Thursday, January 26, 2012

The power of positive thinking can kiss my ass

Please explain to me how, in the past two days, I've encountered THREE books about a woman who has an accident thingy and suffers amnesia. THREE.  In TWO DAYS.

First, I listened to Sophie Kinsella's book, which was . . . meh.  I should have quit reading her after the first Shopoholic book, but I keep going back, like a sucker. Or meth head.

THEN, as soon as I finished that book, later that same day, I hit the gym with my work out book, which was about . . . a woman who suffers from amnesia.  This one, whose title I can't remember [is it catching, all this amnesia?], is a mystery-ish one, full of intrigue, but evidently not enough for me to keep reading.  Thanks to whoever recommended it, but it's too much brain trauma at once.

And so many similarities!  Both are women who have amnesia in London and are married and don't feel like they know their husbands.  Sure, one skitters off into chick lit world, and the other delves into the infernal workings of the human mind, but it's too much of the similarity.

Followed by the next day, where I'm on some writer's website who is touting her latest book about . . . a woman who is in an accident and suffers amnesia!

Are amnesiacs the new vampires? Am I missing something here?


My oven, which is about 2 months out of warranty, decides that all its parts are going to fall apart at once.  Yeah. FUCK YOU, oven that is only just over a year old. I CANNOT AFFORD TO OWN CRAP STUFF!

And then? Trying to deal with Maytag? Useless.  Absolutely useless.

Also, dwelling on misery makes me crazy, plus I ate an egg salad sandwich for lunch yesterday, which was a horrible idea, and somehow makes the misery worse.

I tried to do one of those POSITIVE THINKING type things, like a vision board or life list, and then realized that nothing will ever come of it. My life is a awful.  I will never go to Paris, never be a novelist, never go dancing again. None of it. 

How do I reconcile myself to that? How do I just say, "You know what? You're done. This is it. Your life will not get any better. Suck it." and not wallow?

Remember when I was thrilled that I didn't go crazy after reading the book about psychopaths?

Shouldn't have opened my big fucking mouth.


  1. I read a book by Gene Wolfe called Soldier in the Mist about a guy who would forget everything that happened the day before. So each day he had to rely on notes he wrote himself from the previous day.

    I didn't love it.

  2. Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella? Yeah I've read that, she's my best friend's sister so I kind of have to. I didn't mind that too much, although the most recent Shopaholic is dreadful, frankly. Anyway, amnesia. I read a book about that. Remember Me? By Sophie Kinsella?

    There's a book on my Goodreads to-read shelf that sounds similar, thinking about it - 'Before I Fall Asleep' (woman's memory wipes itself at end of every day) and aren't there a couple of films on this topic too? That Memento one where he tattoos himself, and some romcom called 50 First Dates. If it's not the new vampires, it might at least be the new Young Adult dystopian adventure...

    I suggest Pinterest as the solution to your worries about wasting your life. You will be - but you'll at least feel organised about the things you'd do if only you weren't busy pinning things on the website.

  3. Caprice Crane's With A Little Luck is another amnesia book. Is that the book you were thinking of? I read it and it was ok.

    p.s. Do you ever forget how to spell the word amnesia like me?

    p.s.s. I just slayed myself right above with that sentence.

  4. Stuff like that comes in waves. I swear, it's like one person gets a book published with a particular schtick and everyone goes, "Hey, that got published and did OK...I think I'll do one too!"

    I kind of hate amnesia books. Mostly because it's almost always women who get it, and they always seem helplessly befuddled and incapable of helping themselves, which gets on my nerves. I have a theory on why it always seems to be women that get amnesia: see, if a man got amnesia, how would you tell? My husband forgets EVERYTHING I tell him 30 seconds after it leaves my mouth, and judging by complaints I hear about other people's husbands, he seems to be the norm.

  5. amnesia is the perfect solution for the human condition. it's easier to be an asshole when there's a chance you may not remember it... kinda like reagan with the whole alzheimer's thing.

  6. also, when my head gets stuck on that negative loop, i do something nice for someone else... gets me out of my own crap.

  7. Oh that is a good question: how we reconcile ourselves to mediocre suckiness. Must ponder this...

  8. AND it the current storyline on my favourite tv show. Of course, it's a soap opera, so it kind of goes with the territory - amnesia, comas, and resurrection of dead characters.

  9. I've been flicking myself any time I catch myself thinking about something shitty. It helps me snap out of it a little bit.

  10. Dreams unfulfilled...I feel ya.

    Maybe if you find some peppier, non-amnesia-related books, it will bring you out of the funk.

  11. I just got my cable back so I've been going a bit tv crazy. But I did happen upon this show that made me feel much better about my life (it also made me feel like I needed a few showers afterward) called: Dance Moms. Seriously crazy fucked up shit! It will totally make you feel better.

    I don't like books about amnesia...but I forget why...

  12. Aw, don't smack me, but it's not over! Do whatever you want! Well, within the confines of money, time and energy and ability. SO...maybe not that positive.

    And don't be silly. MERMAIDS are the new vampires.

  13. Positive thought: If you get amnesia, you'll forget you have a shitty life. :)

  14. I'm just trying to think what's the difference between a sucker and a meth head?

    I feel like amnesia is a cop out. It's like the easiest way to put conflict into your story, right? Here you have a nice but boring romance...just add a little amnesia, stir and bam...things just got more interesting. It's like using a therapy session to reveal things about your characters. Too easy.

    So you go ahead and wallow. And then write your book that isn't about amnesiacs in therapy. I mean, it isn't right?!?

  15. ...and THAT would be the best, most interest piqueing opening sentence in the history of all chick lit.

    "There she sat, the fried egg in her sandwich slowly slipping out from between the butter laden soggy bread, on hold with the Maytag dealer for the non drying dryer and staring at the open door of the now non baking oven. This was her life. This was as good as it was going to get. There would be no trips to Paris, though she had nailed every motherfucking picture of the Eiffel Tower on her vision board as her Fifty dollar an hour life coach had instructed. And at this very moment, she had to worry about whether or not she had amnesia, as a man's voice came through the phone in her hand, questioning "hello? HELLO?",piercing her self pity trance. Who was she on hold with anyway.

    She couldn't even remember.

  16. I have something special for you today, the perfect pick-me-up:

    P.S. Do you think it's this puketastic weather we've been having? Cloudy with a chance of suicidal?

  17. I have noticed that Amnesiacs are the new vampires in Chick and Women Literature.

    I avoid them now. And anything that has the word "tragic" in the synopsis.

    I also had to stop reading Jane Green.

  18. I've been reading, a lot, about serial killers lately. I really have no idea why, but I'm now halfway through Zodiac.

    And fuck things that break . . . the amount that I've spent on appliances, plumbing, and auto repairs, already, this year, is going to drive me to an early grave.

  19. You could start a gratitude journal, detailing all of the good things in your life right now, thereby altering the negative vibration that you are sending into the universe and attracting more positivity into your life. Or you could go and get drunk. #winwin

  20. I like Lori's idea.
    Let's do that together. Now.

    But we'll have to make sure we get REALLY drunk.
    (Then we don't have to remember it in the morning.)

  21. I was just walking back from my neighbour's across the icy driveway wondering if I was about to fall and crack my head and get amnesia. And I honestly couldn't decide if it would make things better or worse. Memento was great. Before I Go To Sleep was meh. Also, I was just saying on Twitter that all those seminars offering help on how to turn your dreams into reality? With our diseased minds? What the hell kind of fucked up idea is that?

  22. Maybe amnesia is actually just the new time travel...either way, I prefer the Scottish Highland Lords to vampires. Feed me. Don't feed on me. That's what I always say. The funny thing about chick lit is that I forget them as soon as I read them. They are sort of like potato chips. Pretty soon you are looking at the bottom of the empty bag but you do not remember eating them. btw, Empress, that was inspired. Chin up Suniverse. It gets better once the amnesia kicks in.

  23. Fuck...I'm pretty sure the Sophie Kinsella recommendation was me. Don't unfriend me, OK?

    1. I sometimes wonder if I suffer from a bit of amnesia. I definitely don't feel like I know my husband. OMG. I just remembered I don't have a husband.

      P.S. I'd go to Paris with you. For real. I'm sure we could find a blogger in France who would LOVE to let us stay with her.


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