The husband and I went to the movies a while ago, like on a date, except with somewhat less drama and markedly less sex.
We saw Gravity, which was great, but OMFG, so stressful. I spent the whole movie with my shoulders hunched up around my ears, worrying for Sandra Bullock, and trying not to get vertigo.
Seriously, go see this movie. It's very good.
Anyway, I've noticed that when the husband and I go out lately, particularly to the movies, it's less an adventure of us enjoying our time together and more of an adventure where we have to execute a plan and move quickly, lest things go terribly, terribly wrong:
The husband: I'll drop you at the door so you can get the tickets while I park.
Me: Ok. What movie are we seeing again? [Seriously. I have become Mr. Magoo.]
The husband: Gravity. Ok, I'm slowing down, GO GO GO.
Me: [Shoulder rolling out of the car, knocking over an old couple who aren't moving fast enough to get out of my way] I'M CLEAR. GO GO GO. [Things sound cooler when you repeat them three times.]
I get the tickets, the husband joins me, and we head into the theater. We briefly debate getting popcorn or a snack, but because we are 100 years old, we can't stomach eating something just then because we had kind of a filling lunch - that soup was delicious, wasn't it? - and I've brought my water with me, so we'll just go in and enjoy the movie and maybe get some popcorn later, if we feel like it. [We never feel like it.]
The husband: [Pointing at some seats.] There?
Me: No. Too far up. There?
The husband: No. There?
Me: Sure. LET'S DO THIS. GO GO GO.
We get our perfect seats, which are actually not that hard to find since we went to a matinee [did I mention we are 100 years old?] and sit down and smack talk pretty much everyone and everything.
Bitter resentment - it's the glue that holds our marriage together.
Finally, the movie is about ready to start, our hands are clasped together, and we kind of lean in to each other, ready to be taken away on and adventure, our mission complete.
And then I get up and go to the bathroom, because it's been like an hour and that is really pushing my limit.