Thursday, March 1, 2012

Eleventy Eleven

EverchangMotherhood from The Ever Changing Motherhood  and the ever-lovely Kristy from Pampers and Pinot BOTH tagged me for this bit of internet homework.  ARE YOU ALL JEALOUS? YOU SHOULD BE.  Also, I LOVE homework.  Here we go:

1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Tag them on Twitter, Facebook or their blog

11 Things about me
1. I hate the smell of latex balloons.
2. I could eat popcorn until I burst.
3. I hate the smell of latex condoms. [Oh, come on. You knew that was coming.]
4. I have a Britney Spears Pandora station and I AM NOT ASHAMED.
5. My fuzzy slippers are decorated with crystals. OF COURSE THEY ARE.
6. I feel naked without nail polish.
7. I own a pin that says FUCK. Of course I do.
8. The husband and I consider True Romance one of the most romantic movies ever.
9. I made lemon bars the other day. They are DELICIOUS.
10. I idly contemplate how I could obtain Gianlorenzo Bernini's sculpture of David.

He puts the happy in my pants.
  11. I am extremely impatient with technology.

Everchanging Motherhood's 11 Questions
1.  What super power do you wish you had? The power to destroy idiocy.
2.  What is your favorite movie? Right now, it's The Philadelphia Story.
3.  What book are you reading right now? I'm reading Emma by Jane Austen. Again. LOVE!
4.  If you could go back and change anything in your life, what would it  be? I cannot narrow it down to one thing. I am a constant rue-er of every horrible mistake I've made.
5.  Where is your favorite place to eat out? So. Dirty. Oh, you mean restaurant? Then I mean that diner that makes my favorite salad with chicken.
6.  What is your dream job? Queen Ruler of the Universe.
7.  If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Paris. I've never been and I need to be there.
8.  What is your favorite candy bar? Heath bars. YUM.
9.  What is your favorite holiday? My birthday.
10,  Are you a country person or city person? City. All the way.
11.  What is your favorite color? Black.

Kristy's questions:
What do you think is the funniest movie of all time?
Hmmm . . . I love Clueless and Clerks and Office Space and Shaun of the Dead and His Girl Friday. SO MANY CHOICES.
What is your most frequent, daily worry?
That I'll be completely overwhelmed by panic and anxiety. Again. 
Best travel destination? New York City, bitches.
Name one big adventure you would like to still accomplish.  I'd love to take a trip around the world. Except not the nature-type places. Mostly just going to museums and restaurants and excellent hotels.
What is your favorite weekend activity?
Swimming and then reading.
What could be a song on the soundtrack of your life?
My theme song is Ice Cube's Wicked [youtube link] [PS Flea and Anthony Keidis are in this video - back when they used to be cool!]
When do you feel most energetic?
In the morning. What the hell happened to me?
What book are you currently reading?
I'm also reading Janet Evanovich's Love in a Nutshell. I need fluff.
What would be your luxury item if you went on Survivor?
A plane ticket right the fuck out of there.
Biggest turn on in the opposite sex? That sexy time smile.
Biggest turn off in the opposite sex? Ear and back hair. Blergh.

My 11 Questions:
1.  Do you hate baked potatoes, too?
2.  Which are your favorite pair of shoes?
3.  Michael Buble - sexy or sexiest?  Show your work.
4.  I'm still wiped out from surgery. Is there a pill I can take for energy? Or does meth only come in liquid form? 
5.  Do you still throw away cans when you don't feel like cleaning them for recycling? Neither do I.
6.  What's the grossest thing you've eaten? 
7.  What does your journal look like? 
8.  Why do you still have that t-shirt that you never wear?
9.  What have you spilled on someone else?
10.  What color would you love your house to be?
11.  If you could spy on someone, who would it be?

O.k. I'm supposed to tag people, which I am HORRIBLE at, so instead, I will just ask you to answer at least one of my questions in the comments.  And if you need blog fodder - YOU ARE TAGGED.


  1. Grossest thing eaten.

    One thanksgiving, I came out of my room for leftover and there was a plate of mashed potatoes and dressing on the counter. I tossed it in the microwave and then ate it in front of the TV.

    It was good. It had large chunks of turkey in it. Closer to the bottom I found bones.

    My mother walked in and said that was the plate for the dogs. I was eating what had been scraped off of everyone's plates.

  2. 10. What color would you love your house to be?

    The color of FABULOUS.

    Pretty sure you can get it at Home Depot...


    Seriously--I'm freaking out. Lurv it.

  4. #6 A piece of candy that the Chinese lady at work gave me. It was made from fish or some shit. IT WAS PURPLE!! PURPLE DOES NOT = FISH FLAVOR!!! Seriously, I have GOT to stop accepting her "gifts".

  5. the only thing you need to know about me is: i am too lazy to do this.

  6. 1. Do you hate baked potatoes, too? HELL TO THE NAW! I loves a baked potato, just figured out how to zap them bitches in the microwave. Got a tub of sour cream and I haves at 'em at least once a week. The people in my office love me.
    8. Why do you still have that t-shirt that you never wear? Because it says "with an ass like this who needs big tits." And I have neither tits nor ass.
    9. What have you spilled on someone else? Tequila the other night when I'd already had four too many and I was describing something in that overly animated but you're drunk so you don't think it's overly animated way. I turned too fast and spilled nearly half the drink on my husband's shirt. Then I sucked his squishy cotton covered shoulder b/c I do not waste the Cuervo.
    10. What color would you love your house to be? It's brick but I would love a bright blue door and yellow shutters.
    11. If you could spy on someone, who would it be? That bitch from the daycare who said we don't qualify for the discount anymore. I'd like to tie her up and make her watch Caillou. For days.

  7. No, I LOVE baked potatoes! Especially when I cover them with butter and cheese. YUM.

  8. "Which are your favorite pair of shoes?" Ummm, I so don't understand this question? You mean I have to pick ONE PAIR? No, no, no, no! They are all my special babies... I've got my 5" purply blue ones, but I equally love my 4" fushia colored ones. Ohhh and what about my black flats with Hello Kitty on them (yes, they are kid shoes, but I squeezed my foot into it because I wanted them). All my beautiful, beautiful shoes.

  9. Sweet Jesus, is this a pandemic? This is the 5th blog I've read today that is infected with this 'tell us 11 things about yourself' bug. I look to you for significantly more bitchery than this.

  10. I have a horrible story from Paris, where I kind-of got stranded in the airport because I was flying through and they overbooked my flight. Travel weary & pissed off because I didn't speak French & practically out of money did not make for a good combo.

    And, oh, that sexy time smile.

  11. I once made the mistake of joining some girls from work to go.see the Chippendale's at a local bar, where we were about two hundred people OVER the legal maximum. Seriously, if someone had yelled FIRE we were dead meat, roasted even. A waitress was squeezing through the crowd with a very full drink tray over all our heads. It started to tip toward us, an, not wanting to wear all those sticky drinks, I reached up and held up the side by us, because I didn't realize that the waitress probably had the whole thing under control. Long story short, the poor waitress and the people on the other side of her ended up covered in pina coladas. Lucky me, nobody saw who did it.

  12. I would like to point out that I did NOT put that apostrophe in Chippendales! Damn autocorrect.

  13. #9. A long time ago I once accidentally squeezed out of my huge plastic lemonade container (you know, the kind you get at a carnival or fair with the plastic straw) some moldy lemon that had been sitting in the cup for about two weeks, on the new girl at work. I was totally goofing around and didn't expect that to happen, but when she laughed off my stupidity, I knew we would be friends.

    Poor girl, she had a big hair (like Diana Ross big hair ass) and I once threw a sunflower seed in it and she couldn't fish it out.

  14. Oops. I didn't proof read my comment. Make that moldy lemon WATER and Diana Ross BIG ASS HAIR.

    Thank G it's Friday!

  15. What the hell is a Britney Spears Pandora Station?!?! Also, the grossest thing I've ever eaten was a Britney Spears Pandora station...but I'm not sure...

  16. Britney Spears Pandora station rocks!

    #11: I'd spy on Matthew Perry. Poor guy. He just doesn't get the attention he used to. I bet he's lonely.

  17. It is not weird that I have Clueless in my DVD player right now, I've lent my Philadelphia Story DVD to my friend two days ago AND that I'm rereading Emma for the millionth time... Not at all.

    1. I love baked potatoes. Especially baked in chunks with butter and rosemary.
    2. Empire Strikes Back/Clueless/ The Lady Vanishes/ Persuasion (1995)
    3. Sexy.
    4. Pseudo ephedrine. In many anti-flu pills (at last in Poland).
    5. I hardly ever use cans.
    6. When I was six, I was feeding my aunt's dog. I had a spoonful of peanut butter in one hand and a spoonful of dog food in the other. Ned I go on?
    7. As if a dog tried to eat it and peed on it in gold paint.
    8. Because I'm too lazy to do something about it.
    9. Milk (or other beverages) from my nose on various friends and family members. They shouldn't have been saying funny things when I was drinking.
    10.Like this:
    11. My mailman.

  18. 1. Blue
    3. Outlook is uncertain, check back later
    4. I was surprised a hamster would even FIT in there.
    5. Like that place where they keep all the lost suitcases and try on unknown people's underwear.
    6. Now let us measure our swan candleholder
    7. Strippers.
    8. All the way to the moon with an orange and three black stones.
    9. It burns, it burns, it's like fire.
    10. Grace in small things. And big hooters.
    11. Stripes.

  19. I'm tagging myself because I am desperate...desperate, I tell you...for something to throw up on my blog. Don't take that literally. Or do. We shall see.
    Also, YAY New York City travel destination. I can not freakin' wait!!

  20. I am an overachiever (no I'm not):

    1. Do you hate baked potatoes, too? I love baked potatoes. Plain. I am the most boring eater on the planet.

    2. Which are your favorite pair of shoes? Barefoot. I don't do the girl thing and love shoes. Please don't hate me. I'll eat all your baked potatoes for you.

    3. Michael Buble - sexy or sexiest? Show your work. I'll go with the middle option "sexi-ER" because I'm a pain in the ass. And I just haven't met him yet.

    4. I'm still wiped out from surgery. Is there a pill I can take for energy? Or does meth only come in liquid form? Energy is over-rated. Laziness, however, is an art.

    5. Do you still throw away cans when you don't feel like cleaning them for recycling? Neither do I. We're supposed to clean cans for recycling? Crap. This is why I eat baked potatoes.

    6. What's the grossest thing you've eaten? Waldorf Salad. I mean really. Walnuts, apples, raisins and MAYONNAISE? No thanks.

    7. What does your journal look like? I packed it in a cardboard box when we moved ten years ago. Oops.

    8. Why do you still have that t-shirt that you never wear? Because I wear it. All day. All night. Barefoot. #fashionfailure.

    9. What have you spilled on someone else? Like, today? Because I spill a lot. So I'll just go with wine. And Waldorf Salad. Gross.

    10. What color would you love your house to be? Clean.

    11. If you could spy on someone, who would it be? I am under your bed. Right now. It is quite clean.

  21. Ugh! I can't read! Of course, Empire Strikes Back is not my favorite pair of shoes. It depends on the weather... I usually stay away from high heels, but I don't like my shoes completely flat.

  22. I just may answer them at my site sometime since I am frequently lame and need blog fodder! I LOVE lemon bars and I don't know of anyone who ever thinks to mention the lemon bar as a perfect dessert. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so when I have something sweet, a lemon bar is up my alley.

  23. #8: Why do you still have that t-shirt that you refuse to wear?

    Jesus woman...why do you bother? You KNOW I have that t-shirt because the Russian defector who pretended to be a member of the ballet company while infiltrating the mafia before becoming a member of Cirque de Soleil wrote on it with the special pen that he confiscated from the mole from MI-6 so I could take the red eye from San Francisco to Dulles by way of Des Moines and Paris (Texas, duh) and meet the attaché at the Pentagon in order to have my boobs scanned with the special ops black light so we could get the number of the locker at the Pennsylvania Avenue subway station and get the plans for the uranium powered submarine. And I keep it in the drawer with the Care Bear that translator from the Czeck Republic gave me for Valentine's Day. Of course I do.

  24. Love your questions! Although they are quite aggressive! : )

    And you ashamed of your Britney station ... which is why you had to state that you weren't. And you should be. (Ashamed that is. She's a terrible sing. And I should know as my husband was obsessed with her and I had to listen to more than my fair share of her "music.")

  25. My journal looks like my blog. Because it is my blog. Synergy!


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