Monday, September 17, 2012


I'm sitting at my now super clean desk, in my now super clean office, wondering where the past few weeks have gone.

The end of August was a frenzy, with going to BlogHer and starting a new job and my uncle dying and culminating in the girl heading back to school. 
A small sampling of what the girl took with her. Not pictured: My heart.
It was a lot of emotion - which I dislike - and a lot of leaving - which I also dislike.  I've been a little frazzled ever since, trying to get my life in some sort of order.  I'm very, very slowly crossing things off my to do list.  Mundane things, like buying toothpaste, and bigger things, like paying a long overdue condolence call [this has not been a good year for my family and extended family].  I'm still stuck using that wretched Tom's of Maine deoderant that makes me smell like a fucking hippie, so I may move replacing that up on my to do list.

Even still, it seems like the mundane and the big have all been conflated, so much so that I've kind of lost track of stuff.  Not just buying new deoderant [a sincere, heartfelt apology to all who have encountered me the past couple of weeks. I know, and I'm sorry. I'm not ill - it's the deoderant that makes me smell that way.  Truly, truly sorry.], but also FORGETTING that my father was having surgery.

Yeah.  I did.

I stopped over at my parents' house last week since my sister invited me over for cake.  I am not one to turn down cake, so I went after working out - which was exacerbating the hippie Tom's of Maine stench, but family is family, and they would just have to deal.  Anyway, my aunt and cousin were there, and we all sat around chatting for a while. I finally started thinking about leaving, since I was supposed to Skype with the girl, and, to be frank, my own smell was killing me, when my mom asked my dad what time he was getting up the next morning.  My dad said, "I dunno - maybe 4:30?"

I said, "Why are you getting up at 4:30?"

And my sister said, "For his surgery tomorrow morning."


How did I forget this?

And how had I been sitting there eating cake like it was nothing when it was actually pre-surgery cake?

I was more than a little bit rattled.  I mean, it was minor outpatient surgery, but my dad's getting older, and he's had a few procedures this past year that have ostensibly been outpatient surgery and have kept him in the hospital for the better part of a week.

I tried to pull myself together and not let myself get too overset, but seriously - who forgets their parent's surgery?

I think the thing that bummed me out most - and it truly upset my sister - is that I missed the prime moment to tell my dad this:

"When they knock you out for surgery, if you see your brother, DO NOT GO TO HIM."

I mean, it was still kind of funny the next day, but in comedy, timing is everything.  And you know how we are about making fun of my dad in the hospital.


  1. I hope the surgery goes well. You know we tend to put things out of our minds that we don't want to yet deal with. You were forced to deal with it through cake. That ain't half bad.

  2. Oh.

    My heart.

    My heart.

    Not pictured, "my heart."

    It's gotta be tough. I'm right around the corner from this and I already know whose virtual arms I'll be running straight into that day: my suni's.

    Love you long time, lady.

    Hope your dad is well.

  3. oh my friend, my heart is right there with yours..RIGHT THERE. I promise. I swear I've thought of you every day since August..and how nice it was to hug you and look into your eyes.

    as an aside, I do this all the time lately, I just forget, I walk around, saying things like :"Dammit" and "JESUS CHRIST! that's TODAY???" I used to think it was just being 40+ but I think it's just my heart and life is distracted..and it manifests in a place that becomes this HOLE of "WTF did I forget today?" so I get it.

    I love you, hope your dad is ok and I hope you know that no matter how many miles are between us..I'm always RIGHT HERE>

  4. Just the girl going back to school is enough reason to be a bit distracted. I hope you and your dad and the girl are all ok and back on point with your comic timing. xoxo

  5. you must be rattled, indeed, for a person with such impeccable comic timing to be thrown off.
    but for a person with the aforementioned ICT, I gotta say, you know how to throw a wrench right to the gut: "not pictured - my heart."
    Hugs all 'round.

  6. Oh that's a lot on your plate. I totally get that. Sometimes the little things can be monstrous. And yep, I got a gut kick from the picture caption too. I hope your dad is okay.

  7. Damn. It.

    Cake is not supposed to make you feel bad. Ever.

    I'm sorry. You've had a lot of hard, sad stuff on your plate. I hope your dad passed his surgery with flying colors and I hope he didn't even catch a glimpse of his brother.

    And your girl leaving? It's such a hard thing, isn't it? No one tells you about the grief, that huge fat anvil that instantly crushes your soul, the minute they leave. I wasn't ready for that. It was as sudden and huge as the wash of love that overtook my heart the minute they put that squalling baby in my arms for the first time. And then, you blink and off they go.

    Hugs across the virtual miles to you. Now go eat another piece of cake. The second one will make you feel better, promise.

  8. Oh sweetheart, I want to give you so many hugs, both because of your dad and your daughter.

  9. Aw....I know how you feel.

    BTW, I haven't entered my penis bread in your craft contest because you forgot to tell me have to remember, I am mostly an idiot when it comes to computer-y internet-y stuff. I don't even know if your contest is still even on.

    Either way, it was an awesome looking...loaf.

  10. Not that this is a contest, but I can totally top that. I was running out of the house as my husband walked in after work and I forgot to tell him about the call I'd gotten that afternoon in which I'd found out THAT MY GRANDFATHER DIED. This resulted in him having a phone conversation with my Mom before I got home in which she told him she was flying to Saskatchewan and he said 'oh, to see your parents, how are they?' and she said 'well, my Dad's DEAD'. Jesus fuck. Talk to you after my brain scan.

  11. Better yet? Do you need more cake? Pie?


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.