. . . who can't read the title of Glenn Close's new movie Albert Nobb without giggling. There HAS to be a joke about Albert's knob in there somewhere, right?
. . . who swears she only bought the buy one get one free bags of Doritos because they were on sale and, you know, people need snacks when they come over, and then ate pretty much both bags by herself?
. . . who already hated Komen and their pink bullshit, just a little bit?
. . . who thanks her lucky stars for Twitter and blogging because oh my god, people in real life can suck? And they are so long winded! 140 CHARACTERS, PEOPLE. I don't want to hear any more than that from you.
. . . who gets unreasonably angry when other people don't stand in line the right way - I NEED SOME SPACE ASSHOLE. There are times when I wish I could fart on command.
. . . who can't ever remember who sings that song about Oxford commas, and asks, every.single.time. who it is? [PS I HAD TO LOOK IT UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING THIS SENTENCE. It's Vampire Weekend. Just so you know. I will forget as soon as I reach the end of this page.]
Please tell me I'm not alone. Also, confess - what do you do that you think no one else does. I won't mock. Much.