Friday, April 1, 2011

The Week in Review

Sometimes it's just bad fucking news all around. I can't believe all the bad news this week.  I really can't.

First, me:

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks.  It's been miserable.  I went to the doctor and she gave me a flu test, which, have you had one of these? Your nostril gets jabbed for 10 SECONDS by an extra long Q-tip. 10 ACTUAL SECONDS.  That my doctor counted.  NOT FUN.  But at least I don't have the flu. Yay?

I made a lemon blueberry yogurt coffee cake that was quite possible the worst thing ever baked in my house, including the "potions" the girl and her friends used to make when they were wee.  I still ate it, of course, because I've been sick and it was easy to eat.  Terrible, but easy.

I still don't have a job.

Finally, someone ended up on my blog with a search term that is so disgusting and awful that I can't even share it, but it keeps soiling my brain by popping up unexpectedly.  THAT BAD.  What the fuck?  Seriously?  GET AWAY FROM MY BLOG, YOU WASTE OF CELLS. I hope you fucking die a slow, horrible painful death.

And now onto the world at large:

Radiation in Glasgow.  Because I'm sure the jackasses at the nuclear reactors in Japan have everything under control. 

The news that Ina Garten was refusing a kid's Make A Wish.  INA GARTEN!  My food savior! And then it turns out that maybe she's not evil, she just hadn't heard about it, so that's kind of a silver lining, right?  Who even knows what to believe anymore?  Maybe she's been irradiated, too.

Clarence Thomas [yes! Him again!] finally opens his bitch-ass mouth on the bench and it's to deliver a horrible 5-4 [of course] decision reversing a lower court's $14mil award to a New Orleans man who was wrongfully convicted and imprisoned for 18 year - 14 years on Death Row - and was going to be EXECUTED due to prosecutorial misconduct.  Which the Evil Five decided was simply error and not a pattern of misconduct under a shitty, racist DA.  Of course.

Cocksucking motherfucking asshole Michigan Governor Snyder decides to quietly tack on a 6 week DECREASE of state unemployment benefits.  Because what does the state with arguably the worst unemployment rate in the country need?  Less benefits.  FUCKING ASSHOLE BASTARD.

The despicable disparity of this country.  NYT opinion columnist Bob Herbert left the paper, and in his final column he declares that this country has lost its way, and drops this bomb: From 2000 - 2007, the top 10% in this country received 100% of the average income growth.  Read that again, and try not to die a little.  This fucking goddamn world.

So, friends, I need some good news today.  Give me a happy thought.  I'll start:

It's Clinique Bonus Time.

Seriously.  That's what I've got this week.

Help me out.


  1. Uhhh...the Bronx Zoo Cobra was found. Yep, that's all I got too. It's about to snow here for 800th time this year and apparently there is radiation here as well.
    Hope you feel better!!! I'll try and win the lottery again tonight.

  2. Gwenyth Paltrow is going to be on Who Do You Think You Are? tonight, where I bet she's going to find out she's descended from English royalty. The happy thought is that I bet it's going to be from Edward II, who was forced to abdicate due to his incompetence and, as legend describes, died by having a red hot poker shoved up his ass.

  3. Good news...the Grey's Anatomy "musical event" is over. And I've got money saying that'll never happen to us again. Also, spring has to be almost here. And also, I'm going to bake a chocolate cake today, which is really only good news for me and the people I'm making it for. Think of that last one as really local news.

  4. I love all the swears. ALL OF THEM.

    My tonsils are the size of tennis balls and it hurts to use my throat for swallowing and other throaty pursuits. So here's my happy thought: I finally have a legit excuse to eat all the ice cream in the world. Which is good, because I could only coast on that getting-dumped-in-an-email thing for so long.

  5. Um, I think Jersey Shore is done for the season. Can I get a fist pump?! Also Stephen Colbert went on Jimmy Fallon's show last night and transformed that horrible Rebecca Black song "Friday" into all kinds of awesome. I think that can be considered upcycling which is great for our ears and the environment.

  6. Good news, good news...

    Ok, I can do this

    Milkshakes still taste good and continue to be easy to consume, even when sick.


  7. Umm... can I join your Union, fucking seriously?!!
    I'm putting your badge on my site rite fucking now.

  8. Wow. Your week sucked. But on the positive side California did not fall off the United States...but neither did the Jersey Shore...

    so I guess I can just advise you to drown yourself in ice cream and chocolate! That usually works for


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