I got spam!
I NEVER get spam - evidently I'm not cool enough.
But I got some! And it was like this guy picked me out purposefully to send his blathering idiocy, because he knew exactly how much I needed that kind of boost. And also how receptive I'd be to it. Because the spam was all about how I should not date or marry American women.
I mean, I know that some people are actively involved in dating women from all over the globe, but for myself? I haven't dated anyone in so long, I can't imagine that if I did, I would stray farther than my own country, because I am, in fact, too lazy sometimes to go to the bathroom and just hope that if I stop drinking liquids, my body will, of its own volition, reclaim the liquid in my bladder for use in my . . . circulatory system? Why does your body need water, anyway? Or if I'm in the pool, we all know I'll just pee [Why wouldn't a guy want to date or marry an American woman? Haven't I just proved myself completely fucking charming?].
Anyway, as the husband and I were arguing last night before we got into bed [arguing because he was coming to bed at the same time I was, which is NOT DONE, as it does not give me ample time to lay on his pillows diagonally across the bed so that when I move over to my side, it's still nice and cool, so of course I was peevish because how was I going to fall asleep reading The Nancy Boys [my new name for the Nancy Drew series] when SOMEONE was on my/his side of the bed, making it impossible for me to get comfortable? And also? HE WAS WATCHING TV, which is only allowed in the bedroom on the weekends or when I'm sick or when I feel like it.], I realized that sometimes, the one you love is the one who will MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND.
Gah, where's the spam to not date or marry inconsiderate American men? Huh? WHERE IS IT? Oh, I guess it wouldn't be spam because IT WOULD BE TRUE AND WANTED.
What peeves you about your significant other? Is it using the word peeves? Also, did you ever think, when you first met, that there would come a day when you would whack [in a not really joking way] your significant other because he messed up the blankets as he got in the bed?