Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Tell me. I want to know.

What's a pretty terrible thing a person has done to you?

For me, it was when my friend and her boyfriend stayed at my house after we had gone out one night.  They stayed in my bed and I slept on the couch, because I am a nice person.

The next morning, my friend says her boyfriend has something he wants to tell me.  I'm a little freaked out, as well I should be, since what he tells me is that . . . he was so drunk he peed in my bed.

I was . . . yeah. I didn't even know what to say.  He offered an apology, and then they left. 

And then I found that he didn't just tinkle - he peed through the mattress and down to the box spring.

So then I had to call this person and tell her that and then ASK for them to replace my mattress.

Which I think still pisses me off because HOW DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO SUGGESTS THIS?

Anyway, that was an awkward mattress shopping experience. Shockingly, I haven't spoken to these people in years.

What have you got? I'm dying to know.



    How is anyone supposed to follow THAT?

  2. Does this count boyfriends, because I definitely walked in on an ex having sex with someone who was not me. Peeing someone's bed is pretty harsh, though.

  3. I have a similar pee story, except it was on our rug, I was 9 months pregnant and the urinating friend left our house without telling us. So I was crawling around on all fours sniffing this giant wet spot, with my belly dragging on the ground, until we figured it out. Was the last time we saw that 'friend.'

  4. Here's a ridiculous blogger-friend story but it still blows my mind.

    Unbeknownst to me, two blogger friends who were boyfriend and girlfriend had jointly written a blog post completely ridiculing me. I hadn't read that post yet so I had no idea.

    I had plans to meet up with these two bloggers and her kid, and with my kid. We went to a children's museum together. We went out for ice cream afterwards. I gave her a giant bag full of clothes that my son had outgrown of for her son to wear. All the while they were perfectly nice to me and my son and I had NO IDEA THEY HAD BOTH WRITTEN A NASTY BLOG POST ABOUT ME THAT WAS SITTING ON THE INTERNET THAT WHOLE TIME I WAS WITH THEM AND THEY WERE SMILING IN MY FACE and I had no idea.

    (Sorry about the all caps.)

    Either later that day or days later, I honestly don't remember, I finally got around to reading their blog and there it was. I was so stunned. I could not comprehend how people could be so two-faced.

    I'm still in awe of it.

    It has been years, and I still marvel at those two people. I guess they are perfect for each other. I mean, you've got to be some kind of psychopath to be so totally and completely fake to someone's face.

    I just don't it.

    And if they wrote such a nasty thing about me, why on earth did they keep their plans with me? So weird. So strange. So psycho!

    Needless to say, I never saw either one of them again. I wrote them both en email telling them how hurt I was but they responded with, "Sorry, not sorry."


  5. Wow...
    So this friend of mine gave me a 4ft tall stuffed dinosaur to keep for her. It was from an ex, and her current boyfriend didn't like it. She wasn't ready to part with it blah blah blah...

    So a month later, she and her current bf and his cousin stayed with me after a drunken night out. We all fell asleep in the living room, and about 3am I heard a commotion in one of the bedrooms. Her bf was gone, so I figured he'd stumbled to the bathroom...

    I was wrong - Next morning we woke up to small styrofoam pellets EVERYWHERE!!! He (in his drunkeness) had decided the dinosaur needed to die. Apparently sometime in the night, he got a pizza cutter from the kitchen and sliced and diced his way through the poor innocent creature.

    We spent HOURS trying to vacuum up tiny balls from the floor, the walls, the curtains...

    To this day, I check every stuffed animal that comes into my house to make sure they have fiberfill and not styrofoam, and I still can't sit in a bean bag chair.

  6. The peeing thing happened to me. Found a friend of mine sitting on the curb drunk out of his mind, said come sleep it off at my house, and next day....pee everywhere. In my case, he mostly missed the mattress and just messed up the bed covers and sheets. Guess I was lucky. He was mortified the next time I ran into him sober. Ah youth. Good times.

  7. I invited my friend out on a double date to be my date's friend's date. I told her that they were fun but not marriage material. My friend and her date hit it off and went out without us several times. Then she took another friend of hers out on a date with my date. I know I said I didn't want to marry the guy but it hurt that she would fix him up. I never let any of my friends date my guy's friends again.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.