone in my office listens to opera loudly on shitty headphones, smirking at her monitor ALL FUCKING DAY.

    So yeah, that's why I don't listen to opera. And also, because I can't sing along.

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  28. First, Sesame Street opera recognition?

    Awesome.

    Second, Bugs Bunny opera recognition?

    Even better.

    You?

    Are phenomenal.

    And seriously?

    How did I get THIS behind in reading blog posts?

    DAMN! It's like I went to Europe or something.

    Except Europe is Target.

    Crap.

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  29. I love you and your husband and would like for you to adopt me.

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  30. Seriously? There's a person on earth who thinks Jimmy Stewart is sexier than Cary Grant? How strong is the prescription on their glasses - because I think it needs to be stronger. Just sayin'.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.