I cannot focus.
I'm trying to study and while I find the topic interesting, I can't make myself pay attention to what I'm reading.
Instead, I do things that I don't really want to do, because I can't actually do something I really want to do, because I should be studying. So I procrastinate and get no joy out of it. For god's sake, I just read Dear Abbey. MAKE IT STOP.
Back to the books.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Just another Saturday Night
I had the biopsy done yesterday. It went pretty well - they found the lump quickly on the ultrasound and I spent minimal time laying on the table with my boob through the hole of the table, immobile. The gouging and tugging was not so terrible because of the Lidocaine. Of course, also because of the Lidocaine, I ended up with the shakes (epinephrine) and nearly fainted when I tried to get up. So I spent a good 20-30 minutes laying down with my feet up trying not to hurl or pass out.
The doctor, nurse and E were all really good about it. They alternately patted (nurse) held my hand (E) and talked to me (Dr.) in a soothing manner. All in all, I would highly recommend them for your biopsy needs.
Things looked good, and I'll get the final pathology results by Wednesday. I'm now the proud owner of not only a hole in my boob, but also a little piece of titanium marking the spot of the lump. COOL!
I spent the rest of the day yesterday relaxing. By relaxing, I mean alternately taking meds and icing my boob while watching:
Time for a bit more studying before bed.
The doctor, nurse and E were all really good about it. They alternately patted (nurse) held my hand (E) and talked to me (Dr.) in a soothing manner. All in all, I would highly recommend them for your biopsy needs.
Things looked good, and I'll get the final pathology results by Wednesday. I'm now the proud owner of not only a hole in my boob, but also a little piece of titanium marking the spot of the lump. COOL!
I spent the rest of the day yesterday relaxing. By relaxing, I mean alternately taking meds and icing my boob while watching:
- 3 episodes of Bones (my friend hipped me to this, and it's a good show. I enjoy smart talking; I'm not so crazy about the gory bits, so I look away a lot.)
- 2 George Clooney movies (Michael Clayton and The Perfect Storm - I dig Tilda Swinton, but she was barely in that movie, right? How did she win an Oscar? And I thought the boat movie was too long. Also, they all looked like they smelled. And my friend - who came over and brought me dinner since E had to work late - and I argued that one of the actors was either Hugh Jackman or Orlando Bloom; he was neither.)
- Part of Chris Rock Kill Messenger (not as funny as his first special - but he has on a killer tuxedo in London or Johannesburg; I could do without the shiny leather jacket he wore in NY.)
- And a 30 Rock episode (I don't think Steve Martin is a comic genius. He's just a guy with white hair who did a lot of cocaine. There. I said it.).
Time for a bit more studying before bed.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
This is Party Time - And it's not polite for you to muck around
So this year we are having a dress up cocktail party for the holidays. Adults only. It's quite a change from the usual entertaining we do, where we have a mess of people and their kids over and pick our teeth and eat vats of dip on piles of chips.
I'm excited about this. I love parties, and I love hosting them. And who doesn't love getting all fabuloso-ed up and looking delightful? I'm kinda geeked.
The last party we went to, last weekend, was a lot of fun. Also only adults. However, we played Wii and some games and got INSANELY competitive. Well, not everyone did. Me. And 2 other people. Who somehow ended up on the same team all night long. I think we're banned from doing that anymore.
I'm staying positive and thinking good thoughts. Tomorrow is my biopsy, and while I know intellectually it's almost certainly going to be fine, there's still that little part of me that is freaking out. Time to put that one to bed.
I'm excited about this. I love parties, and I love hosting them. And who doesn't love getting all fabuloso-ed up and looking delightful? I'm kinda geeked.
The last party we went to, last weekend, was a lot of fun. Also only adults. However, we played Wii and some games and got INSANELY competitive. Well, not everyone did. Me. And 2 other people. Who somehow ended up on the same team all night long. I think we're banned from doing that anymore.
I'm staying positive and thinking good thoughts. Tomorrow is my biopsy, and while I know intellectually it's almost certainly going to be fine, there's still that little part of me that is freaking out. Time to put that one to bed.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Finding the book
We took the girl to a private school open house a few weeks ago. It's one of those very expensive, very fancy places, so of course we tried to act as yokel as possible.
My cousins went to high school there, and for the most part really enjoyed it. We were debating sending the girl there for middle school; however, the $22,000 per year price tag is making us rethink what it would mean to be without food or shelter.
The best part of the tour was when we went to the library and saw a card catalog, still full of index cards. E and I were excited, and tried to convey our excitement to the girl, who looked at us as if we were insane and had absolutely no idea what a card catalog would be useful for.
I loved card catalogs, because they were a great way not only to look for the book you wanted, but find the book you didn't know you were interested in. I loved flipping through the cards and seeing all those names and brief descriptions of the books and finding humor in the placement of some of the cards.
Looking stuff up on a computer is not even close to being the same.
My cousins went to high school there, and for the most part really enjoyed it. We were debating sending the girl there for middle school; however, the $22,000 per year price tag is making us rethink what it would mean to be without food or shelter.
The best part of the tour was when we went to the library and saw a card catalog, still full of index cards. E and I were excited, and tried to convey our excitement to the girl, who looked at us as if we were insane and had absolutely no idea what a card catalog would be useful for.
I loved card catalogs, because they were a great way not only to look for the book you wanted, but find the book you didn't know you were interested in. I loved flipping through the cards and seeing all those names and brief descriptions of the books and finding humor in the placement of some of the cards.
Looking stuff up on a computer is not even close to being the same.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Belated Election Highlights.
I think it goes without saying that I voted for Obama. Everyone who knows me knows that I am VERY liberal. However, the city I live in is VERY Republican, and my poor kid had a taste of it.
My dad (who, even though he is racist and a Republican - why? I don't know. He's an immigrant and Muslim, so that's 2 strikes already - actually voted for Obama. Or so he says.) has been picking up the girl from school. He bought her a lottery ticket and she won some money, so he took her to the store to get the $30.
While they were there, the girl saw the Jones Soda Obama Yes We Can Cola, and she wanted to buy one. Some random fucking cunt lunatic sees this 11 year old girl and old man going to buy Obama soda and starts railing about how "he's not even president and he's never going to be president and he's a socialist" and all sorts of nuttiness. My dad sad he and the several people in line behind him were just stopped dead in shock. My child pretty much blew it off. I'm still miffed. I'm trying to figure out how to write a scathing letter to the editor of the local paper that would be polite enough to get my point across, but I can't think of a nicer way to describe that woman.
Also, someone stole our 1st Obama sign. The one it took me forever to get because none of the Obama campaign offices had any. Luckily, my neighbor is a union guy, and he had a bunch. So we had a new one up right quick.
No line for voting. At all. So that was cool. But our voting stickers are cheap - some cities, particularly Detroit, had faboo I Voted stickers. I'm a little jealous.
Still smiling that Obama is going to be sworn in in 10 weeks. I can't believe it.
My dad (who, even though he is racist and a Republican - why? I don't know. He's an immigrant and Muslim, so that's 2 strikes already - actually voted for Obama. Or so he says.) has been picking up the girl from school. He bought her a lottery ticket and she won some money, so he took her to the store to get the $30.
While they were there, the girl saw the Jones Soda Obama Yes We Can Cola, and she wanted to buy one. Some random fucking cunt lunatic sees this 11 year old girl and old man going to buy Obama soda and starts railing about how "he's not even president and he's never going to be president and he's a socialist" and all sorts of nuttiness. My dad sad he and the several people in line behind him were just stopped dead in shock. My child pretty much blew it off. I'm still miffed. I'm trying to figure out how to write a scathing letter to the editor of the local paper that would be polite enough to get my point across, but I can't think of a nicer way to describe that woman.
Also, someone stole our 1st Obama sign. The one it took me forever to get because none of the Obama campaign offices had any. Luckily, my neighbor is a union guy, and he had a bunch. So we had a new one up right quick.
No line for voting. At all. So that was cool. But our voting stickers are cheap - some cities, particularly Detroit, had faboo I Voted stickers. I'm a little jealous.
Still smiling that Obama is going to be sworn in in 10 weeks. I can't believe it.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
She's Lump
So I post about how I'm going to post and then . . . silence.
Well, it turned out that the lump in my breast is actually more than the "nothing" the ultrasound guy told me it was when I went back for the different views and ultrasound that Thursday. Instead, my ob/gyn's office called me at work the following Monday and said, "He told you WHAT? He should not have told you that!" and suggested I call a surgical oncologist for a consult. So I did. And it turns out it's probably nothing, but I'm going to get a needle biopsy in the next week or two to make sure.
My friend who had breast cancer offered to go with me (after I blubberingly called her saying, "WHAT THE FUCK?"), and my husband met up with me at the Dr.'s office, so I had my own little posse walking into the consult. I felt like Vince from Entourage. But with less facial hair.
So it's still not 100% certain that it's nothing, but we're more certain than not that it's a benign tumor (the adjective benign does little to take away the EEEEEEEEEKKKK of hearing a doctor say, "You have a *** tumor in your breast." Seriously. Doesn't help.).
My husband said he's very impressed with how I've handled all of this. I've been really calm, with few tears and little angst. Just one fight with husband about How He Doesn't Care That I Might Have Cancer and one instance of tearing up while discussing it with my friend. And I'll say part of that was PMS.
I'm pretty impressed I haven't gone unhinged, too. It's a long way from the crazy I used to be. It's nice to see how far I've come.
AND, I even tried new hair conditioner today ($27 for a TUBE and not so much worth it so far, Aveda. I'm going to need silk dangling from my follicles for $27) and I've not completely freaked out about being poisoned/having an allergic reaction/flipping into an alternate universe. Pretty impressive.
Well, it turned out that the lump in my breast is actually more than the "nothing" the ultrasound guy told me it was when I went back for the different views and ultrasound that Thursday. Instead, my ob/gyn's office called me at work the following Monday and said, "He told you WHAT? He should not have told you that!" and suggested I call a surgical oncologist for a consult. So I did. And it turns out it's probably nothing, but I'm going to get a needle biopsy in the next week or two to make sure.
My friend who had breast cancer offered to go with me (after I blubberingly called her saying, "WHAT THE FUCK?"), and my husband met up with me at the Dr.'s office, so I had my own little posse walking into the consult. I felt like Vince from Entourage. But with less facial hair.
So it's still not 100% certain that it's nothing, but we're more certain than not that it's a benign tumor (the adjective benign does little to take away the EEEEEEEEEKKKK of hearing a doctor say, "You have a *** tumor in your breast." Seriously. Doesn't help.).
My husband said he's very impressed with how I've handled all of this. I've been really calm, with few tears and little angst. Just one fight with husband about How He Doesn't Care That I Might Have Cancer and one instance of tearing up while discussing it with my friend. And I'll say part of that was PMS.
I'm pretty impressed I haven't gone unhinged, too. It's a long way from the crazy I used to be. It's nice to see how far I've come.
AND, I even tried new hair conditioner today ($27 for a TUBE and not so much worth it so far, Aveda. I'm going to need silk dangling from my follicles for $27) and I've not completely freaked out about being poisoned/having an allergic reaction/flipping into an alternate universe. Pretty impressive.
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