I've said it before. I said it on Twitter [and got a lot of people responding that they hate them, too]. I'm sure I'll say it again.
They just make me so angry and unhappy and full of dread.
I spent the entire day Sunday ready to punch anyone who got in my way. It was not a nice feeling. Not even a little bit. Not for anyone involved.
I'm not even sure why I was so angry. I mean, there were a lot of annoying little things that happened - running out of soap for the shower, papers sliding off my desk, realizing I had three baskets of laundry to fold - but these were things that had happened often and never really set me over the edge [unlike, say, losing your phone - but that's a whole 'nother post]. It was a perfect storm of minor annoyances and crazy juice build up that had me muttering under my breath about how much I fucking hated everyone and everything and these stupid fucking cats and their stupid fucking hair and what the hell? why hadn't the husband made the bed again?
It was exhausting. And I kept having to say, over and over, "I'm sorry, please don't talk to me, I hate you and want to kill you right now," to the husband and the girl [I didn't tell the girl I wanted to kill her, just that I was in a really bad mood for no reason; I'm not THAT bad a parent. Just a really bad spouse. Consider yourself warned, in case I get divorced and am looking for a replacement spouse and have fixated on you.].
I mean, having a bad day because of some catastrophe at work or home or in the world, that I get. Even if it's lack of sleep or PMS or an imbalance in my humours or chakras, sure I get that. But hating on TINA FEY because she is so awesome and I am not and we'll never be friends? That's just wrong. [And so guilt inducing that I apologized to her audiobook for thinking evil thoughts. I may need medication.]
The only moderately o.k. time was taking the girl to see Scream 4 at the local third [fourth?] run theater [eh, it was fine, but too gory for our tastes], but I swear to god, as soon as it was over and I tried to use the tiniest bathroom in the history of the universe [it was the size of a coffin, no lie], the anger started building until I walked back into the house and that AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH hateful feeling came crushing back.
Which led me to think that maybe I really need to re-vamp the house, except there is no money, and frankly? I don't want to live here anymore and I don't have a job to make money to leave and I am functionally unemployable and I have a really hard time deciding how to decorate and maybe I need to find an interior designer, but seriously? for this tiny house? or maybe I should just get rid of everything and that AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH just started all over again.
And so I had a really bad day, for seemingly no reason, that only ended when I went to bed at 1:00am after a tummy ache [I will spare you the details, but suffice to say, I'm glad I wasn't in India].
Does this ever happen to you? Where your hate dial gets turned to 11 for no reason? Please say yes. I'd like to not be alone when I'm a fucking lunatic.
XO,
S
***************
*Probably the best book title ever, although I am no fan of Alexander's giant melon-head. Huh. Evidently the crabbiness and bitchitude have not left the building. Awesome.
I had this feeling one weekend. I was crabby, everything & everyone irritated and irked the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteI got my first period in 2 years the next day. Apparently I'd forgotten what PMS was like (thanks pregnancy & breastfeeding).
(*Whispering* Just between you and me, love, go over to my blog and have a look at the note 'somebody' left on someone's windscreen today. THAT'S how angry that person was that they had parked so close to that person's car that the person couldn't even walk between the cars, let alone get in that person's car. The RAGE was quite disproportionate to the situation.. or was it?)
ReplyDeleteSo you are NORMAL - maybe slap on some hormone patches or whatever for good measure. And Sunday is FUCKED. Ssriously, Sunday can just kiss my arse. DAI FUKA!
With much love, Sarah xxx
From time to time I have a day like this. I tell myself it is PMS even if it isn't....though as I near 37 I have no idea what is going on with my cycle so it could be. I digree. Great Blog.
ReplyDeleteI've had enough days like this, that's for sure! You are so NOT alone. I wish I could say that I didn't have so many & I wish I could say that those days don't anchor me with guilt forever. I try not to go off on everyone, but if the day takes me there - I almost can't help it. I feel you, for sure! Great post!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, have those days about once a month and NO they have NOTHING to do with my period. Which of course, I'd love to place the blame on, but then my husband wll say "didn't you just have your period?" and I'm busted and I have to explain that my wanting to kill yhim or run away from home is just "Me" today.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, I fear myself on those days. SCARY. ;)
I would be your replacement spouse.
ReplyDeleteMy fiance calls these my Shut Up Talkin' To Me days. I'd say that's pretty accurate :)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately this is me on way too many days. Especially on Mondays. If Mondays had balls I would kick them in them. In there. In their balls. I'm going to stop talking now.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! You are definitely not alone!
ReplyDeleteMy rage is usually unplugged during my PMS time. The Sunday thing is interesting. I will have to ask around about that!
ReplyDeletei hate sundays, too. i get physically ill every sunday: migraine, anxiety attack, upset stomach. mondays aren't much better.
ReplyDeletei love tori nelson's name for them.
Sounds a bit like my Saturday. Saturdays I have too much to do and everyone wants me to do something else and the Hubby just wants to relax but I put him to work and we all get cranky. Sundays I try to sit on my ass with a book after a large breakfast. Saturdays suck, but Sundays rule in my world.
ReplyDeleteI was actually blogging about something related the other day. You could definitely make it in NYC, fit right in with the rest of us who hate the world and the people in it, especially in this damned city for no reason, other than because they exist.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not a lady.
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time understanding these crazy person emotions. I'm completely pleasant and enjoyable level-headed and fun to be around 24/7.
Yes. Yes yes yes.
ReplyDeleteThere are days on end, sometimes, when I hate everyone and everything around me for all sorts of wacky reasons. Nothing's right, everything's just slightly off, clothes don't fit or hang properly, nothing's fun. And the very thought of being spoken to, and having to arrange my face in anything but a scowl, is almost too much for me. It's the worst.
You're not alone. It happens to me on occasion. The wind blowing is often a big offender in my life, who knows why.
ReplyDeleteYes. It usually starts with PMS and I know it's going to be a bad day, all day, when I get up to go pee and walk smack into the wall that's been there for 12 years. It only goes down hill from there. The only thing I can do is to stay away from people, drink heavily and beg for the day to end sooner than later.
ReplyDeleteAnd the weird thing?? It's like normal me is watching going, "Ohhh, she's a crazy bloke today, ladies."
Wow, I really do sound crazy!
Oh, yeah, you are not alone. I think I might start feeling that way soon if my husband keeps bringing up wanting to camp tonight. Anxious to hear about the phone.
ReplyDeleteOh, the house hatred and needing an interior decorator - that is insanity-inducing. In fact, it's taken me three years to finally hang a couple of pictures in the living room. PATHETIC.
ReplyDeleteBut I hate it when the hate overwhelms. It's hard to stop seeing red.
Yes, and sometimes it lasts longer than a day. Those times really bug me, cause I jsut don't like me on those days...
ReplyDeleteYes. The last time this happened, I apologized to my husband afterwards for being bitchy and he said he didn't notice. So he was being nice, or he's really dumb, or my everyday bitchiness is blending into my extra-special horrible-day bitchiness. Also, my knees are sunburned. Stupid sun.
ReplyDeleteGIRLFRIEND, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES I HAD TO READ THAT BOOK TO JACK? GOOGLEPLEX TIMES, THAT'S HOW MANY.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, some days the hate just pours out of me like I'm a chocolate fountain--all oozy and coating. It's often Saturday I think, because I'm so freaking tired, but The Man will pretend he's the most asleep when the children start whining that they need breakfast. Pfft. Then I'll look at him and be all 'oh, tired from your HARD HARD WEEK of sitting and getting a PAY CHEQUE?
Yeah.
It just spirals downward from there.
Did you just ask me to marry you?
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, a thousand times yes!
Um. I think we might be the same person...
ReplyDeletei love the fact that you can admit to hating tina fey because she is awesome....and i also think it makes sense....
ReplyDeleteSeeing "I hate Sundays," I can't help but think of Pollyanna. Wasn't it Sundays that the only good thing about them was that it was 6 days until the next one?
ReplyDeleteAnd I cannot imagine being ticked at Tina's audiobook . . . so I know you must have been in a real, real bad place. Yuck.
my meds are helping to lower the hate dial.
ReplyDeleteside effects: no sex drive, weight gain, zombie-like moments, walking into walls, tripping over nothing, headaches and horrible breath.