Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Summertime blues.

I'm not generally a fan of the summertime. 

It's hot. It's sticky. There are bugs. 

Also, people have a tendency to want to do stuff OUTSIDE, where the heat and the stickiness and the bugs are. I don't understand that. Isn't the entire point of civilization COMFORT? Why would you willingly put your self in a position where your discomfort is guaranteed? Do you enjoy damp underclothes from sitting on someone's mosquito-soaked deck? Why? Is that a weird fetish you have? Also, have you not heard of West Nile Virus?

However, the girl is home FINALLY for the summer and for once I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUMMER TO COMMENCE. I have so many things planned!  Hugging! And reading! And talking! And hugging!  She will be so thrilled!

But first among them - the girl had surgery on her knee. Again.  It's freaking me out, of course, and making me sad that she's got to deal with this. Again.  I blame the husband for her wonky knee. I'm not sure why - well, yes, I am sure why. Because when in default, I blame the husband.  It's just easier that way. 

Surgery + minimum of 8 weeks of physical therapy = My poor baby.

So because of this, and my having to work for a living like a sucker, and my trying to get my writing in gear [I'm at markedly less than 50 pages! That's like 1/12 of a JK Rowling or Stephen King book! This may be a short story!], I'm dropping down to posting once a week during the summer. Because you know you can't get the same quality* I've had going with so little time.

I know you will be sad, and that's understandable. I am wonderful, and being without me is hard on people. Do you see how sad Eminem is because he hasn't met me yet? All that displaced anger?  Sure, it sells records and makes for some catchy tunes, but underneath it all, he is yearning for someone he can't quite place. [CALL ME, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!]

I will still be on Twitter, probably all day forever, what with my incessant need for cracking wise in 140 characters or fewer.  It's far easier for me to be thought witty and bitchy when there are strict parameters. So follow me @TheSuniverse on the Twitter [if you aren't already following me, why the fuck not?].  I'll also be posting other places, because I am so desired by the multitudes.  And thanks to Kablooey, I will be spending hours of "downtime" [read "familytime"] playing Drop7. Jesus, this fucking game.

If you want, you can always email me and tell me how awesome I am.  Or how awesome you are. Because of course you are.



*By quality, I obviously mean quantity.  And by quantity, I sometimes mean drivel.


  1. I hate summer too. Your posts will be missed but writing a the other 11/12th of a book is awesome.

  2. I love the summer! Ah, the heat (not so much the bugs, humidity, and breath stiflingness it can sometimes be). I despise winter in all its assholishness of coldom so I refuse to also complain about being too hot. We don't have central air and I try to put myself in the right frame of mind before we have consecutive hundred degree days. Pray for me with a bunch of amens, Lawd Lawd Lawds, and Jesus saveseses.

    Good luck to the girl during recovery (and your nondeath by sweat).

  3. good luck to your daughter. at least she will be confined to the house. tell her heat and bugs are terrible for surgery and totally get in the way of physical therapy.

    working sucks. i'm almost finished with this gig. and it's super easy. i just hate having to wear a bra every day. so much that i forgot to pack one in my gym bag. so the first half of the day i was fancy free.

    bra shopping at lunchtime is horrendous. it's horrendous any time, but when i'm supposed to be eating? nope.

  4. Surgery was your idea, wasn't it? So you could confine her to the house for eight weeks for hugging purposes?

  5. I like your summer plans with "the girl." She is so lucky to have a mama like you! Hang in there, sister. I'd rather only have you once a week and know you are working on that other 11/12ths that we'll get to keep forever than have you more frequently with no chance at the novel. I can delay gratification though, as long as it's not food, or stuff, or work, or sex.

  6. You're spending your time exactly the way you should be.

    I need to become you.


    love to the girl for me, will ya?

  7. You're right, I'm fucking awesome. Almost as awesome as you.

    But, geez, knee surgery. I have an 85% tear of my right ACL that I never repaired . . . and I have no plans on ever repairing. For now, I just kind-of exist with it. Praying I don't screw it up further -- knowing that, at some point in the future, I'm going to have a knee blow out of biblical proportions. Until then, I'm just happy in my obliviousness.

    I try to blame most everything on Crocs. Because they deserve a lot more blame than they're getting. Also? Panda bears.

    Post when you can -- we'll be here to read :-)

  8. You write my favorite drivel.



  9. good luck with your daughters recovery. You are spending the summer being a great mom, that sounds like a perfect summer to me.

  10. Yes, you will be missed. And I also believe there are several people out there the poorer for not having met me. Have you seen Jake Gylenhaal's droopy eyes? Only filling them with an eyeful of me in the morning will perk them up. George Clooney has yet to settle down for he yearns for waking up to the smell of arepas in the morning (those unfamiliar with Colombian cuisine get your minds out of the gutter, it's just corn cakes). I totally get you. And blaming the husband is what is natural. That is why we have husbands, otherwise we would get by with just vibrators and sperm banks.

  11. Good luck with the surgery. And just think of all the fun ways to waste time you can come up with to entertain her!

  12. LOL, get to writing. The summer is perfect for it. I'm buckling down on it myself, and there's nothing like suffering with others, especially for art. Gives us something "real" to bitch about it. Sorry to hear about the knee surgery for your girl.

  13. I'm not a fan of summer either. Anything above 80-85 degrees is too warm for me.

    Stay cool with the girl!

  14. Summer is a neglected one for me........

  15. I am pretty awesome. I shouldn't have to email you to tell you that.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.