Thursday, December 1, 2011

It's Raining Fives

Crappy weather. Inability to focus. Too much to do. It's already fucking DECEMBER. It must be the holidays.  In this spirit of short but brief, here are my list of Fives:

Five things you don't know about me
  1. My screen saver
  2. My weirdest fear
  3. The word / phrase I hate the most
  4. My shoe size
  5. Which one of my lovely online friends is my favorite [Psst . . . Don't tell anyone, but it's you.  Let's keep it on the DL, okay? People get jealous.]

Five things I am knowledgeable about
  1. Lord Byron
  2. Making chicken soup
  3. The best way to fold towels
  4. Which lane to NOT be in when you are driving near my house
  5. The optimal spot to sit in in any situation

Five things I know nothing about
  1. Nascar
  2. Fishing
  3. Shooting craps
  4. Margin trading [shh . . . I don't even want to know . . . so boring . . . snore]
  5. The purpose of driving around to see the leaves that have changed colors. What? WHY?

Five things I believe
  1. That my kid is fucking awesome
  2. That you people are also fucking awesome [But not as awesome as the girl.  Sorry, it's just how it plays out.]
  3. That people can be a lot kinder than I think they will be
  4. That I am stronger than I think I am
  5. That the person who is using the workout machine before you do will not wipe it off.  Asshole.

Now, what I want from you is a for you to share one thing from any of those topics.  I yearn to know you better. YEARN, goddammit.


  1. I will take you up on the offer since I am bled dry from NaBloPoMo. It may be a few days, though, as I have to get caught up on all my fishing shows and NASCAR season. (Kidding. Totally kidding.)

  2. Pop Quiz Sucker: where should I sit during a fire?? Huh?

    I'm so not prepared for December. It's making me antagonistic.

  3. I think you cheated on the Five Things You Don't Know About Me part. Weren't you supposed to tell us the five things?

    Anyway, one thing I believe: That my life is going to get better. It can't get any worse.

    Good job on the prompt though. I can never do those lists kinds of things.

  4. One of my things us that I love the fuck out if you!!


  5. Love your take on this prompt.

    One thing I know nothing about is the mechanics of my car.

  6. I believe deep within me...that if this Wells Fargo bitch were within hitting distance, I would beat the absolute shit out of her.

    Also, I know nothing about decimals.

  7. I love yours!! I love how you don't say what the 5 things are that we don't know about you. Smart. Wish I'd thought of that. Bitch. I mean that in the kindest way.

  8. I'm guessing moist. Or maybe gusset as the least favourite words. Hey, that works as a phrase too!

  9. one thing i believe: that sometimes, you just have to throw up your hands and say "you know what? fuck it! ruin your life if you want to. i told you how to avoid it, and you're ignoring me. so fuck it. do what you want. but don't come crying to me when it blows up in your face, exactly the way i told you it would, down the line."

    lawyerin' is fun.

  10. Hello, I also know the best way to fold towels. LOL As far as wanting to see the changing of the leaves, well, I gotta say I moved from PA to FL and I really miss all the beautiful colors of the fall leaves, so that's why. It's my reason, anyway. And I totally know what you mean about the previous person on the workout machines. Yuck!

    Stopped by from Mama Kat's

  11. Love your last #5 I swear I am the only person at the gym who cleans the machines after using!

  12. We don't know so much about you. How are those the five things you focused on? I've thought this before but haven't shared it with you yet, I think you do such a great job of maintaining an anonymous blog but still letting us feel like we know you. How do you do that?

  13. I do know that cuntface is not the word/phrase that you hate the most. I don't think that gives me a prize, though.

    I don't understand the "not wiping off the machine" thing. I really, really don't - too many assholes out there.

  14. I am very knowledgeable about the cupcake boutique across the street from my gym.

    I am not very knowledgeable about how to spell knowledgeable. #thankyouspellcheck

    p.s. please do a vlog on the towel folding

  15. I have no knowledge of how to fold those sheets that go on the mattress with the elastic(I have no knowledge of their actual name either).

    And unfortunately I have unwittingly gained way too much knowledge about Kim Khardasian (although I lack the knowledge on how to spell her last name).

  16. I don't know why you waste your time knowing so much about Lord Byron. That fucker never wipes down the elliptical.

  17. "She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes."

    I typed that from memory. I could do the whole poem, but this probably tells you all you need to know.

    Plus, I named one of my parents' cat Byron.
    (The other one I named Eliot.)


  18. I know everything, so this is a tough thing to write about...

  19. Here's just one thing you don't know about me but is critical to maintaining our online friendship (I know that was about me): I will NEVER be the person that doesn't wipe off the gym equipment because that would mean I was actually in a gym and not at home on the couch making fun of the real Housewives.

  20. Well hell's bells! As soon as you wrote "YEARN", I went blank. I hate feelin' pressured. Even though I laughed. Which I do like. Laughing, I mean. I do like laughing.

    What's a 'workout machine'? Do I really need to know? If ignorance is bliss (and I am one happy bitch), perhaps tis better I do not know?

  21. I think I'll give it a whirl (which I think is what Kim Kardashian said).
    If nothing else, it will give me a blog topic!
    Oh, did I say that out loud?
    No, you dumbass, you wrote it quietly!
    Wow, now I'm arguing with myself on the computer.
    I must hasten for some therapy.
    After I write the above.

  22. Erin is right, he is a mf. So I know LB isn't your fav.

  23. I wear a size 8 shoe and love anything from John Fluevog. There. Now you know what to get me for Xmas.

    Also, you are fucking awesome!


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