Tuesday, August 23, 2011

GUEST POST: True Story

As I've noted, Tuesdays are going to be a day for my wonderful blogging friends to use this space to let loose. There are no rules, not even that one rule about not talking about Fight Club.
 
This week's post is by the unbelievably cool Misfits Vintage.  Do you know her? Do you covet her wardrobe? Head on over, and you will join me in wondering why she lives on the other side of the fucking continent so I can't borrow her clothes.  She is funny and sublime and a snappy dresser and always always always ready with a quip or a kind word - sometimes at the same time.

Read her blog.  Follow her on Twitter [she's touching her own boobs!].

But first, enjoy this:


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True Story: A boyfriend from a galaxy long, long ago

I couldn't find him anywhere inside, so I walked out to a dark corner of the carpark and found him leaning against a car with his pants around his ankles.

There was a young woman on her knees in front of him, with his penis in her mouth.

He finally noticed me and said "It's not what you think!"

...

"I find that difficult to believe" I said.

18 comments:

  1. Hahahahaha!!! "It's not what you think." Famous last words.

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  2. "She forgot a toothbrush at home, I was just helping her brush her teeth!!!" *holds up toothpaste*

    That's the only thing I can think of that would warrant "it's not what you think". Other than that...yes, it's exactly what you think.

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  3. If it wasn't his sister then, yeah, it was exactly what I thought...

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  4. And if it was his sister, then it's worse than I thought...

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  5. omg! a quick kick right to the groin area at that moment would have served the purpose of getting him in the nuts & her in the face & perhaps she would have bit off a chunk of his weiner at the same time. it would have been perfect!

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  6. she could have been putting some Neosporin on an ingrown pubic hair... that's what i would have thought.

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  7. Well, I guess it would depend on what you were thinking but I'm guessing he's not psychic...

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  8. I lurv Ms. Vintage! She makes me feel so beige...no wait...beiger than beige...grey! Hooray! What a good, snappy story.

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  9. Oh, can you imagine the amount of alcohol that mustve been involved.

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  10. She had a tickle in the back of her throat, and he was just being a gentleman.
    Happens all the time.
    And grandma said chivalry was dead... she would be so delighted to hear this!
    I simply must tell her, really I must!

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  11. Aah, I love Sarah Misfit, and that's just another reason why!

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  12. Wooooooow. Takes some guts to say those words at a time like that.

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  13. Here in LA, he'd tell you that they were trying to get better reception on the radio frequency of aliens. And depending on his net worth, some one would pretend to believe him.

    I think the way to go (depending on his net worth) is to first youtube the scene with your Iphone, then (after turning phone camera off, grab the woman by the back of the head and yank a significant chunk of hair out. Then pretend you are ok with it all, demand gifts from the asshole while never giving him any sexual favors. Once you get the tennis bracelet, you find yourself a beefcake McHottie to recreate the scene for the "boyfriend", with one exception,

    After you - uh - let beefkcake mchottie finish, you say "Its exactly what you think."

    Oh! And make sure you are wearing that tennis bracelet.

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  14. What exactly did he think you thought it was?

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  15. Bahahahaha,Ms Misfit sure is succinct!!!:)

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  16. You're frickin' kidding me! That is an awesome tale - but I guess not such an awesome memory - eeeek!! xoxoxoxo

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.