Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I did not see that coming.

I'm kind of going back and forth on the whole GOOP "conscious uncoupling" thing. I mean, obviously, it is terrible in like a thousand ways, and yet, it's always pretty bad when people get divorced. Isn't it? I don't know. I've never been divorced. I have friends and family who have divorced, and even when their marriages were terrible the divorce was still hard. The aftermath was still un-fun.

So. How to feel about a sanctimonious pill who is getting divorced but can't even use the word, because it's so . . . what? Pedestrian? I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm working on being a nicer person. Mostly to myself, but also to a bunch of other people I like people in general. It's not easy for me. It's super fucking hard. I mean, this is a song I actually sing to myself sometimes:
I hate everybody 
So so much
Except for the girl
And sometimes
The husband
The melody is kind of peppy, but the underlying message is still pretty hateful.

So when my nemesis fails spectacularly at something that's already hard and fraught with pain, do I pile on or just walk away? Do you get what you put out in the world? Does being more positive about life in general lead to a better outlook which leads to a better life? Is it fucking lunchtime yet or what?

I think I'll just leave this alone, because shitty things happening to shitty people is like fish-in-a-barrel-schadenfreude. It's too easy.

Eh, just maybe one little dig:
Bitch, you couldn't even keep it together with that Coldplay guy, the most milquetoast boring-ass motherfucker since Nickelback or snore oh my god so boring. Enjoy your tepid juice-cleanse-based "uncoupling" and I can't wait until you Eat Pray GOOP your way through this.
I think that's plenty.


  1. Quelle restraint!

    To this:
    "Do you get what you put out in the world? Does being more positive about life in general lead to a better outlook which leads to a better life?"
    I believe Gwyneth would say definitely "yes." But she would probably use a more highbrow word. Or say it in a faux British accent. She also has a lot to gain by you taking the high less place to get her ass handed to her.

    But I also think what you put out there has an impact. Sometimes it's just so hard to resist...

  2. Oh, my lady. I will always consciously couple with you.
    Or something like that.

    p.s. Phrase of the day: fish-in-a-barrel-schadenfreude. Win.

  3. I love all the snark. I don't really wish bad things on annoying people. My fav is that he found out her British accent was fake and she is really an American. I also liked that he was hungry for real food and she would not let him eat it.

  4. That ending was totally worth the wait.


  5. Reason 569, 386 that I love you Suni.
    You took the right path,as usual.
    Gwen needs to remember Karma's a bitch even when you're a bitch. ;)


  6. I just think the hordes of people who are unconsciously coupling should pay attention.

    I don't really have an opinion about the twos of them splitting. I don't really care. I hope they find common ground enough to make it as good as it can possibly be for the kids. My MIL told me once about my commenting on the hardness of marriage: if it were easy, every Tom Dick and StupidAss would be able to do it.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.