So I made a cheesecake. It's been a while since I've done a recipe, but here it is:
Suniverse's Fuck That Whole Wheat Spaghetti Cheesecake
Serves 1 to dozens, depending on the severity of the PMS
1 sleeve slightly expired chocolate graham crackers [relax, they'll be fine]
3 tablespoons butter, melted
5 8oz packages of cream cheese [or get that giant brick at Costco], softened
5 eggs, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup sour cream [optional - I had some in the fridge that needed using]
1. Plan ahead. Set out the cream cheese and the eggs for a couple of hours to take the chill off.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
3. Crush the shit out of the graham crackers. I used the food processor since the husband was going to be doing the dishes later.
4. Line a 9 x 13 baking dish with parchment paper. I like to make the cheesecake like this instead of in a springform pan because I am lazy and also it's a lot easier to freeze squares of cheesecake in cupcake liners for later. If there is a later.
5. Mix the graham crackers and butter together. I just do this in the baking dish since I am, as noted, lazy.
6. Using an electric mixer, or a wooden spoon if you are Popeye, whip the cream cheese until it's smooth. This could take a bit of time, but you want it nice and creamy.
7. Add the eggs, one at a time, and continue mixing until they are completely incorporated.
8. Add the vanilla. I usually add more than I'm supposed to because I don't feel like getting a measuring spoon and I like the flavor. Who cares?
9. Smugly pour the cream cheese mixture on top of the chocolate crust, thinking about how simple it is to make cheesecake, stopping after you've got half of the mix on the crust when you realize you forgot to add the fucking sugar.
10. Get the goddamn sugar.
11. Pour it in the mixing bowl.
12. Stare at the pile of cream cheese mixture on the chocolate crust. Slowly scoop some of the mixture back into the bowl, stopping when you realize that you're pulling up crust.
13. Say fuck a few more time.
14. Mix the sugar up in the half of the cream cheese mixture that's in the bowl.
15. Layer this in the baking dish on top of the unsweetened cream cheese mixture.
16. Put it in the oven and hope for the best.
17. Bake for 45 minutes or until the center is only slightly jiggly [like my ass].
I know people get super bent about water baths and high heat and then low heat and blah blah blah, cracked top, but seriously, cheesecake is not that hard to make. It's only got a few ingredients, which, if you actually use them all at once, make for some delicious tasting treats. And if it cracks? WHO CARES? It is cheesecake. Put a topping on it and call it a day.
|Cracked like a motherfucker, and still delicious.|