Monday, August 15, 2011

People Who Are Assholes - The Mall Edition

First, I want to thank you all for your awesome birthday wishes.  I turned 43 on Saturday, and had a great time.  Very low key, but really nice. AND! GUESS WHAT I GOT????

And, more importantly, or at least equal in importance:

30 ROCK DVDS!!!!!

Yes!  The husband and the girl got me the 30 Rock DVDs so I can continue to develop my unhealthy relationships with fictional characters.  If you want, you can come over and watch. We can fluff up the pillows and watch them while laying in bed, like completely lazy people.  Plus, I got mad at the stupid fucking DVR in our bedroom and pounded on it with my fist a la The Fonz and it's been working fine now, so we won't have to worry about the show not playing right. [My hand is still kind of sore.]

The other thing I did this weekend that is of note is that I took the girl to the mall.  We're trying to finish up the shopping for her big move and so I spent Sunday afternoon with the damned.  And not even the good Damned, which would have been fine [did you know they are touring? I'm not sure how I feel about that.].  Instead, I got to spend it with:

Shitastic Parents.  These people evidently decided that they had enough children that actually paying attention to what any one individual child is doing is far too gauche, so they just let them wander in packs where two of the kids each have hold of the arm of one kid in the middle and are pulling her along with her feet and legs dragging on the floor of the mall, while each arm holder is trying to go in a separate direction.  I kid you not.  I saw this.  So stop being an asshole, parents.  Watch your kids when you're out.

Awful, painfully bad customer service people.  This is directed to Forever 21, in particular, although Macy's is right up there.  I am never, ever setting foot in that yellow bag repository again.  You want cheap third world labor clothes that are going to fall apart after a couple of wears, go to H & M.  Because this place? Was ridiculously bad.  I told the girl that that was her last experience there.  I will GLADLY pay a larger amount of money to get in and out of the store quicker than wait in line with people who have to move their lips when they read and are also squished into Aeropostale clothes that are 2 sizes too small.  There's no need for me to suffer through this. I have rights. 

Idiot People in Line.  I don't want to hear what you're talking about while waiting in line.  Your life is NOT that interesting.  Unless you're transmitting launch codes or guiding someone through emergency surgery, that shit can wait until later.

Kiosk People.
  Just don't.  I don't like to be rude [really!], so don't make me tell you to fuck off just so I can get past you into Bath & Body Works to pick up some overpriced soap [it really smells good, though, doesn't it?].

On the plus side, I ended up stopping in at Talbots [did I mention I'm 43? It's like a requirement] and I am IN LOVE with that store.  Delightful staff who actually HELPED ME find things to match a deeply discounted skirt I was thinking of buying and then being super nice and kind and telling me about super sales and I ended up with 3 tops, a sweater and a skirt for $69! FROM TALBOTS.

What did you do this weekend?  Did you find yourself enjoying plaid?


  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And ohmygod the kiosk people are basically terrorists. Amazingly, somebody harassing me and shoving shit into my face doesn't put me in the purchasing mood.

  2. Happy birthday! Forever21 can suck it. The End.

  3. I hate the mall, and all of those are reasons why.

    Happy Birthday!

  4. My mantra through the mall is "don't make eye contact". The kiosk people drive me insane.

    Happy belated!

  5. The Mall - it doth suck the life out of me.

  6. I think when you walk in to the mall it either turns you into an asshole or you need to get drunk. Go to Orange Julius and spike it. You'll feel much better.

  7. Ohhhh, I thought you meant you got thirty Rock DVDs, not "30 Rock" DVDs. That makes much more sense; I didn't know were enough rock groups to even have 30 DVDs (well, there probably are, but TV DVDs are much more interesting).
    Happy Belated Birthday (I've been away).

  8. Well, now I'm super curious about what scent you got from Bath & Body Works. I don't really think "customer service" actually exists and longer. It's a myth from that mythical time known as 'yesteryear'. I mean, The Man freaks out that McDonk's can never get his order right, and I remind him that the TEENAGER working there is never going to make more than minimum wage, and thus, they shall never give a shit.

    Oh, and haven't you heard one of my favourite catch phrases: give the average idiot 5 minutes and you'll know all about their life.

  9. Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Thank you for giving me a post to write about. I haven't had a good bitch in a long time and now I have something to bitch about. I have never met kiosk people. I now am glad. :D

  10. OMFG - HATE the kiosks...and do feel bad for them, but it's so annoying. :/

    The other horrible thing at the mall...people who walk in packs, spanning across large portions of the walk space, and walking slow. Difficult to get around and just want to kick through them, or say rude things when finally able to dash around them.

  11. You don't look a day over 32, hot stuff, happy Birthday! There is nothing worse than the annoying complainer behind you in line who won't STFU until you acknowledge them. Someday I will tell you about the day I turned and bleated at one annoying bitch. I blame that guy from SNL (the stoner dude from the late 1990s- Jim Bruwer or something) for giving me the idea, but fuck if it doesn't work.

  12. Happy birthday. And also? I freaking love you. And those fucking kiosk people? One day a guy tried to sell me something but I wasn't entirely sure he was talking to me and not the other nine million people walking by. So I kept walking, although honestly, had I been sure he was talking to me I wouldn't have stopped. There was absouletly no mistaking who he was talking to when he said, with much venom and hate, "BITCH." Yeah, he was talking to me.

  13. Happy Birthday, my Leo sister!!! yet another thing in common. We might have been twins separated at birth, only two years apart, so I'm not sure how that works...

    I fondly refer to Forever 21 as Forever 41, as I still find items on occasion. Albeit, only after I've tried (and ripped the zippers) on almost every item in the store.

    I wish someone had the balls to bring back the bustle skirt.

  14. One can never have too many birthday wishes so I'll say it again, "happy birthday!" :)

    Any place humans gather en masse (malls, grocery stores, discount type stores, movies, restaurants, concerts, etc.) is a chance to observe assholes in action.

    People just suck.

  15. I did not enjoy plaid this weekend, though I typically do. Simply, nothing about this weekend screamed "plaid" to me.

    Me, well, I ran a triathlon, napped, played a 5 hour gig, slept, had crepes for breakfast, worked, and bathed my kids. It was a crazy, crazy weekend.

    And nothing pisses me off more than poor customer service forcing me to spend more time in the store. "I want this, here is my money. Please, let me just go." If I end up thinking those thoughts, I don't go back.

  16. You had me...until Talbots. But then again, I shop at Laura, which I suspect may be the Canadian equivalent. Happy birthday!

  17. Birthday! Happy! And many, many more.

    Mall = fate worse than death.

  18. I tried to enjoy plaid. Once. Back in the Preppy era (lord help me I was young...I turn 43 in October so perhaps you remember that time?)

    I had plaid walking shorts and penny loafers and wore TWO Izod shirts layered on top of each other (one collar showing and the sleeves rolled so you can see both colors...)

    Shit. I hate myself a little remembering.

    But I loved this whole damn post so try not to hate me, too.

    And happy happy birthday. Sorry I was on vacation. I missed your brilliance and the celebration with ice cream cake.

    But I came back. Just in time to catch the assholes.



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