Thursday, December 6, 2012

Bacteria is nobody's friend

I was going to write a great post about all kinds of hilarious and poignant stuff [no, seriously, I was].

And then . . .

last night, I got everything ready for work and my day, such as:
  • Make my lunch
  • Set out my clothes
  • Prep dinner for the next couple of days [I put a GIANT roast in the crock pot]
because I had to be at work early for a meeting and would be gone until after my flute lesson [YES, I AM AWESOME] later that night.

I woke up thinking it was Thursday, and it was Wednesday, which was kind of a pisser. I got dinner going in the crock pot and got ready and headed out.

I managed to persevere and get through my day, despite it being Wednesday, with only minor issues like running a red light I was stopped at [I swear it had turned green, no matter what the left turn guy who almost hit me says] and my hair exploding because the Roseanna Roseannadanna look is highly professional and why not?

I get home, at which point I am STARVING, having spent the day dreaming of yummy pot roast.

Only to realize that I didn't turn on the crock pot to cook.

Yup.  Giant Costco sized roast sat on the counter all in day in a crock pot at the temperature of Keep Warm.  

Hoping against hope, I looked online to see if I could salvage it and was met with the words

BACTERIA GROWING EXPONENTIALLY

and

SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR TOILET

There are going to be some fucking happy-ass suburban varmints in our neighborhood.

9 comments:

  1. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Serious bummer. Maybe you should have tried taking it back to Costco. They take back EVERYTHING. My hubs, the violent sleeper, tore a rip in our fine Costco sheets, once. He pulled them off the bed without washing them and returned them. They were 3 years old.

    I could see you in there, plunking that big old roast on the counter, juices splattering everywhere.

    I did it one time, myself. I bought some beautiful, beautiful meats at our Italian deli. Cost me a hunk of change, but I knew it would be worth it. Wouldn't you know, I left my veal chops and my tenderloin in the car. Overnight. In the Florida heat. No one saw the bag bc it had slipped behind my gym bag. Oy! What a tragedy.

    Hope you made up for it with some delicious fast food.

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  2. Suni, have I told you about the turkey I found that was defrosting? 3 days later, in the dish cabinet? That plastic casing was ballooned up like a pan of jiffy pop.

    TAKE CARE.

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  3. Oh honey. That is THE WORST! I'm so sorry. Fucking bacteria.

    At least you have the ability to play the flute. So there's that. (OMG! How did I not know you take flute lessons?! Wait, is that code?)

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  4. Oh, bullshit.

    Yeah, there is no way to salvage it, but that's bullshit.

    Ugh.

    And I don't know if I knew that you were taking flute lessons. I own several flutes, but I'm only good with the skin flute.

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    Replies
    1. I knew, just knew somebody was going to make a skin flute joke.

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  5. I left a bag of frozen diners in my car & found them 2 days later. Yummy ones too. I've had my share of food posioning, not taking any more chances. I do eat expired yogurt though. WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!

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  6. Oh poor poor thing. It's the worst when you expect to come home to good smells and you come home to fauna.

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  7. Oh booooo! That is unfortunate.

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  8. Oh shit.
    I need to figure out the slow cooker thing. Having dinner made when I get home? The thought alone could send me into orgasm. Unless, of course, I set it wrong. Opposite of orgasm.

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Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.