Thursday, February 16, 2012

I'm not the only one

. . . who can't read the title of Glenn Close's new movie Albert Nobb without giggling.  There HAS to be a joke about Albert's knob in there somewhere, right?

. . . who swears she only bought the buy one get one free bags of Doritos because they were on sale and, you know, people need snacks when they come over, and then ate pretty much both bags by herself?

. . . who already hated Komen and their pink bullshit, just a little bit?

. . . who thanks her lucky stars for Twitter and blogging because oh my god, people in real life can suck?  And they are so long winded! 140 CHARACTERS, PEOPLE. I don't want to hear any more than that from you.

. . . who gets unreasonably angry when other people don't stand in line the right way - I NEED SOME SPACE ASSHOLE. There are times when I wish I could fart on command.

. . . who can't ever remember who sings that song about Oxford commas, and asks, every.single.time. who it is? [PS I HAD TO LOOK IT UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING THIS SENTENCE. It's Vampire Weekend. Just so you know. I will forget as soon as I reach the end of this page.]

Please tell me I'm not alone.  Also, confess - what do you do that you think no one else does. I won't mock. Much.


  1. The title really should be "Albert's Nobb" if you think about it.

  2. this week i have been singing the star spangled banner everytime i am in shower trying to sound like whitney houston. except i don't sound like her and i keep mixing up the words.

  3. All of those, except the song, I am totally with you on. Totally. For me it's this: am I the only quiet person who, on the inside is killing people with my mind and people asume my quietness = nice? Because it SO doesn't.

    1. Oh, yeah, and only not the song because I don't even know it to begin with.

  4. I have bitten people's heads off for standing to close behind me in line. And I do NOT like confrontation but major pet peeve. Which also happens quite a bit in NYC as you can imagine. Why do I live here again???

    I bet there's a market for elegantly designed little business card size...that say "keep to 140 characters buddy."

  5. I was explaining something to my teenage son a while back and he looked at me (with that bored look that only teenagers can do effectively), and said, "TLDR Mom." My husband explained that on the internet that means, "Too Long Didn't Read" - which was apparently my son's oh-so-polite way of saying I was talking too much.

    Guys can fart on command, but I've never met a woman who can. Why is that?

    I totally kill people in my head. I try to use stuff at those back scratchers they put at the checkout counter.

    What do I do that I don't think other people do? I fantasize about the day that my children are self-sufficient adults and I have the house to myself. I love my boys, really I do. But...I want to go a few days without finding a dirty sock on the kitchen counter or a pair of underwear of questionable origin on the dining room table. Everybody talks about dreading empty nest...and I feel like that bird mama on NatGeo who's putting her foot to her babies feathery butts and giving 'em a good shove.

  6. I am so with you on the line thing. I almost went berserk on someone at Target a week ago. If my husband and I are in the same line together, he'll provide a buffer for me.

  7. i seek validation from my readers. and today, some anonymous butthole left a cruel comment on my blog, saying that i'm lame because of this. i was thinking about anonymous comments and how lame those are.

  8. Yes I'm new to the blog world but so far it's been a great community!

  9. You said it perfectly. And farting on cammnad, LOVE IT

  10. Suni, I hate, hate when people STAND ON ME while we are in line together. I am such a beeatch, I make it a point to make uncomfortable eye contact with them as I step away thinking "how do you like me now"? I

  11. I can't ever remember Vampire Weekend or Grouplove.
    I have to hit the "info" button in the car every time.

    My kids are in the backseat going, "Really, Mom?"
    So I fart.

    Serves them right, the little nobbs.

  12. I would not make fun of Albert's Nobb, as I just moved from Rimwood Drive. The name of my street turned all my relatives and friends into 12-year-old boys.

    I LOVE the Oxford Comma. A lot.

    Oh, and when will the rest of the world understand that in America, we have personal space? It MUST be honored. I lament regularly about people who have popped my bubble. (That's the way people explain to my daughter she is too close. It's like she's a 50 year old person in China)

  13. People in Costco who leave their carts parked in the aisle perpendicularly. Those aisles are 15-feet wide and they still manage to block them. I now carry a 30-lbs roll of tin foil with me while I shop so I can clunk anyone who blocks me.

  14. I can't parallel park, spell, or keep except and accept straight.

  15. Am I the only one who is over Facebook, and thinks Pinterest is Myspace for people who miss show and tell but don't want to get an std from their computer. (I should tweet that). Speaking of which....

    Twitter has made me so happy. I always felt like a long winded, self important narcissistic blowhard when I used my FB status to update people on the random, but brief things that made me laugh, think or made my head spin. But with Twitter- I can say what I want when I want, and no one really cares!

  16. You are not the only one who despises Komen and the pink ribbon crap littering the landscape.
    Don't get me started on people in lines. What's up at the grocery store? What happened to the personal space/wait to the count of 20 or so rule to let the last person pack up and move on?

  17. What? You can't fart on command?

    There. I just did.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.