I love swimming.
Or, more honestly, I used to love swimming and now I love floating around in the water, chatting with my friends and family and playing frisbee or catch or Marco Polo or taking part in our patented Cheating Races [which are awesome and I highly recommend - details at the end of the post]. What I don't love? The assholes at the pool.
The kids who decided to aim the geyser of water at the adults sitting around the edge of the pool? Assholes. It's o.k. to call kids that, right? I may or may not have said, "You little fuckers" kind of under my breath [really out loud] as I walked past JUST EXACTLY WHEN they decided to aim Old Faithful and got soaked on one side when I wasn't planning on swimming because I'm still not feeling that great and just wanted to take a bunch of kids out swimming and keep them out of my hair. Jerks.
The guy who is talking on his cell phone like he's part of NASA and is trying desperately to safely bring in the final shuttle landing instead of being a middle manager at CompuGlobalMegaMart trying to track down a missing shipment of copier toner. Not that big a deal, dude.
The woman who thinks a public pool is the place to wear her slightly too small bikini. This is not that crowd. Not during daylight hours, anyway.
The teenagers. Because they are teenagers.
The person who screams the entire way down the water slide. THE ENTIRE WAY DOWN. It's not that scary, and that really, really echoes and cuts in on my ability to eavesdrop on the group to my left who are talking about whether or not tiny bikini had her boobs done [probably yes].
Ah, summertime. I need my own pool. And possibly some happy pills.
Who pisses you off at the pool?
Cheating Races - these are a lot of fun, especially for mixed age groups. You basically decide on a race, like whoever walks backward to the other side of the pool and back first is the winner and ALL CHEATING IS ALLOWED, which means kids can leap on adults, adults can pick up and move children, anything goes. It's hilarious.