I know getting older means I can't just dash out the door looking fabulous anymore. I mean, I could, and I would still look awesome [because I am awesome] but I'm also a fan of make up sometimes [and nail polish all the time - I am a feminist and I CHOOSE to wear Aphrodite's Pink Nightie on my nails, motherfuckers] and I have found, lately, that I have to do something I never thought I would have to do.
I have to apply eyebrows.
Let me clarify:
I have excellent eyebrows. They are nicely shaped and nicely colored and cover my whole eye area. I am one of the very, very, very lucky few who has never had to pluck any part of my eyebrow. They don't meet in the middle. They don't grow down into my lid. They're nice.
Except for the sparsifying.
I don't get it. I mean, I'm growing random eyebrow-ish hairs on my chin. Are they confused and don't know the way to my eyebrows? And how am I losing eyebrow hairs? Do I need Rogaine?
I've found a lovely eyebrow powder that I apply and I love that my eyebrows look fuller and more like they did back before the random eyebrow hairs decided to go in for early retirement, but . . .
I just can't believe I have to think to myself, "I need to go put on my eyebrows."
Is there anything you do routinely now in terms of making yourself fabulous that you can't believe? I'm kind of thinking of wearing a powdered wig. Or an eye patch.
This made me snort coffee out my nose! I have the sparsifying AND random ones growing up my forehead and down my eye lid. That is truly wrong and I want to know where I send my complaint letter. Thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteI have always cursed my eyebrows. My thick, dark, don't-match-my-hair, have-plucked-daily-except-for-that-shaving-up-the-middle-in-seventh-grade-episode eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteGuess I should embrace them and start praying now, huh?
I too have an eyebrow hair on my chin. Once when my husband and I were out with friends, he said loudly "You have an eyelash on your chin", then proceeded to try and pick it off. When he saw that it was attached to my face, he promptly screamed "OH MY GOD IT IS GROWING ON YOUR CHIN".
ReplyDeleteI routinely lock my husband in a closet when I go out to make myself fabulous.
Bah ha ha ha, I think I have your eyebrows!!! I find myself suddenly having to pluck mine for the first time in my life to avoid looking like giant wooly worms are eating my face. I'd love to give them back.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in order to be my utmost fab, I must inspect my chin and lip. Thank you, PCOS, they are finding their inner man and fuzzing up the place. Hello? I'm a strong woman-don't need facial hair to be that!!! So now, I have to go on catfish whisker patrol before heading out. And it sucks.
LOL, yes i share this pain ... and a year of infertility drugs did wonders for the hair expansion on my face and yet yielded no more profit on my head ...
ReplyDeletehere's my concern about the eyebrow powder...what happens if you are like me and you mindlessly rub your forehead, including your eyebrows?
ReplyDeletedoes the eyebrow color then run down the side of your face and/or your nose unbeknownst to you? and then everyone at the grocery store is looking at you because you have weird streaks on your face and you are thinking, 'damn, i am lookin' all kinds of hot today, because the people, yeah they ARE noticin' me'
because i am pretty sure that would happen to me.
I have to tweeze my unibrow, which I've had since I was a baby, and also the area around my eyebrows which like to sprout hairs randomly out of my head. We have the opposite problem. I have too much brow.
ReplyDeleteokay - think i have a solution for you. i'm working on a story for my beauty column and i'm trying out "Rapid Lash" which you can also apply to your eyebrows. It's $50 and seems to be working. My worthless eyelashes seem to be growing a bit, and it's only been 10 days.
ReplyDeleteI should try this eyebrow powder! Can you email me the info? It will probably be much better than the sharpie marker i've been using.
ReplyDeleteAlso, after having my kid I have freckles! I've gone my whole life with glow-in-the-dark white skin (very popular when you grow up in sunny texas, let me tell you) and then BAM! my son is born and now I have a mass of freckles. WTF? I asked my doc about it. He said it's fro hormones and they're called liver spots. Oh, well, that makes it all better! Liver Spots??? Quick someone get me to the nearest plastic surgeon!
I pluck hairs from the tops of my ears, the inside of my nose, and (oddly) curly black ones from my knuckles (yep, I'm a real hottie).
ReplyDeleteWhile not bald, my hair on my head is thinning somewhat. I just think the stray hairs have to escape from somewhere since my scalp is probably calcifying (well, except for the curly black knuckle hairs-I don't even want to guess where they're coming from).
My eyebrow guy suggested to me that I start using an eyebrow pencil. I have to admit, I do look extra fabulous when he draws 'em on there for me.
ReplyDeleteLast night I was admiring my toe hairs in the light.
I could mail you some extra eyebrow(hairs) if you like.
ReplyDeleteHaidressers always tell me I'm so lucky to have all this hair on top of my head. It isn 't just on the top of my head.
sparsifying? love it.
ReplyDeleteI have about 1/3 of an eyebrow on each side, making a grand total of less-than-one eyebrow(s?). I find that my glasses make up (get it?!) for my lack of brow.
ReplyDeleteDang hairs. Danged, damn, stupid hairs! While my head thins my eyebrows flourish. As does the sexy hair on my big toes, my chin, and ...well, other places of interest.
ReplyDeleteWTH is happening here? Aren't there drugs for this? There should be, because that nooner cocktail is starting earlier and earlier thanks to all the excess hair.
Do you ever get one rogue eyebrow hair that is like three inches long? I love those.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have sparsifying hair.
ReplyDeleteAnd hair that is migrating.
(Or is it colonizing?)
Yeah. It's testing new planes and prairies.
Crap.
I hate Manifest Destiny.
Mine just need to be adjusted every 2 months. The grow at weird angles or one rouge hair will grow in the opposite way to my other hairs and this must be fixed.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma lost her eyebrows..as long as I knew her they were so sparse that they were non existant and she would draw them on. Still makes me giggle..may she RIP!
For me I can't believe that I have wrinkles around my eyes...laugh lines....MY ASS!!!!!
So funny, yeah, after I had my first child the random hair is ridiculous. Every now and then I have to pluck that random witch chin hair. And really, why do we as adults still get acne!! I thought that we were suppose to stop getting that after puberty! *I roll my eyes* lol
ReplyDeleteLynn
Give me the name of that eyebrow powder so I don't have to cut you like a good coupon.
ReplyDeletexo
When I was a teenager, my brother told me I have hairy forearms. For the record, that's the only time he's ever been right in his life. Fucker.
ReplyDeleteI apparently have Lorax blood, and it affects my eyebrows. I get 2-3 hairs on each eyebrow that grow like mad and double back . . . they're really, really freaky.
ReplyDeleteSo, I've gotten into the habit of trimming them with my beard trimmer anytime I trim my beard - easy enough. Except, however, that I started trimming my head. My "style" is stubble, so I take a pair of hair clippers, chop off my hair, set it to a slightly longer setting to trim my beard, and then my eyebrows.
Last time, however, I found a patch on my head that was just slightly longer than everything else, so I went back to trim that before my eyebrows, but forgot to reset the length. The result was very, very short eyebrows.
I looked pretty damn funny for a week.