So, first, thanks to you all for your questions. The exciting news is that I'm going to be doing a twice-monthly general advice column for FunnynotSlutty [shhhhh . . . let's just pull the curtain on those college years, shall we?] which is fucking awesome, because who doesn't want to be part of a group of women who enjoy the funny? Also, I get to continue to tell people what to do, which is something I love more than artery clogging soup. And since it's a general advice column, I'm pretty sure anything goes. Let's push those boundaries, right?
Second, the girl is back for a few days for October break, which I guess is a thing. We'll be taking her back to school for parents' weekend, which goes until Monday, because evidently every day is a weekend for rich people.
I'm more than a little excited to see the girl. While I am, for the most part, a woman who balks at sensitivity [unless it's my senses being intruded upon] and emotions and human relationships [so messy, and so many feelings!] I love my girl. She's amazing and really makes me happy. Even when she's being a total idiot teenager and I want to choke her until the sass shoots out of her eyeballs.
Also, I finally bought a velvet jacket. Because I am secretly a Vegas lounge singer. This is something that's super important, not only because it is fucking gorgeous, but because it represents a huge step forward in my ability to do things for myself. I've wanted a velvet jacket for a while - I had one years ago and looked super cool and if I can no longer recapture my youth by staying out all night drinking and having random sex, the least I can do is dress like a bad ass.
Every year for the past umpteen years, I keep wanting a velvet jacket, and every year I hem and haw because they're so expensive and then I dick around and don't get one and then lament how I don't have a velvet jacket and how much cooler would everything I own look with a velvet jacket? SO MUCH COOLER. Over the weekend, I finally bought one, paying FULL PRICE [which is something that chafes at me in all circumstances] because I knew if I waited I would never find one that fit so perfectly and then 2 days later I get an email coupon for 25% off my next purchase. The lovely people at Talbots [I'm old, where do you think I'd get a velvet jacket? Hot Topic?] actually let me use the coupon on the jacket, so I was feeling pretty good about getting a substantial discount. So good that I ended up spending my substantial savings on a shirt. Because I am a fool when it comes to money. A fool who would make Suze Orman cry.
The really bitter thing is that after two weeks of shitty, cold weather, the day after I get my fabulous velvet jacket it's started a stretch of 70 plus weather. I just pet my jacket and wait for a cold front.
What do you do to make yourself feel better? Besides abuse other people's prescription meds?