Tuesday, January 10, 2012

One day at a time is not just a tv show. Or an AA slogan.

I finally took down my meager outdoor decorations yesterday.  Yes, on Monday, January 9th.  Oh, yours were down the day after Christmas? I'll try not to hate you, much.

I haven't been able to motivate myself to deal with the crappy decorations, partly because I've been sick, mostly because they are so fucking crappy.  We have tons of lights, but only have outlets outside in the backyard, so it's either use giant orange extension cords or do without.  Lately, we've done without.  I miss the lights, and am seriously considering hiring someone to put in an outlet out front, but cheapness and inertia have so far kept me from doing so.

Instead, I've been putting up really shitty looking greenery and some of those plastic outdoor ornaments, which pale in comparison to the lightfest going on next door and across the street, but are marginally better than the creepy ass elf/demon the people down the street set up in some sort of half Halloween/half Christmas tribute.

The main reason the ornaments even came down yesterday was because I was working from home and the mail lady stopped off with a package [fuck it - I'm continuing to order stuff with a goal of receiving a package a week because I LOVE GETTING STUFF IN THE MAIL {this may or may not be a cry for real mail from you all} and I'd much rather order something than deal with traffic and general idiocy] and I was suddenly, immediately embarrassed that she had to walk up to our porch still festooned with greenery and bulbs.

The ornaments and fake green pine[?] garland had to go.  I bought some giant outdoor ornaments from Target after Christmas to put up next year [with lights? Maybe?] fully intending to toss the bullshit stuff I hung up this year.  It's those sad long swathes of plastic pine needles that are never full no matter how much you try and pry them apart and that I got cheap for a dollar each years ago.  But not, "Oh, no way, you only paid a dollar for that?" kind of cheap. No. It's the "Really? A dollar? Each? . . . You got robbed." kind of cheap.

So I went out and pulled it all down and stuffed it into garbage bags, kind of wondering if I should bother trying to save some of the less dumb looking/completely intact ornaments. And shaming myself into actually picking up the bulbs that fell in the flower beds, because do I really want to be that white trash family?

I'm not saying a single thing about the patio furniture that's still on the deck outside.  That's been snowed on.  Twice.

It's all about baby steps.

26 comments:

  1. Save the ornaments!!! I heart Christmas.

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  2. I've still got all that crap - dollar store garlands, red bows, blahblahblah - on the porch. And on the mailbox. They're not "Christmas" decorations; they're "seasonal"! And around here, winter lasts until April, so I've got plenty of time. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

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  3. Hey, I just read the Queen of England keeps her Christmas decorations up until February, so...according to Her Royal Highness, you're ahead of the game. 'Course, I doubt she uses cheep plastic garlands, but still!

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  4. We juuust took them down. And our patio furniture is out all year round. So!

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  5. Sooooooooo yeah. I'ma need you to know: we took the tree down yesterday too. Last night. The last of the damn pine needles won't be gone until March, though, I'm sure.

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  6. I haven't taken down a single Christmas decoration. Feel better?

    And if you send me your address I promise to send you something and not tell more than five murderers where you live.

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  7. Hm...

    sounds like your decorations and my decorations looked rather alike.

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  8. I don't put up decorations. That way I've saved myself the trouble putting them up and taking them down again.

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  9. I still have twinkle lights all over the front of my house. Hubby is gone for the week, so I'm using that as my excuse. But secretly, I like them, and will miss them.

    And, I'm lazy too.

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  10. Quit trying to feel unique- I took down my tree Sunday night. And ALL my 'pine' is fake. I did actually feel bad enough that the big wreath on the front door is in the donate box. Because someone out there may have worse taste than me.

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  11. My cats' stocking, which I didn't remember to hang up until late December, is still attached to the mantle with a thumb tack. Where it will remain until ... I'm thinking ... my mom comes to visit in the spring.

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  12. Jennifer Rose Horton DevereuxJanuary 11, 2012 at 3:58 AM

    Dollar store, baybeeeeee! = D.

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  13. cheapness? inertia? festooned? baby steps?

    I LOVE YOU. There. And I don't care who knows.

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  14. We brought the Christmas tree down on Sunday, so we only beat you by a year, but, when we put lights outside, it really wasn't uncommon for me to keep them up until it was warm out. See, if putting up Christmas lights is a pain in the ass, taking them down is ten times worse, so I'm only doing that if it's a nice day out.

    Then there was the year that we kept the tree up . . . all year long. That was a very special Christmas.

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  15. I'm mildly concerned at what kind of display could happen if you actually get an outlet out front. It might become an outdoor holiday disco, year round.

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  16. throw it out, throw it all out! Simplify your life, then it won't be so overwhelming. (says the chick with an entire basement full of holiday decor)

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  17. My flower boxes shall retain their garlands and white lights until spring.

    Which, in MN, is a long way off. :-)

    Pearl

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  18. I had a dream I had to clean out a mansion with a hundred rooms, and the old dude was a clutter freak. In my dream I kept chanting, "one room at a time".

    Now that I'm jobless again, I may start my own company to help people get organized and call it that... Might as well put my OCD to work.

    p.s. i don't and never will put up decorations. the aftermath is too depressing.

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  19. Decorations are easy. Just make them light. Don't ever take them down, and only plug them in at christmas. Lit up lights = decorations. Not lit up lights = not decorations. Maybe you could say they were load bearing lights. There you go.

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  20. We took down our Christmas lights last year in September. This year I didn't bother with any. I'm considering telling everyone I'm Jewish, but then I'd need to buy candles... #screwit

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  21. cheapness and inertia are the exact reasons my main hall has been bare plaster for 7 years (we just painted it over the holiday)

    it is hilarious that you were shamed into un-decorating by the postal carrier!!

    if i wanted to mail you something i could just address it TO: The Suniverse and you would get it, right?

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  24. Huh, all this time I thought you were black. You're bursting my anonymous bubble with these clues.

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  25. Aside from the tree, our Christmas decorations consisted of two pieces of tinsel hung over the doorways to the kitchen and living room. That's so cheap it's "why-bother?" cheap.

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  26. My inside decorations are still piled in my dining room (these are "my" responsbility) and the outdoor lights, garland and deer (mechanical, broken, embarrassing and "Bill's" responsibility) are still up.

    In all their glory.

    Tonight, my daughter is having two friends come over to our house for the first time. I get to meet their parents under the glow of Xmas lights and hope they don't look over my shoulder into the dining room.

    My son invited a friend whose parents already know us.

    So. They won't be surprised. And today, he's my favorite.

    XO

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.