I generally think I'm a pretty good person. I mean, I don't steal, I'm not intentionally malicious and I only voted for Nader than one time.
However, I have noticed things about myself lately that have me a bit concerned about my after-life [if there is one, which I'm thinking there probably isn't, or if there is, it had better be really excellent and far away from riffraff]. I mean, I'm not actively evil, I just have a lower threshold for annoyance. But then you already knew that, right? It's what makes me so loveable.
The cats sometimes [all the time] get on my nerves. They are CONSTANTLY coming up to me and rubbing me and pushing their soft furry faces on me and walking on my computer and jumping behind me in my chair or walking underneath me and rubbing themselves on me, continually looking for attention.
NO ONE gets to be that needy in this house except me.
I tend to curse out nuns who drive slowly and erratically. And not simple "you asshole" curses. I go for the big guns "you stupid motherfucking dick-eating whore" kind of curses. And then I see the wimple and realize I'm going to hell.
Also for calling that little girl a cuntface. Eh, she deserved it, so that's a wash.
I also tend to curse out [under my breath or in my head, not out loud, I'm not a complete bitch] customer service people who do not treat me like a queen. I know, I know, but hear me out - if I'm paying my cash money [or using my debit card or credit card] for items that I can just as easily purchase elsewhere, why are you not fawning all over me, being nice and asking me if I need help? The most egregious examples of shitty customer service have to be the people who work at any Macys anywhere. Seriously. Lately they all suck.
On the other hand, here's why I'm awesome - in a little bit, I'm going to be giving my patented brand of advice on a really cool website. I need some help from you, my lovelies, to get me started. Could you please email me or leave in the comments some questions seeking my advice? I'd greatly appreciate it, and in the off chance I get to my version of heaven [cool sleeping weather, no douchebags allowed, plus there's teleporting so that whole road rage thing will be non-existent] I'll save a spot next to me so we can talk about people.
Of course, I'll save a spot for you in the other place, too.