The other day, I picked the girl up from school, because I coddle her and didn't want her to walk home 2 blocks from the bus stop in 95 degree heat. I am a coddler. I just am.
Anyway, she asked if we could swing by Target, and since I am ALWAYS up for going to Target [except for using their fucking pharmacy], we did.
And I swear to god, every fucking asshole in the universe was there, too. Here's just a sampling:
The asshole who decided to back his rape van into the parking space right next to me. Dude. Seriously. You are already an asshole for owning a van that immediately makes me start blowing on my rape whistle while rooting around for mace, do you have to add to your asshole-ish-ness by holding up all kinds of pedestrian and motor vehicle traffic so that you could back that piece of shit up into a parking spot? Are you going to be in that much of a rush to leave? Why? Because all I'm imagining is you heading into Target and then being driven from the store due to fondling yourself in the juniors department.
The asshole who decided to stop her cart RIGHT IN THE TRAFFIC FLOW of everyone else who was getting a cart to root around in her purse for . . . I don't even know what. What could be that important to find in your voluminous bag that you can't get past the $1 bins? Do you have a shopping list dedicated to $1 items? Because there is an ENTIRE STORE that would better suit your shopping needs. GO THERE.
The asshole who decided to write a check to pay her bill. Who does that? Why are you not using a debit card? Do you have that many extra checks in your checkbook and need to use them before they expire? Or do you want to order new ones with Precious Moments figurines on the background? And why, if you ARE going to use a check, didn't you fill everything out but the amount? People have shit to do, lady.
And finally, the assholes who let their feral kids roam free in Target, like it's a giant daycare center. Get a goddamn leash.
How was your weekend? I missed you.