I think you missed one - a love letter to my family.

As you may have gathered, I do pretty much all the cooking in our little household.  I don't mind it, generally, because I am pretty particular about my food [Let's talk about crazy food issues! I'll see your eating disorder and raise you crazed paranoia about potential allergies and possible poisonings!] and I'm also that person who says stuff like, "I'm hungry," and then shoots down everything offered as an option by anyone ever in the history of the world.

I'm fun to be around! Let's have a sleepover!

Anyway, the upside to doing all the cooking is that, in general, I'm relieved of clean up duties.  The husband usually does them and lately we've tried to get the girl to be exclusive kitchen cleaner since it's summer and she has no other obligations and we don't want her to lack in the womanly arts department.

I still end up doing the dishes sometimes.  Mainly when it's supposed to be the girl's turn and she's tired or it's late or there are so many dishes to wash.  Evidently I want her to be soft and unskilled, like veal.

We have a double sink, but limited counter space, so I came up with the ingenious idea of putting a dish drainer in the sink that doesn't have the garbage disposal in it, since we so very seldom handwash ANYTHING. God bless whoever invented the dishwasher.* We don't really need two sinks and we really do need somewhere to put the microwave and the coffee maker, so it worked out perfectly for everyone.  I think that's what synergy is.

However.

Every once in a while when I'll do the dishes and actually handwash something and it will sit in that fucking dish drainer until the End Times because both the husband and the girl evidently have transitory hysterical blindness and can't see anything in that part of the kitchen.

Please ignore the water spots in my stainless steel sink.  Thanks!

See? That martini shaker has been there since July 4th.  That tile that the girl painted when she was maybe 4 years old and we use as a spoon rest?  Has been there at least 3 months and is now completely wedged into the space.  It's never coming out.  The meat thermometer?  A couple of weeks, at least.

WTF, people.  WHAT THE FUCK?

*Shockingly, it was a woman named Josephine Cochran in 1886 who invented the first working dishwasher.  Or at least that's what the internet tells me.

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Many thanks to the lovely Poppy from Funny Or Snot for coming up with this delightful posting topic.  Kudos, dear Poppy.  Kudos to you.





________________________In BIG GIANT AWESOME NEWS, I'm over at The Misadventures of Mrs. B doing a guest post.  Go take a look - if you think I've gone over the edge with my cheesy goodness mac & cheese recipe yesterday, wait until you see this.

There is no reason these guys should still be making movies.

As I may have mentioned before, we watch a lot of movies.  Not at the theater - no, we're pretty bad about actually organizing ourselves to get to a theater and see a movie before it hits video [we had high hopes for The King's Speech, especially when it was playing at a second run artsy-type theater nearby, but somehow the three of us could not get our schedules together for any one showing.  Not that we're fabulous and have all kinds of cool stuff to do.  Mostly because we commit to things we should do and no that we necessarily want to do.  We suck that way.].

Where the hell was I?

Anyway, we watch a lot of movies and we also get Entertainment Weekly - because I enjoy reading about television shows I'd never, in a million years, watch.  Not even when suffering from horrific insomnia.  That's what DVDs are for.  But because of this confluence of events, I tend to get info on what's happening in the movies and am able, because of my gimlet eye, to spot trends.  And the one that I wish I hadn't is the ubiquity of crappy shit going on in films.

First of all, Paul Giamatti needs to stop making movies.  Seriously.  No more.  I can't handle it.  You know what? As shitty as Lady in the Water was, and it was horrifically bad [but not as bad as The Happening.  I don't have the words for how bad that was.] I'm going on record as saying that it wasn't all M. Night Shyamalan's fault.  Some of the blame goes to old Paul.  Also?  Stop casting him as romantic leads.  And Revolutionary War guys.  Just let him go raise llamas somewhere.  That seems like something he'd do.  [I can't explain my animosity toward him - while I will allow that he has done nothing untoward to piss me off, like some people who will not be named, he grates on me like chewing tinfoil.]

Second, another thing that needs to end is the sullying of the John Gotti legacy.  You know what abomination is happening now? John Fucking Travolta is supposed to be playing John Gotti in some movie they're making.

No.

NO FUCKING WAY.

This?

Aaaaayyyy. Wait. Do I think I'm The Fonz? Source.

Is nowhere NEAR as awesome as this:

That's right, bitches. I'm John Motherfucking Gotti.  Suck it. Source.

It's kind of hurting my soul.

And finally, I have had about all I can stand of remakes.  There is no reason for ANOTHER Charlie's Angels reboot - particularly since #MurderPartyStreetCrew already has its Bosley [yes, that's an arcane Twitter reference.  It's my fucking blog.  I can do what I want.].  Sure, guys dig watching chicks jiggle it, but they can probably choose from a thousand other shows that already have this oeuvre locked down. True, this doesn't quite fit in the doughy guy antipathy, but I bet it was some doughy guy came up with this idea. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to unwrap a hard candy and then blow my nose in the tissue I keep in the sleeve of my knee length cardigan.

You're on my list. Yes, like Nixon's Enemies List. But without all the anti-semitism.

George Stephanopoulous is a fucking tool.

I know he was heralded as some wunderkind during the time he worked for the Clintons*, and I'm sure he did a great job, but he has rubbed me the wrong way for quite some time now.  I didn't like the fact that he rode in with the Clintons and then turned around and trash talked them up and down when he left.  I'm sorry, what didn't they do for you?

And now, somehow, you've reached the pinnacle of your serious journalistic career by co-hosting Good Morning America?  Really?  You're AWESOME.

Except you're not.  You're unctuous and officious and condescending.

And then, today [o.k., not today, more like a month ago, whenever I was actually watching this], you actually compared the possibility of Sarah! Palin! running for president in 2012 with BILL CLINTON'S presidential run.

Um.  The fuck?

How about Clinton was a Rhodes Scholar and actually completed his job as governor of Arkansas and is SMART and compassionate and sweet lord, really?  Do I have to go on?

So I'm done with Good Morning America. I'll just watch the local news while I do yoga.  [Yeah, I can't do yoga in peaceful, quiet surroundings.  I have to do it while being bombarded with last night's arsons and assaults and car crashes.  It IS all about balance, right?]

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* Yes, blah, blah, blah about Bill & Hillary, but they actually are smart, committed people who seem to want to do right in the world. The end.  And I'm kind of hoping that in the alternate universe where Hillary was elected president, she wouldn't be fucking rolling over on extending the Bush tax cuts and keeping Gitmo open.  A girl can dream, right?  Because a truly progressive, liberal president is not going to happen, even in my dreams, so I'll take what I can get.