Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's the simple things in life that can make you mental.

It's the simple things, sometimes, that make you scream or laugh or shake your head in awe and then keep screaming until they come and give you a nice, soothing shot.  One small part of your day, one small effort that changes the trajectory of how things go.  It's amazing how a little effort, a little event, can sometimes lead to major ramifications.  To wit:

*** Finding a pubic hair in the cookbook you checked out in the library.  Why is it there?  Who is reading a library's copy of a cookbook in a situation where pubic hair would find its way on the page?  Is there enough hand sanitizer in the world to use after realizing I had touched a book that a pervy possibly disease laden person had touched?  These are the questions that make me cry, like in a fever dream.  And it simply reinforces my disinterest in using the library.  Come on, people.  Stop being so fucking disgusting.

*** Feeling good about yourself for getting up and going to the harder water aerobics class even though it's 1,000 degrees outside and you're tired.  Sometimes it just feels good to make that little extra effort to take care of yourself.  It puts a bit of pep in your step and makes you feel like a champion.  You can work harder, you can make better food choices.  All from the one simple step of choosing to make your health a priority.  You're can do anything.  Except remember to put on deoderant, so that you spend the rest of the day wondering what the hell that smell is before finally realizing, at 7:00pm, that that smell?  Is you.

*** Introducing a friend to the wonder that is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  A simple thing like having your treasure made known to the world gives you such a good feeling inside, like you are sharing a secret gift that only the truly blessed can receive.  I am stunned when people don't know about this show - and I say this will all the indignant fervor of someone who started watching it about 2 or 3 months ago, even though it actually started in 2005.  Still, it's such a great feeling of sharing, like when you had circle time in kindergarten and everyone's attention had to be ON YOU while you held up your treasure and explained, in numbing detail, how you found that shell at the beach after you were digging a moat around the sandcastle you and your cousins made and how your cousin wanted it, but you knew that it was meant to be yours and how you brought it home and put it on your windowsill to remind you of the beach, and then how you had to move it because your stupid brother kept taking it and putting it in his mouth. 

What the hell was I talking about?  It's been a long day.

Seriously, sometimes the best simple thing I can do is just go to bed. 

Mama's Losin' It

28 comments:

  1. Pubic hair in library book - Ewwwwwwww!! I hope that it fell there and not landed there via direct contact. Er, what kind of book was it?

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  2. You sure it wasn't some sort of...Harry Potter, witchcraft spellbook? two frog testicles, one lone pubic hair, three drops of ant urine...

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  3. ROFLMA - I am sitting here at work bouncing in my seat to avoid wetting myself, tears rolling down my face. I have SO done the morning workout/deodorant thing!

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  4. "It Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is a GREAT show!!
    On a related note, thank goodness you found my hair. Nothing pervy, really. It was just too hot in the kitchen when I was whipping up a batch of hot crossed buns.

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  5. You're so right. About It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (and Portlandia?). BEST! And that deodorant thing. WORST.

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  6. The library book? That's the George Constanza syndrome. The Seinfeld episode where he brings the book into the restroom and the bookstore makes him pay for it.

    There should be some kind of alarm on books to prevent that.

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  7. I...can't...pubic...what? My brain just threw up.

    I started watching "Sunny" when it first came on (gotta show that Philly love) but sorta got...tired of it? *winces* Sorry. I felt like they were trying too hard in the beginning.

    Confession: I left the house without brushing my teeth this morning. I know. I hate me, too.

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  8. pubic hair in the cookbook. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Thanks. I really didn't need the calories from that double cheeseburger :S

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  9. i can't believe you got my cookbook. sheesh. i mean really. also. thank god for e-mail subscription. finally on board. #lazy

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  10. seriously, just choked on my hot tea about the short and curly in the cookbook. did you spray tilex on your hands? i would have.

    also, mama kat is pretty dope. thanks for that reco.

    and, i LOVE you.

    so much.

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  11. How can you be so sure it was a pubic hair? I use the library all the time, if I didn't I'd be bankrupt, so I'm just going to believe it wasn't a pubic hair. And when you tell people about the show, are you ever afraid that if they don't like it you'll never feel the same about them? It took me years to recover from my Dad bad-mouthing Scrubs.

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  12. Beard hair looks just like pubies, and is a lot more likely to drop into a library book. That's probably what it was.

    Trust me on this - you'll be happier if you do. :-)

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  13. oh. dear. lord. in a COOKBOOK?

    there aren't words.

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  14. My mom cooks in the nude. But she doesn't go to the library. That joy is just for me and my family to endure.

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  15. i hate it when that smell is me.

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  16. I'm still in awe that you tell a story like I do..and it makes me giggle.

    I'm so glad that you found the simple things and that smell. ;) xoxxo

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  17. That's what you get for checking out Clarence Thomas' "The Federalist Recipes".

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  18. You should go to bed, cuz it won't get any better than what you just wrote - heeeelarious!

    This should be your epitaph: Here lies Sunniverse, who once found a pube in her library cook book and reeked of funky pits on a hot summer day.

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  19. I'm having a hard time typing this with my kitten mittons on.

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  20. I'd like to be optimistic and say that the pubic hair could have been a hair off any part of a man's body, because chest, arm and what have you hair all look the same from a man sometimes. However, someobody was probably reading it in the can.

    Hooray! I went for a power walk today too, even though it was so humid it was stoopid, and you're right! I DO FEEL BETTER! Yeah! Now I feel justified in sitting here for an hour and a half in blog world.

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  21. Please tell me there isn't a deviant checking out all of the cookbooks only to do foul things with them.
    I also love the optimism of some of the commenters, but ya know a pube when you see one.

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  22. I really hope you made that up about the pubic hair, that is just nasty. It really does make you think. eekk!

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  23. oh my gosh... i think I shall never check out a cookbook from the library again. GROSS!

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  24. Well this is the first post I've read of yours and I can already say that I'm sure I'm going to love your blog. I'll be back for sure.

    hi from mamak's

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  25. You took this prompt in a completely different direction than most of us did and I loved it! But I don't even want to let my mind start contemplating how that pubic hair could have gotten into that cookbook. That's all kinds of disturbing.

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  26. Pubic hair in a cookbook! That must have been some recipe they were trying!

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  27. I actually know a few grown men who have purchased Giatta DeLaurentis's cookbook because they are madly in lust with her. I wouldn't be surprised if their books ended up in rooms besides the kitchen. Just tell me it wasn't like a Betty Crocker or Paula Deen cookbook...please...

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  28. I was smiling as I was reading others' warm and fuzzy I love life simple things posts...but this one made me burst out laughing! It's Always Sunny is one of my favorite shows (I think it's odd that more people don't know about it too, b/c everyone I tell about it gets addicted).

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.