Thursday, February 21, 2013

Nighttime is the right time. Sometimes.

Last night, I couldn't sleep.

Not complete insomnia, but that awful sleep for an hour, wake up, finally fall back to sleep, sleep for a half-hour, wake up . . . all night long. 

It happens every so often - often enough that I can pretty much deal the next day, although I'm a little loopy.

It's still a problem, though.

But the problem isn't the next day.

It's that night.

Not just the frustration and aggravation of being unable to sleep; not just the tossing and turning and wanting to smother the person sleeping peacefully next to.

It's also the fear.

What fear? Well, as we all know, I'm a delightful bundle of anxiety and neuroses, and when I get really tired? I start going off the rails.

I start getting scared.

Of monsters.

There are all kinds of monster opportunities in the dark on a sleepless night.

I won't look in the mirror until I've turned on the light, because I KNOW that something [Bloody Mary, maybe] is waiting to look right back at me.  [I also tend not to look in the mirror much even when the light is on, because you never know what's waiting around in the night to pounce.]

As much as I would like to [and the pull is strong], I won't look out the window in the middle of the night. Because I KNOW that there will either be a monster or a masked killer standing there, waiting for me.

I have to get IN the bed before I turn off the bedside lamp, because otherwise my feet are available for monster munching.

Much as it tempts me, I won't pull back the shower curtain, because I know someone/thing is hiding there, waiting for a chance to lunge at me while I'm sitting on the toilet, peeing and pretending everything is fine by flipping through the latest Talbot's catalog.

I veer between wanting the cats to be awake, because then if they're acting normal, everything is o.k., to NOT wanting them to be awake, because they may be possessed by who knows what and, again, attack me while I'm sitting on the toilet, peeing and pretending everything is fine by flipping through the latest Talbot's catalog.

So, in conclusion, I'm excited about everyone who wants to be part of my cul de sac crew, but I'm warning you, sleepovers are going to be a little weird.


  1. I absolutely adore you (because you're a goddamn weirdo just like me!) Bloody Mary? Totally in my bathroom (or some random non-Jason, non-Freddy, non-Jack Torrance (but a hybrid of all three, or worse, my husband ZOMBIFIED!)). Goddammit, now I'm looking around in the middle of the morning at work like something's going to get me.

    At night, when I come up from the basement or first floor, I won't look behind me if the lights are off. If the lights are off and I've left something down there, I didn't really need it. If I'm coming from one room to another, I can't look immediately in the direction of where the nearest wall is in case someone is hiding behind it. Don't wanna let him know I see him ready to get me, but I am preparing myself to fight. WHAT?

    1. I thought I was the ONLY ONE who played that Bloody Mary game as a girl(ish).

      That's some scary shit.

      I think we need a grown-up-lady slumber party.
      With real Bloody Marys.


  2. Ahem. That is why you have a platform bed, so monsters/reanimated toddler corpses/Freddy Krueger can't reach out from under there and eat you/slash your Achilles' tendon/drag your body across the ceiling while simultaneously stabbing you a kabillion times. Same reasoning behind the clear shower curtain liner.

    1. LMAO, Ms. Flappy - I have a clear shower curtain and THE SAME FEAR of getting my Achilles tendons slashed!!!! However since becoming single and completely and utterly hopelessly depressed and essentially waiting for death lately I just don't even give a fuck. And I've gotta say - it's been rather freeing! Irrational fear is a bitch Suni, but it's just that. Completely irrational. I constantly have inward conversations reminding myself that I don't know anyone who's ever died in a crazy way such as ways that happen in scary movies and GODDAMMIT if anyone were to know anyone who died in some crazy ass way, it'd be me! And oddly enough? Because of my own recent self convincing and the above reason(s), I think it's working!!! *crosses fingers*

  3. You're not afraid of the monsters IN the toilet? Huh.

  4. So unfortunate that I read this before bed. It'll be a lights on night for me. Right after I go check out the raspberry ketones center.

  5. Ha! Loved this! Because you are right. Bloody Mary is totally real. I knew it as a kid and know it now as a grown woman with kids who had better not be saying her name during sleep overs. I don't want that bitch coming inside my house!

    And that urge to kill the person sleeping peacefully next to you when you are tossing and turning all night - yeah, I get that too.

  6. the only monsters i'm truly afraid of are the ones in my head.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.