When the girl comes home, the snacks come back.
I seldom buy anything snack-y for the husband and me. I'll get a jar of popcorn and make that, but as we are getting older, we're cutting the delicious/unhealthy foods out of our lives. Because there is nothing like trying to live longer by making the whole thing completely fucking unbearable.
Until the girl is on premises.
Then I go kind of nuts. I mean, I have End Times Shopping tendencies, anyway, and tend to stockpile things, but when the girl is coming? I go all out on the treats. I buy bags of chips and sodas and sweet bits of deliciousness. Not that she even eats them, too much, but because I need to show my love somehow, and evidently individually wrapped snack products is the way I do it.
I decided she needed donuts, and further decided that I'd get them from the local SO AWESOME YOU MUST GET DONUTS HERE bakery.
So I run into the store on my way to work from MAMMOGRAM TIME and ask for chocolate topped glazed donuts.
And the lady tells me they're out.
Now, I can actually SEE an ass ton of regular glazed yeast donuts sitting on the shelf. And I'm pretty certain there's some sort of tub of chocolate topping in the back where they make the donuts. But whatever, I don't have time to argue, and my boobs were just squished flat, so I don't want any more aggravation in my life. I figure I'll just stop in after water aerobics on Saturday morning[which is when I believe 95% of donuts are purchased], because there is no fucking way the girl is going to be up before 9:30am on the weekend, particularly when she's been on the Percocet.
So I stop in the next morning, still smelling vaguely of chlorine [and probably other people's urine, right?] and guess what? YES! THOSE FUCKERS WERE OUT OF THE FUCKING DONUTS. AGAIN. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? I didn't even have the words, just shook my head in disbelief, pushed over a display case in anger, and left.
I went to Tim Horton's, where I kind of scared the little teenage girl who was working her first day:
Me: Are those chocolate topped donuts yeast donuts or cake?
Me: YEAST OR CAKE?
TTH: [Eyes wide, backing away] I . . . uh . . . I don't know.
Me: Can you bring me one so I can look at it?
TTH: Uh . . . [why didn't I get that job at McDonalds?] . . . sure.
Me: [Leaning over and examining the donut as if it were a particularly interesting piece of artwork] EXCELLENT! I WILL TAKE A DOZEN, PLEASE.
Local bakeries can kiss my fucking ass. Tim Horton's ROCKS.