Friday, April 11, 2014

Total Recall [of my week].

Well, first, I want to congratulate the big winner of their very own copy of Suburban Haiku. That person, chosen randomly, is Food Retro:

Nice shout out to Game of Thrones.
I'll be contacting you to get your information. For NON-creepy things. Like getting you this book. NOT for looking in your windows. I swear.

I love this book. It's a fucking riot.


Other things that have been happening are me being in a movie trailer about blogging called What is Blogging? It's hilarious. You have to watch it, if you haven't yet. GUESS WHICH ONE I AM!


Also, I am missing all the winter and piles of snow, because my yard looks like ass. Not like a nice ass, like a JLo ass. More like an ass that is suffering from mange. I wish I cared more or less about this. More, and then I'd do something about it besides lament how terrible it looks. Less, and I wouldn't even care at all.

Or maybe I wish the husband cared more, and then he'd deal with it and everyone would be happy. I've tried TWICE to hire people to deal with this and he flat out refuses, because he'll take care of it and then he doesn't. I'd just go ahead and hire someone myself, except 1) No money right now; and 2) I don't think this is the hill I want to die on. I'm saving that big argument for when I show up in the driveway with a helicopter.


I have this weird clicking noise thing in my ears that's been going on for, honest to god, years. Periodically, I hit up an ENT, who checks things out and tells me my hearing is fine and there's nothing physically wrong. So I deal with this noise [like when you blow out your ears when they're stuffed up] every fucking time I breath. It's delightful.

This last time I went, the doctor asked me if I could hear myself breathing. I said no, because what? AND NOW ALL I HEAR IS MYSELF BREATHING. I hate that doctor. I really do. [PS. My hearing is excellent and there's nothing physically wrong with my ears. The latest thought is the eustachian tube opens or closes too much each time I swallow or exhale and that's what I'm hearing.]

Fuck. I've become that old person who tells you about their medical history when all you want to hear about is either stories about being drunk or NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.


I started watching Hart of Dixie on Netflix, for which I blame a good friend of mine, and even though it is RIDICULOUS IN THE EXTREME, I cannot stop watching it. I even put it on while I do yoga.

I am so ashamed of myself.

1 comment:

  1. I think I know but I do not want to blow your cover. BTW, I did NOT get chosen for LTYM. I was bummed about that. Maybe some other year. The clicking...I don't want to alarm you or anything, but don't cockroaches click? OMG I'm so mean no wonder I didn't get chosen to nurture people on Mother's Day, Jesus Christ, I'm a monster. Hire someone, take your husband out for a romantic interlude, and when you come back, voila, everyone happy. See? I am fucking nurturing.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.