Thursday, May 31, 2012

Well, *I* thought it was hilarious.


An open letter to my period that is three days late,

I know the husband and I thought it was funny when I said, “You can make me a mommy on Mother’s Day,” but let’s cut this shit out.

Eagerly awaiting your arrival,

Suniverse



********************
I sent this in to the Open Letters thingy on McSweeney's, but it didn't get picked. I thought it was pretty funny, and got a nice email in reply telling me they hoped things worked out. They did. I am in no way pregnant. NO WAY. Because could you even fucking imagine?
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18 comments:

  1. FritterMay 31, 2012 at 9:24 AM

    No. No I cannot. (says a lady with a 3yo and 19mo twin boys).

    Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lady EstrogenMay 31, 2012 at 9:26 AM

    Hahaha. I thought it was funny too.

    I LOOOOOVE telling hubs that I'm late - just to watch the blood drain from his face. Good times.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ArnebyaMay 31, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    It IS funny, dammit! Perhaps the deciderer that day had HER period.

    Mine, since you asked, is a bitch who knows no bounds. She shows up whenever the fuck she wants, just bam! I'm baaaaaaaack, then she stays, all up on my couch and shit, eating the squirreled away candy like she can't get the hint that I detest her.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SimoneMay 31, 2012 at 7:18 PM

    oh, aunt flo, she's a horrible visitor, and even worse when she's late.

    ReplyDelete
  5. julie gardnerMay 31, 2012 at 7:56 PM

    Even your title is funny.

    They don't know crap at McSweeney's.

    Unless, you know, they want to publish something of mine.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BibliomamaMay 31, 2012 at 10:27 PM

    I remember once mentioning that my birth control pill the previous day had disintegrated while I tried to pop it out of the pack. My husband looked horrified and said "Did you lick it up?!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. BibliomamaMay 31, 2012 at 10:28 PM

    Once I told my husband my birth control pill from the day before had disintegrated while I tried to pop it out of the pack. He looked horrified and said "did you lick it up?!"

    ReplyDelete
  8. ShaliniMay 31, 2012 at 10:41 PM

    That's got to be a great rejection letter.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Christine SiracusaJune 1, 2012 at 9:04 AM

    I'm petrified of getting pregnant. More so now than when I was young and single. There's something to discuss in therapy!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Christine SiracusaJune 1, 2012 at 9:05 AM

    I'm petrified of getting pregnant. More so now than when I was young and single. There's something to discuss in therapy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. LizbethJune 1, 2012 at 9:16 AM

    Make mommy a mommy on Mother's Day. I would have gut checked him. That would have been so not funny. Sure you can laugh about it now but then---not so much...

    ReplyDelete
  12. tracy@sellabitmumJune 1, 2012 at 9:31 AM

    Oh, that is very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJune 1, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    That's hilarious! I would have totally picked it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. JohnJune 1, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    Yay for bleeding from your vagina.

    Or something like that.

    (I thought it was pretty freaking hilarious)

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousJune 1, 2012 at 6:16 PM

    You got robbed. Everyone knows waiting for the communists to invade the funhouse is HILARIOUS.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Joann MannixJune 2, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    Oh, thank the Lord above! For you, I mean. No pack n plays cramming up the car.

    Boo on those asswipes for not picking yours, because that was hilarious. They're blind.

    ReplyDelete
  17. alonewithcatsJune 2, 2012 at 7:28 PM

    THERE WILL BE BLOOD because McSweeney's rejected you. And also because of your period and stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  18. MeganJune 5, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    That is hilarious - they don't even know what they're missing!

    ReplyDelete

Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.

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