The whirl of the holidays, when it's not making me so very, very tired, or cranking me up like a nutcase, lets me down when with a thunk when it's over.
I love that whirl. That chaos. That moment of possibility.
Plus, it's just fun to have a lot going on, right? Where normal rules don't apply? You can do shots in the morning and make a ribbon and bow tiara to wear during the day and make three kinds of potatoes for one meal and it's fine! Just fine!
Until it ends. And reality sets in. Plain, dull reality with its bills to pay and three square meals and a job that expects you to show up if you want to be paid. So you can turn around and pay your aforementioned bills instead of buying something pretty and sparkly.
That smack of reality is often made worse by the dreaded New Year's Resolution.
|Too fucking right, Calvin. Too fucking right.|
But because I am a giver, and I needed a topic for today's post, here are some NON-New Year's Resolutions I've already blown so far:
- Being kinder to myself and others. Sure. I would easily do this if that idiot knew how to drive. Or that jackass stopped STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE WITH HIS FUCKING CART OH MY GOD, OTHER PEOPLE EXIST, ASSHOLE. Also, my default setting is to judge myself very, very harshly, so I judge myself for not being kinder to myself and then I feel bad for judging myself for not being kinder and do you see this vicious cycle? I can't win. I was dead in the water before I started.
- Go to the gym. I'm 0 for 4 so far. I'm hoping tonight's the night, but we'll see. [UPDATE: Surprise, surprise, it wasn't.] I don't want to be a fanatic about it, but I do want to be healthier. I guess I shouldn't JUDGE MYSELF so harshly about not going. I'll go when I'm ready. See? No timeline means I win!! Keep your judgy eye to yourself, jerk brain.
- Cleaning my house every day. This is another thing that sounds great in theory - clean a bit every day so it doesn't pile up. I mean, a room a day? Or just dusting? Or swiffering? How easy, right? Who DOESN'T want to come home to a house that's in need of cleaning after a long day at work PLUS a hellish commute and just roll up her sleeves and grab those paper towels and have at it. I can barely manage to go through the mail and deal with the kitchen so we have clean dishes every day. And fuck, I just realized I need to empty the dishwasher. This bullshit never ends.
- Being more fiscally responsible. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I believe I am PERSONALLY in debt to China to the tune of a kajillion dollars. Fucking student loans. How about this: I'll be more fiscally responsible when the banks are.