The one that is still killing me right now is this comment I got on my post about the simple things, which for me evidently includes finding a pubic hair in a library cookbook [a book of ice cream recipes, which makes it somehow so much worse]:
Gary Oxford said...I am dying. Truly. You all are brilliant in your ability to make me laugh, but this? I can't breath for the genius.
Anyway, enough about how awesome you all are - I mean, this is MY blog, so I should just constantly be talking about how awesome I AM. Because truly, where else are you going to find someone as spectacular as I am? Nowhere, because people like me? As rare as diamonds [which I know are artificially scarce, but come on, cut me a break, here]. I am wondrous and my fabulousness is known throughout the microphone - I get stupid, I mean outrageous, stay away from me if you're contagious, cause I'm a winner, no not a loser . . .
O.k., I'll stop channeling Rob Base. [Go ahead, click on this YouTube link and I defy you to not chair dance.]
Anyway, I think I'm a pretty nice person - I mean, I give to charity, and I'm polite and I'll only talk about you behind your back when I'm sure you won't hear what I'm saying. I'm nice and people should want to get to know me.
It seems not everyone has gotten that message.
I was at the pool the other day [because it is 8,000 degrees and I also haven't had my fill of other people's urine polluting my space] and I thought I recognized this woman, but I wasn't sure from where. I thought we had caught glances a few times, you know? A few of those Do I know you? glances.
So I went up to her and said, "Hi, you look very familiar to me. I think I recognize you from somewhere."
And this bitch said, "Well I have no idea who you are."
Wow. O.k., evidently we are not destined to be friends, and I wasn't going to ask for a kidney, but what the fuck? How is that an o.k. way to react to someone? DOES SHE NOT KNOW WHO I AM?
She is so not allowed to read my blog.