Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Stop what you're doing and go make this. Now.

Of the many, many reasons I love fall [sweaters and snuggling under blankets and no need to pretend to enjoy being outdoors in the infernal heat] is soup. I LOVE SOUP.  It's a great way to practice eating for when you're old and you have to gum everything. Mmmmm . . . tasty.

Anyway, I made an insanely good soup the other day, and I thought I'd share the recipe with you.  Mostly because it's so fucking good, but also because I don't want you to eat food that has wire bristles in it.  [Seriously, if you want to eat good mac and cheese, eat this.]

Chicken Corn Chowder - so good, you'll keep it all to yourself

1/2 large onion, diced
2 large carrots, diced
6 cups chicken broth [I used 4 cups chicken and 2 cups beef, because I didn't want to waste the beef broth]
2-3 cups cubed potatoes
2 cups 1/2 and 1/2 [because I feel the need to coat my arteries, I used heavy cream.  Also it's what I had.
Do you know Costco sells GIANT containers of it for like $5? How can you NOT buy this?]
Corn [2-3 cups]
1-2 cups chopped cooked chicken [I used some leftover lemon grilled chicken breast - it added a nice flavor]
An asston of cheese [cheddar, colby, monterey jack, whatever you like!]

Dice your veggies.  Put them in a large pot with some butter [I usually start with 1 tbsp and that should do it, but sometimes the fates call for more] over medium heat and cover with a lid.  Let the onion and carrots sautee a bit.  You don't want to burn them.  So you should probably avoid putting them on to cook and then go do something like go online and read blogs or play Word With Friends or have sex or something. You could probably go on Twitter for  few minutes.  Just don't get sucked in.

Forget to add the flour and then just figure, fuck it, that heavy cream I'll add at the end should do the trick and thicken up the soup.  And if doesn't, who needs those empty calories from flour, right? HAHAHAHA.  I do.  I need empty calories.  They taste my favorite.

Season the slightly browned carrots and onions with salt and pepper.  [I have, on occasion, slightly overcooked the onions and carrots.  If they aren't completely blackened, I figure they'll be fine.] [It usually works.]

Add the chicken broth and the potatoes to the pot.  Accidentally add the potato water to the pot and start cursing like . . . well, like I usually do when I fuck something up.  I think the girl must enjoy being at boarding school, in a situation where the adults around her presumably don't walk around going, "Stupid cock fucker! Goddamn piece of shit!" when they drop a fork or some other traumatic event happens.

Let the potatoes simmer for a few minutes until they're cooked almost through.

Add the corn and the chicken. Let it heat up.

Add the heavy cream.  It's so fucking good.  Add a little more.

Stir it up and let it heat through.  At this point add your cheese.  I usually use a mix of cheddar and colby jack.  But I won't judge you.

Heat this through and you will have some of the most excellent soup in the history of soup.  Seriously.  You will lick your bowl.  And then you'll fork the person who tries to go for seconds.


PS Sometimes, if I'm feeling feisty, I'll start the process by sauteeing up some chopped up bacon and using the bacon fat to cook the carrots and onions and then dosing each bowl with a few/ton of the bacon pieces. 

I've invested in a lot of hip length sweaters.


  1. You are like Paula Deen and Martha Stewart wrapped in a big pile of f-bombs. (ps that's a compliment)

  2. I will make this, because I love soup too.
    But your last line? Hip length sweaters? Made me laugh out loud!! :)


  3. I just made a great slow-cooker soup with italian sausage and cannelloni beans. It was so good that it surprised the crap out of me. If only I liked chicken, I could make this one as well.

  4. this sounds amazing. I might just have to try it - and I don't really cook. like, ever. I'll be changing that plan (or just giving the recipe to Hubs to make... I like that plan better) ;) thanks for sharing!!

  5. damn. I've gotten out of making fun things like this, because my girly is picky at dinner, and no likee soups. Well, FORGET HER. I'm going to make me some of this chowder. I made one like it a few years ago and loved it with all the yummy cheese. Yes, this is what I must do this week.

  6. Okay. Screw my daughter's dentist appointment.

  7. yeah... i'm not going to make that. even if i did eat meat, i'm entirely too lazy.

  8. I like fall for the same reasons - creamy chowders, woolly blankets, and hip-length sweaters (to hide the fact I've been hibernating under a blanket and living off creamy chowders).

  9. Sounds yummy!!! Since your daughter went away, can you feed me? I'm not a cook. I've never seen a recipe that called for an asston of cheese. I made a cake over the weekend that called for a pound of butter and four eggs.

  10. I love reading your cooking process . . . reminds me of how I do it, only with less swearing and less burning myself.

  11. This sounds so very very delicious.

    But my husband doesn't like soup.

    So he may have to move out...


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