Do you even understand how awesome today is? DO YOU? Here is a hint:
|I know! A landline!|
Today, the ever-lovely, unbelievably genius Peyton Price of Suburban Haiku is here at my humble blog, dropping haiku like a jedi master. Do you follow her? Have you read her stuff? Do you have a weirdly almost stalkery fancrush on her, too? I followed Peyton on Twitter and fell in love. That crush was cemented when I picked up the Suburban Haiku: Christmas Special for some fun holiday reading and it made a usually stressful time delightfully hilarious. I giggled. A lot. Despite an influx of in-laws.
A couple of weeks ago, I got Peyton's newest book, Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches from Behind the Picket Fence, and from the first haiku, I was once again cracking up - seriously, from the very first one.
|This is the first one. I'm still laughing. And I don't even have a dog.|
Peyton does such a great job of deftly and succinctly capturing the mood and ethos and inanity of suburban living, she makes minutiae universal. In 17 syllables, she breaks down the sanctimony and insecurity that belie life in these American suburbs.
[Yup, B.A. and M.A. in English Literature. And yes, I was the one who said, "Poetry is far superior to fiction as a means of expressing eternal truths" during that Lit seminar. You're welcome, bitches.]
The husband happened to see the book and picked it up and then could not stop laughing. Yes, don’t let the pink cover fool you, this book is for all the sexes.
|He kept saying "ice box." And then I stabbed him.|
|We all know her, right?|
Seriously. Peyton’s brilliant.
Anyway, Peyton graciously put together an opportunity for us to delve into the genius that is Suburban Haiku. To make it easier on us, and because this is my blog, she created some haiku that WE can finish, in our own inimitable ways. Like, by using swears.
This is WAY better than Mad Libs.
Remember, it's 5-7-5. So count out syllables and do your best and leave your version in the comments.
I'll be randomly picking out A WINNER for a copy of Peyton's book next week. ARE YOU EXCITED? I KNOW! ME, TOO!
Start Haiku-ing, people. GO!
In The Suburbs, No One Can Hear You Swear
Haiku by Peyton Price (and you)
It is so _____ hard
to find the right _____ lipstick.
No tipping your chair.
Don't tip it. Stop that tipping.
Don't tip the _____ chair!
Cocoa? Roasted nuts?
This is a cookie exchange!
I baked, you _____!
I blurted out “_____“
but the dog thought I said “SIT!”
She calls her husband
“my husband” every _____ time.
What is that _____’s name?
Dear other mothers
If I keep my kid home sick
you _____ better well.
She calls her husband
"my husband" every damn time.
What is that fuck's name?
Peyton Price is the author of Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches from Behind the Picket Fence. The only time she swears is when the windows are open and the neighbors happen to be walking by. If you believe that, you’re welcome to drop in any time at suburbanhaiku.com.