Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I think you missed one - a love letter to my family.

As you may have gathered, I do pretty much all the cooking in our little household.  I don't mind it, generally, because I am pretty particular about my food [Let's talk about crazy food issues! I'll see your eating disorder and raise you crazed paranoia about potential allergies and possible poisonings!] and I'm also that person who says stuff like, "I'm hungry," and then shoots down everything offered as an option by anyone ever in the history of the world.

I'm fun to be around! Let's have a sleepover!

Anyway, the upside to doing all the cooking is that, in general, I'm relieved of clean up duties.  The husband usually does them and lately we've tried to get the girl to be exclusive kitchen cleaner since it's summer and she has no other obligations and we don't want her to lack in the womanly arts department.

I still end up doing the dishes sometimes.  Mainly when it's supposed to be the girl's turn and she's tired or it's late or there are so many dishes to wash.  Evidently I want her to be soft and unskilled, like veal.

We have a double sink, but limited counter space, so I came up with the ingenious idea of putting a dish drainer in the sink that doesn't have the garbage disposal in it, since we so very seldom handwash ANYTHING. God bless whoever invented the dishwasher.* We don't really need two sinks and we really do need somewhere to put the microwave and the coffee maker, so it worked out perfectly for everyone.  I think that's what synergy is.


Every once in a while when I'll do the dishes and actually handwash something and it will sit in that fucking dish drainer until the End Times because both the husband and the girl evidently have transitory hysterical blindness and can't see anything in that part of the kitchen.
Please ignore the water spots in my stainless steel sink.  Thanks!
See? That martini shaker has been there since July 4th.  That tile that the girl painted when she was maybe 4 years old and we use as a spoon rest?  Has been there at least 3 months and is now completely wedged into the space.  It's never coming out.  The meat thermometer?  A couple of weeks, at least.

WTF, people.  WHAT THE FUCK?

*Shockingly, it was a woman named Josephine Cochran in 1886 who invented the first working dishwasher.  Or at least that's what the internet tells me.

Many thanks to the lovely Poppy from Funny Or Snot for coming up with this delightful posting topic.  Kudos, dear Poppy.  Kudos to you.

In BIG GIANT AWESOME NEWS, I'm over at The Misadventures of Mrs. B doing a guest post.  Go take a look - if you think I've gone over the edge with my cheesy goodness mac & cheese recipe yesterday, wait until you see this.


  1. Instead of doing the dishes, I tried to do the dishwasher. But, her shift was over.
    Thank you, thank you very much.

  2. I have a few things like that and when I asked the others who live in this house with me why some things sit till a day past eternity on the drying rack they say "I don't know where it goes" even thought they got it in the first place.

    I will never understand.

  3. i've had major power struggles over the dishes. major. and cleaning a toilet. ew.

  4. I have this problem, too. If I cook with something that needs to be hand washed, I'm seriously tempted to just throw away the hand-wash-needy piece of crap by the third day I've passed it sitting on the kitchen sink.

    Also, sleep over invite? Accepted.

  5. I am SO the person who says "I'm hungry" and then likes NONE of your suggestions. It's a fun game the husband and I play every night. I suspect he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do, which shockingly? Is not all that much cuz I'm fucking hungry.

    You are hilarious! This was indeed deserving of a WTF?!

  6. Dude, I don't have a dishwasher, and I do the cooking AND the cleaning.

    Wow, I want to marry me.

    (that dish drainer in sink is a brilliant idea)

  7. womanly arts. Maybe I need to devote a page to the funny things you say as well as a page for my daughter in my think pad.

    That happens here too, but instead of the dish rac, it will be any dishes that need to go in the pantry, or ANY spare clothes in a bag that were packed for a day trip for the kids.

  8. My lazy family would step over my dying, bleeding carcass before they would notice that, "oh, perhaps I should clean up that blood puddle and maybe call an ambulance." Forget about putting dishes away. They're lazy bastards like that.

  9. First of all, you haven't used your martini shaker since the 4th? For shame, you need to drink more. You want the girl to be "soft and unskilled like veal"? I'm rolling...I may have to borrow that one!

  10. Have you been stirring the martini? With a meat thermometer? Odd, but creative. My kids refuse to put away anything that slips out of the dish strainer and into the sink. So helpful I could kill them.

  11. I have the exact same problem. I thought I was clever sticking the drying rack in the sink, but it's turned into some weird black hole with a impenetrable force field around it. Right now, mine is holding a tea strainer ball thingy, a lid from a mason jar, and (coincidentally) a meat thermometer.

  12. You know, I have the same issue with our stairs. Shit that needs to go upstairs can only meet their end destination if I carry them there.

  13. Oh you are a funny one!

    And yes. Dishes are invisible to everyone but me at our house, too.

    Weird, huh?


  14. i'm a sober vegan. you can imagine how much fucking fun i am...

  15. also... i'll wash all of your dishes for a year if you update your blogroll to my new blogspot address.

    p.s. not really

    p.s.s. only because the commute is too long

    p.s.s.s. food

  16. Poppy's observation on the unused martini shaker is a good one. She's sharp, that one.

    I like being the cook for the same reason - especially since I'm awesome enough to cook (or at least finish making) dinner when I get home from working my fingers to the bone (blogging). So hubs feels doubly driven to wash up while I wander away. It's pretty sweet.

    THANK YOU for coming to play on my blog today! Seriously. Sweet cheese. The end.

  17. I would like to have a sleepover yes please.

  18. My martini shaker would never sit in the sink that long because I try to use it everyday if I can.

  19. Whenever my husband tries to cook I hate what he cooks. So yeah - control freaks pretty much have to do all the cooking. And I still cut my eleven-year-old's meat. But I TOTALLY don't help him with his homework.

  20. OMG, I'm like veal! I've been searching for a way to describe myself in my online dating profile, and this fits to a T. Thanks, Sunny!!!

  21. LOL....OMG we really are kin aren't we????

    That tile is never coming out now. Poor tile. ;)

  22. From this post, I have learned the following:

    I, too, have a talent for raising veal.

    You do not drink martinis often enough.

    We might as well put the spoon directly on the counter.

  23. I'm a bit shook up over the fact that you haven't used your martini shaker in 10 days.

    But I do the same . . . at least, I used to. But with the babies as they are right now, there's a lot of handwashing done, and that means we pick things up a bit earlier than the typical 8-12 month wait time.

  24. You know, when you're wanting Martini's and steak for dinner, one of you is going to have to fish those out of the sink...

  25. Slumber party? I'm in. But I can't stay up past midnight. Will there be cheese?


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