Wednesday, May 11, 2011

And then I ate my own head. It tasted like chicken.

I tend to go from zero to starving in what seems like a nanosecond.

Like, so hungry that my mouth is watering while I'm cooking, and not in that mmmm . . . that smells appetizing way, but more in that If this was the Donner Party, I wouldn't even finish chopping this lettuce, I'd just start gnawing on the husband's arm way.

You know. 


Part of it is that I make a meal from scratch 99.5% of the time.  No, no - no accolades.  It's not that I'm better than you or am trying to give She Who Must Not Be Named a run for her money in being smug about my eating practices [only organic fresh ground black pepper from my artisan pepper mill to grace my bowl of celery ceviche, thanks].

It's mostly that I'm pretty particular about what we eat, and we went through a patch where we couldn't afford to eat out and so I cooked.  Every. Fucking. Day.

And then, as we got more solvent, the meals would become more elaborate.  Not gold leaf instead of lettuce leaves elaborate, more like, Hey, we can have hot dogs AND hamburgers for dinner [Hebrew National and turkey burgers, thanks] tonight! elaborate.

Which brings me to last night.

I finally made my Incredible Blue Cheese Coleslaw - and it was absolutely worth waiting for.

Of course, I was starving, since I skipped breakfast and had a meager lunch, so not only was I drooling for coleslaw, I needed to feed the beast.  Because FOOD IS GOOD AND DELICIOUS. And when I'm really hungry? It's like a Henry VIII feeding frenzy in this place.


It's embarrassing the amount of food I will prepare for 3 people. The cooking switch gets turned on and I cannot be stopped.

So in addition to coleslaw, I made potato salad and corn on the cob [6 for $1.99! I can't remember if that's a good price or highway robbery! Well done, market!] and sliced up a Vidalia onion for the grill and the husband made burgers and hot dogs and chicken apple Gouda sausages [oh, good lord, you must eat those].  I also made a nice plate of toppings for the burgers, which only I ate, because evidently the husband and the girl had no interest in greenery on their bacon cheeseburgers. [Of course there was bacon.]

We ate.

I ate.

And it was so. fucking. good.


Here's the recipe:

Adapted from Ina Garten's Blue Cheese Cole Slaw Recipe - which is just as good.  I'll give her that.

The Suniverse's Incredible Blue Cheese Cole Slaw
Serves: However many you want to let eat

1/2 small head red cabbage
1/4 - 1/2 cup mayo
1-2 TBSP apple cider vinegar [I've used red wine vinegar before & it's just as good]
1-2 TBSP spicy mustard
Black pepper
Celery salt
1/4-1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese

1. Rinse and chop cabbage. Sure, shredded cabbage looks nice, but it's a pain in the ass to eat flapping all over your mouth.  I end up dicing it. No one's complained or died.
2. Put the cabbage in a large mixing bowl - larger than you'll think you need. Trust me. 
3. Grab your car keys and head to the store - you didn't realize that you had about 2 TBSP of mayo in the jar in the fridge and NO BACK UP JAR in the pantry.  This is nowhere near enough mayo for the slaw, potato salad and burgers.  Swing by the grocery store nearest your house, which for some reason you never go to, and realize they've really spiffed the place up. 
4. Vow to visit that grocery store more often.
5. Realize that's probably not going to happen because you're not a fan of that chain and be o.k. with that.
5. Back home, add the mayo, vinegar, mustard and seasonings to the cabbage.  Stir to combine.  Taste, and adjust seasonings.  No, you don't need to taste that many times.  Relax, it's almost dinner.
6. Add the crumbled blue cheese and stir.

Serve, and enjoy your addiction.

PS I would have posted a photo of the slaw, because I actually took a ton of pictures, except as I was uploading them to my computer, my camera battery died and I only have the one, so I got all the pictures on the camera EXCEPT of the slaw.  Because of course.


  1. ok, blue cheese coleslaw sounds AMAZING. that's going to have to happen.

  2. Might just be the first coleslaw I ever like :)

  3. I'm coming over. Make coleslaw please. Thank you.

    Sarah xxx

  4. I'm literally laughing out loud at the recipe instructions. And She Who Must Not Be Named.

    I can't wait to make this, it had better live up to the hype! ;)

  5. Ahhhh had to tell you, just read one of HER recipes on another site and I almost peed my pants from laughing at how completely stupid it is! Oh, the hilarity.

  6. INA Garten! you know how I feel about her. As long as you were thinking about donating dolphins and a bowl of the coleslaw to a Kid in the Make a Wish foundation, I can accept this.

    Also, MrsJenB made me feel better because she mocked the C-ntessa.

  7. OK step #3 is my forte. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I get to step #2 before a trip to the fucking store in called for. My husband calls it being unprepared, I call it getting out of the house at least 5 times a day.

  8. eating is by far the best part of life. way better than sex.

  9. I fucking love your recipes! Not just the actual food part, either. It's all the extra stuff that has totally happened to so many of us in the middle of preparing a dish. A meal? Whatever. My favorite was the chicken recipe with the "maxi pad" and all of the disinfecting. Fucking gold, lady. Gold.

    Oh, and this slaw sounds tits.

    And now that we're can totally borrow $20. You're welcome.

  10. Magnolia - yes, do it. It's so good.

    Lady Estrogen - I think you would like it. It's not like any other slaw I've tried.

    Sarah - YAY! Visitors! I love company.

    MrsJenB - You're going to love this. Really. It's so tangy and good. And SHE? is a joke. But at least we can laugh.

    La-Juice - I know exactly how you feel - and I'm sending dolphins AND unicorns to Make a Wish. But try the slaw. So good.

    Marisa - Evidently your husband doesn't know how to cook correctly.

    Julie - YES! YES! A thousand times yes! Can we do a winter wedding?

    Simone - agreed. And usually cleaner.

    Heather - I'm so glad we're friends! And I'm glad you like the recipes. I try to keep it real.

  11. I LOVE blue cheese slaw. LOVE LOVE LOVE. And I'm like you when it comes to cooking, except now that I'm on Weight Watchers (because I ate TOO much and now look like an Orca in a swimsuit) I have to actually portion what I eat.

    It sucks. But it's working. Sort of.

  12. OMG, I am exactly the same way (the hungry thing, not the cooking thing.). If I get too hungry before grocery shopping or going out to eat, I end up purchasing the equivalent of the Gross National Product of Uganda! Sadly, the hubs doesn't like cheese (yes, I said it,) but I will be forwarding this recipe on to my foodie neighbor under the condition that she share with me. Bone Appateet!

  13. What? No one has anything to say about food and this awesome recipe? I love how most of the instructions are directed at me specifically, since I'm always up to my elbows in goop, pots boiling, with no freakin' saffron threads in the house.That's where the husband comes in. I am going to make this recipe and I thank you in advance for sharing.

  14. Oh, my word. I. Need. This. Yesterday.

  15. Now this is a recipe that I can relate to and need. And I'm the same way. Once I hit the point of no return re: hunger, I go from OK person to crazy bitch lady in seconds. My husband didn't believe me until he saw me in action and now when I say "I need to eat SOON" he doesn't mess around.

  16. I look at the name Ina Garten and gain 5 lbs. YUM! And how could you not eat breakfast? Man, if I miss a meal, it must mean I'm dead.

  17. Fucking Gwinnie. I love Blue Cheese and I like mayo too and I don't care what pesticide it was sprayed with. No wonder my kids are a little off.

  18. You didn't say whether or not the mayo needs to be organic mayo?

  19. I forgot to comment on this, but it's been burned into my head since I read it days ago. This coleslaw sounds delicious. I'm going to have to make this. The Man will not eat it, because he thinks all condiments are uber disgusting. So disgusting, in fact, that if the bored teeanger at McDonk's forgets to make his burger with literally NOTHING ON IT, as requested, my husband will go without dinner. How stupid is that.

  20. No back up jar of mayonnaise? What are you, an animal?

  21. If you published a recipe book, I would read it cover to cover. Even the little sleeve jacket blurb. And I typically only eat soup out of a can.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.