My dad is something of a hypochondriac. He tends to be sicker than anyone who actually is sick, even if he doesn't technically have that disease. I get it. I mean, I'm pretty good at discovering possible illnesses that I may have and then worrying myself into a frenzy about having them. I really do get it.
The problem is when someone who constantly feigns illness is actually sick, you don't know quite what to do. And then it turns out they ARE sick and need to go to the hospital.
My dad is ill and will need surgery. It's a routine procedure [gall bladder surgery] and he's in a good hospital with a good doctor, etc. Basically, he's being well taken care of and will continue to be taken care of in a manner befitting his illness.
By the medical staff.
Because we? His family?
Are making non-stop jokes.
This is what we do. We come up with puns and gags and reel off one-liners. We talk about hilarious situations that have happened in the past and how we'll deal with what is coming up. We giggle about contingencies and who is going to tell what family member and how.
We smart off about how OF COURSE my dad's got to have surgery now, when it's 1,000 degrees and humid. And how it should go without saying that I'm going to valet park at the hospital - I'm not going to the gym, why should I walk from the parking deck [where it's $3 to park, as opposed to $4 for valet - who's the sucker now?]. And then we laugh at our cheapskate relative who had 2 old ladies get out of his car and lift the gate so he wouldn't have to pay for parking.
We make fun of my germophobia and laugh until we're going to pee our pants. And we talk about the delicious steak we're going to eat or the chili dogs we're planning on having for lunch to a man who is not allowed to eat until he has his surgery.
We laugh. A lot.
So much so that when my mother broke her hip and ankle and had to have metal rods and pins in place, she kicked me and my siblings out of the hospital room for fucking around and laughing too much and having wheel chair races in the room.
So while we aren't the most sedate and calming people to have in a sickroom, I submit that we are the funnest. And we'll take your mind off of your worries.