Friday, November 1, 2013

This is my brain on . . . nothing. On absolutely nothing.

We have two cats.

We've had them for years - one is 14, the other is 8 or 9. Yes, this is how much I care about our pets, I can't remember how old one of them is. In my defense, she's kind of a bully and a jerk. But super sweet! You'd love her! You know, if you were looking for a cat of your own.

Anyway, the old cat, the one who my daughter picked out and loved and coddled and dressed up all during her childhood, has been acting weird. When the girl first went away to school, Old Cat, who hated EVERYBODY but the girl, suddenly became my best friend.

As time went on, she started being nice to everyone, even people she used to hiss at or snap at. We figured she was suffering from Kitty Alzheimer's Disease and forgot that she thought people were a bunch of fucks who she didn't have to tolerate.

The past few months, she'd been showing signs of age and wear. She wasn't eating as much. She was pooping and peeing EVERYWHERE but her litter box - of which there were THREE CHOICES. THAT'S MORE THAN THE TOTAL OF HUMAN TOILETS IN OUR HOUSE. It's like the whole lower level was her territory, and she was going to mark that motherfucker.

We finally decided she needed to see the vet, where it turns out that she's still in good health, but has suddenly decided to become an asshole about using a litter box, which could be for many reasons or no reasons. So . . . yay?

Anyway, the part of the story that has to do with my brain is that I was the person designated to take the cat to the vet. So I looked up the vet's number online and dialed it up and . . . somehow ended up making an appointment at the wrong place. Which I didn't realize, despite the following:

>>> The person answering the phone number I called said, "Thanks for calling THIS IS NOT THE NAME OF YOUR VET, how can I help you?"

>>> They couldn't find any information about me or any of my cats in their system.

>>> Another person answered the phone saying, "Thanks for calling THIS IS NOT THE NAME OF YOUR VET, how can I help you?" when I called to reschedule the appointment because I had a meeting at work.

>>> Yet another person, or possible one of the same people listed above, identified herself as, "Hi, this is GirlName calling from THIS IS NOT THE NAME OF YOUR VET to remind you of your appointment tomorrow."

In fact, I didn't realize that I made the appointment at the wrong place until I pulled up to the vet's office and saw a phone number on their sign and thought . . . that's not the number I dialed the other day, or the day before, nor is it the number that called me yesterday to remind me of the appointment.

So I called my actual vet's number and said, "Hi, I'm sitting in your parking lot, just realizing that I made an appointment at a totally different place. Is there any chance you can get me in, say, right now, so I can bring my defecating cat in and get her fixed up?"

Luckily, they had an opening and I could get in and I paid $50 to find out the cat is just being a bag of dicks about using the litter box.

I ended up cancelling with the other place instead of just not showing up, because I at least have the mental capacity to do that.

Seriously. My brain is a mess.

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I'm going to do Nablogsomethingsomething, where you write a post every day for the month of November.

Stop laughing.

3 comments:

  1. I may Nablosomethingbullshit with you. I may. Also, cats are often dicks for the hell of it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm going to enjoy the month of November if you keep 'em coming like this.

    ReplyDelete

Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.