Shit.

I am so fucking angry all the time.

I thought it was PMS.

Now I think it's just my life.

I Am Crankypants

Stupid more snow coming.

Stupid law test giving me a test site in ANOTHER FUCKING STATE.

Stupid cold shower that I took this morning when, for no fucking reason, the fuckity fucking hot water heater that we just put in last week and we just fucking paid for decided that it doesn't actually need to give me hot water. FUCK!

Stupid people who were driving 35 mph in a 40 mph zone. What? WHY?

Stupid homework that I don't want to do.

*************

On the bright side:

My sister made delicious homemade Southern Fried Chicken for dinner. OMG, so good. I had 2 pieces and was seriously debating a third. O.k., I cut a portion of meat off of a third piece. But then I stopped. I'm tempted to drive back.

I had a pretty good day at work today.

My kid is awesome.

My husband is growing a cheesy mustache which completely cracks me up.

My nails look fabulous.

My hair is very cute today.

Chilly Sunday

My friend and I took our daughters to see Twilight last night. Sweet jesus, did that movie suck. Worse than the book, which was all kinds of awful.

It was bitterly cold, and frankly I was surprised to see so many people out. We were all idiots. Particularly those of us who got ice cream afterward.

What really irked me, and I feel awfully Andy Rooney about this, but it's a line I've evidently crossed, was the appalling lack of manners. I know I was a jerk as a teen/early adult. But I can't remember being so fucking obnoxious.

• There was the group of kids who were also trying to find a place to park, one of whom jumped out of their fucking car to stand in the parking spot we were about to pull in.
• There was the group of kids who were in the ice cream store standing in front of the door and burping and talking really, really loudly.
• There was the group of kids who would walk a foot, stop and shuffle around, walk another foot, stop and shuffle and basically block our way to the bathroom, and sweet mother of god, there are other people in the fucking world, you know?

Gah. The horrible movie was just icing on the cake.

*********
2009 has not begun auspiciously. Not only was half of E's department laid off, but his hours have been cut, which means we've lost 1/3 of his income. Delightful.

It's bad, but even worse is the near constant parade of death. Within the last few weeks, my cousins' father died, then their grandfather (the father's father) and the grandfather's sister just died within a day of each other. And this morning, my mother-in-law called and told us that my husband's cousin died last night. Brain cancer. Only 28. God. This is fucking awful.

I'm trying to remind myself of the good things in my life and not worry so much. It's hard.

I Could Not Be More Thrilled

Finally. Finally! The reign of (t)error is over.

I'm so excited! I'll be traveling today and tomorrow [to Chicago and back-quick trip for a job possibility], so my access to computer/tv is going to be sporadic at best. We've DVRd the inauguration and events on CSPAN, and I can't wait to watch it.

I've spent the morning getting ready to go and watching glimpses of tv and I've been tearing up non-stop. I am not a person who cries easily. I tend to keep my emotions [except anger] pretty close to the vest. Today, I have been on the edge of tears just seeing all those people crowding the Mall at 6:30 in the morning. And hearing about how the Metro was full at 1:45am with people traveling to this wonderful event. And watching the local news showing people boarding the buses last night to take them to DC.

And knowing that, even though things will be way shitty for a while, there is hope for a better future. I can breath easier knowing that there are people in charge who give a shit about something beyong their own self-interest.

A Clever Title Goes Here

Long week. Long Thursday/Friday/Saturday.

Thursday the girl was sick so I stayed home with her. You'd think I would have done something productive besides watch a lot of recorded t.v. and DVDs. But you would be mistaken. I did go out into the subzero temps and get medicine for the girl. And I found a pair of waterproof gloves for her for $2.49! Go me! Go lady at Target who decided that was the price when we couldn't find a barcode that worked!

Friday morning was horrible. It was so cold that school was canceled. I took the girl to my parents and then had a horrific panic attack while driving, fearful that I was going to lose my case and more importantly die because I was driving in subzero weather. I'll spare you the gory details and insane rambling. But on the plus side, I got to work safely and won my case - hooray! I'm a rock star!

Then E and I went to a friend's house for game night, which was a lot of fun. I tend to get crazy competitive while playing games with this group of people. CRAZY competitive. But I was with a lot of people who were also crazy competitive, so that was fine. Pictionary among these people is SCARY. We did speed Pictionary, where each group draws the same thing and whichever team guesses correctly first wins. There were many charges of YOU STARTED DRAWING BEFORE THE TIMER WENT!

Yesterday was the girl's friend birthday party. Because we are busy/procrastinators, E and I did little to prepare and thus spent the morning with me cleaning and him running around getting food/balloons/ice cream cake during the ridiculous snow that decided to fall. AGAIN. Seriously. I'm done with this bullshit.

I confess, I snapped a bit at the girl during the cleaning/organizing, which made me feel shitty. Happy Birthday Party! You're mom's a bitch! But I apologized and she's amazing and forgave me and went on to have an awesome Rock Band party. After she made me remove a tray of liquor from the party area. I guess she didn't want the kids to get that into character while playing Rock Band.

I got to hang out with a friend of mine, which was nice. E watched some sort of sporting event. Frankly, the best party we've had for the girl since we just supplied food/beverage/cake/decor and the kids entertained themselves. IT WAS AWESOME!

I've spent about 4 hours putzing around trying to finish a paper and it's not going anywhere. Well, I'm getting some stuff done, it's just not all done. So I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. Idiotic perfectionism.

Quick Short Burst

I spent the day running errands. I've got a few more to go, and the temperature keeps dropping and I don't want to do anything. I also [sort of] shoveled the driveway. I DID shovel the sidewalk and the porch and the deck. The driveway . . . well, we drove down most of it and the rest . . . I did a bit and decided it was enough.

I picked up the Mystery Science Theater 3000 20th Anniversary set for the girl for her birthday. I hope the episodes are good ones. The box says Joel is on some; I'm glad, because he's better than Mike. [If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch some MST3K. You will thank me.]

I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, which was nice. She's one of those people I like, but somehow have a hard time keeping in touch with. Every time I see her, I think, "I need to make sure I see her more often." And then I get busy and months will have passed. I hate being a lame friend. I also hate that I tend to beat myself up about things like that while cutting my friend miles of slack [she's busy, yadda yadda].

I have a dilemma. A friend was supposed to give me a ride home from school tomorrow and now she can't. My driving anxiety has kept me from driving to school. I don't want to miss the second day of classes, but I don't know how to get to and from. I guess this is less a dilemma and more a complete pile of shit.

Delightful.

Waaaah. School.

First day back in class. I've been so angry and cranky lately, and I absolutely did not want to go.

Once I got there, it was o.k. My friend, who I take all my classes with, is in VEGAS [she sucks] so it was just me. And other people, obvs, but it was weird not having her there.

The classes were fine. Each prof had decided today was the day to talk about himself (all men this term). None kept us the whole time. One showed us a movie! O.k., it was a PBS special on water, but still! A movie-type thing!

Another started class discussing how a Texas legislator is bringing a bill in Congress on banning the BCS unless there is a playoff game. The class? Sports law? No. Capital punishment. Seriously.

Then I had dinner with two of my friends. And my friend called from Vegas while we were eating. We roundly booed her and her 60 degree weather.

Still, not a bad day.

Even though the idiot bookseller guy who was supposedly helping me gave me the wrong books, and I had to go return them and they didn't even HAVE the right books, so I had to order them online, and now I'm exhausted.

School is draining.

Maths

Migraine + Bones Marathon on DVR + Tostitos = Finally feeling a bit better.

I'm attempting homework. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping it won't be:

Finally feeling a bit better + Homework = Blinding headache.

I think there is a > chance that it will be the case, though.

Must - Homework from the equation and + Delicious dinner.

It All Falls Down

I went to my cousins' father's funeral yesterday [E keeps calling him my uncle, and I guess he was while he was married to my aunt, but I don't think of the men who are married to my aunts as my uncles. There is a lot of naming and familial distinction in my family, and the men I call my uncles are those who are directly related to me. I can only think of one of my aunt's husbands who I would call my uncle, but even that makes me feel . . . Weird.]. It was, obviously, sad. He was pretty young - only just 65. And my cousins are in their late teens/early 20s. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them.

The girl went, because she is very close to my cousins. Everyone held it together, and it was very nice. E, who was raised Catholic, fell right into the service. It was cute. I did very little responding to the service, which is my wont, since I have a great irrational fear that the god of whatever religion involved will either A) strike me dead, or B) give me religious ecstasy/epiphany and change me forever. I know. So many kinds of crazy.

Also, I ordered flowers for the service, and the card read:

You're in our thoughts!

Seriously. With the exclamation point. I pointed this out to my cousin, and she thought it was hilarious. When she writes the thank you card, she said she's going to include the double exclamation point smiley face.

*********
It's snowing like a motherfucker here. Seriously. Has not stopped all day. We've been housebound. Finally cleaned the house, which made me angry - because I hate cleaning and I hate the fact that at age 40 I can't afford a magical Mary Poppins/Alice-type housekeeper/child minder. That is so . . . grrr.

**********
I start classes Monday. Blech. I have books for 1 of my 5 classes. And I'm supposed get more tomorrow. If the weather lets up. Otherwise they can all bite me.

I'm also trying to write my paper for Law Review. We'll see how that goes. My motivation factor is in negative numbers.

**********
The girl's 12th birthday is Wednesday. I'm not sure what to get her. I'm debating getting her a new cell phone, since she's been very good about not losing/destroying my old one. Of course, I want to get her one that's a freebie on my phone plan. Because while I love her and am thrilled she managed to keep a phone since August, I am not insane.

Or I might just get her the ink she wants so she can write with the quill she wants to make.

***********
I roasted a turkey today. The house smells delicious. And we'll have food forever. I feel very pioneer-like today. Also because I haven't bathed yet today, and I always felt pioneers were kind of gamey.

************
I'm going on a no-buying binge. There are things that I need[ish] like a pair of boots, but I'm going to see if I can avoid being all spendy. I'm sick of spending money.

This may or may not be a direct result of:

• The crack in the windshield of my car that needs repair [fucking fuckers who spew up chunks of asphalt]
  
• The $650 estimate for a new hot water heater (ours gives up dribbles of hot water . . . seriously. I, who do not take hot showers, end up showering with only hot water.)
• The $450 for new tires I need which I found out on Friday when I was on my way to my uncle's funeral and had to get my slow leak fixed
• The ridiculous amount I'm going to have to pay for books.

So I'm going old school and making due with what I have.

Midday

I'm supposed to be editing/writing a paper so I'll have one less thing to deal with during exams at the end of April. Thus far I've managed about 45 minutes worth of solid work (listening to Fresh Air from University of Edinburgh on iTunes Radio) and about another 45 minutes of intermittent putzing around on Lexis and Westlaw and my notes.

And about 2 hours loitering on the internet. I have both Bloglines and Googlereader, and on Bloglines, more than half my bookmarks are at 200 unread posts. So I, of course, had to deal with some of the backlog.

Can I just say, though, that I'm way tired of the twee names whitey white America has taken to give its off-spring. I'm no fan of "original" names, either (having a weird spelling of a normal name and siblings and family members with beyond weird [for the 70s, during our awkward elementary school years] ethnic names gives you a different perspective). So it's a real close race for me as to which I hate more, wee little Hugh or sassy Mikaylia.

On a very weirdly sad note, my aunt's ex-husband died last night. He had been diagnosed with pretty nasty cancer a couple of years ago. Although he and my aunt divorced about 5 or 6 years ago, and I hadn't seen him at all since then, I'm close with my cousins, who are much younger than I. They're in their late teens/early 20s, and it's so hard on them, obviously. And even on my aunt. I can't imagine what his parents are going through.

I was surprised to find myself choked up last night when the husband told me, and again when I spoke to my aunt and one of my cousins. Death sucks.

On a brighter note . . . well, it's snowing again. I guess that bright whiteness is bright enough for now.

Bullet (Points) and Butterfly Wings

• I finally used the Shazam App on my iPhone. It is AWESOME. So cool. It knows really bizarre songs, too.
• It's been bitterly cold here the past two days. I'm beyond done with winter. While I love wool coats and leather gloves, I will happily wear them at 30 degrees. There is no need for it to be 8.
  
• I'm working hard and going strong on my resolution to be more positive. It's hard work spinning pessimistic thoughts.
• Barnes and Noble is having a buy 2 get 1 free DVD sale. I'm having a hard time not purchasing MST3K DVDs.
  
• Because that show is fucking HILARIOUS.
• One of the women at work is getting over a cold and kept sneezing all day. Now I feel sluggish and tired and my eyes are itchy and my nose is . . . fuck. I'm going to kill her.
• 10 points to whoever gets the title reference.
  

A Tidbit About Me #1

I can burp words and sometimes phrases. I just burped the following:

Right about now, funk soul brother*

My daughter was mortified. I can't wait to do when she has a friend over!

*I'm assuming that this is the first line from Fatboy Slim's Rockafella Skank. Is it funk soul brother or funk sole rubber? I don't know. So I sing [or burp] the one I like at the moment.

The Party's (Almost) Over

Break ends for the girl tomorrow - it's back to school time. I have one more week off, but I'll be working for two days this week. And writing a couple of papers, so that I don't have to do them at the end of the semester. And looking for a post-grad job. And call the furnace people again to set up an appointment because it's rumbly. And meeting up with friends. So there's some good there, too. We'll see what other stuff I get to. I've only watched the first Buffy disc, so . . .

We still have out holiday decor up. No one's been in the mood to take it down (or dust/vacuum/swiffer). I think it looks nice. It may all just stay up. We'll be quirky!

**************
The husband got me a bluetooth headphone (I know, I know, but it is strictly for use in the car, I swear) and it's defective. There's a loose connection or something, because it won't even charge. So now I have an errand instead of a gift. Joy. I'm so sick of shoddy quality. Can't I get something that actually works? Would that be possible? Fuckers. And I know this wasn't cheap because he purchased it at the Apple Store. Fuckers again.

***************
10 days until the girl's birthday - and 13 days until her party. I'm tired just thinking about it. I'd like to tell her that this is it, but because I am a sucker, I know we'll keep having them for her. This year is all about music, which shouldn't be too bad. There will be Rock Band and Karaoke and, if they want, creating CD covers. And the kids are old enough that they don't need constant monitoring, which is all manners of awesome.

**********************
I'm adding to my New Year's Resolutions. Besides my original Be More Positive [which is going gangbusters, by the way!], I'm adding Think Less About Needing Money and My Crippling Debt Load and Be Calmer. Aim high. That's what I'm doing.

**********************
As an interesting side note: I found our family's motto - "The maxim, 'Nothing prevails but perfection,' may be spelled PARALYSIS." Winston Churchill. We as a family are crippled by this. And need to get over ourselves.

**********************
The husband and I are watching Season II of the Tudors [we have not seen Season I yet. We're off Netflix because those fuckers would take their goddamn sweet time sending us DVDs, so instead, we went to digital cable with a billion channels. Fair enough trade so far. Except we may have to rent Tudors I from Blockbuster.]. We spent the first episode with husband's 1982 encyclopedias surrounding us, looking up Ann Boleyn, Henry VIII, Mary [Bloody and Queen of Scots] and the rest. So far, it's pretty good, although I have slept through most of episodes 4 & 5 [not my fault, we started watching them at 11:30p.m. On different nights.]. We were both mildly disappointed, though. The ads led us to believe there would be much more nakedness and fucking, and frankly, I was not getting enough of Jonathon Rhys Meyers. Until ep5, where he was full back-al naked. That kind of made up for it.

Also, did you know that Ann Boleyn was not attractive [according to the encyclopedia] but was very flirtatious. Husband thinks that means she did crazy sex stuff. Could be true.