Monday means never having to actually have a theme to your post.

Well.

Live and learn, right?

Andygirl and I are the awesome people behind the Raw Photos Contest.  It's a monthly contest where you, the lucky photographer, gets to submit up to 2 un-photoshopped photos based on a theme.

Well, we fucked this one up.

The theme we picked - Back to School - was way too narrow.  So we only got two entries. Whoops!  What Andygirl and I decided is that we'll give a hearty CONGRATULATIONS to LizzyDanger and Teejayphotography for entering.

And start again next month.

Starting October 1st, for one week, you can submit your photos on the much more inclusive topic: AUTUMN WHERE YOU LIVE.  What's fall look like in your neck of the woods?  I think it's supposed to be in the 80s here next week.  Bullshit.  I want to wear my sweaters and go out and NOT SWEAT.  It's not a lot to ask.

Wait.  Where was I?

Oh, so, in a nutshell:

• Thanks for entering in September, LizzyDanger and Teejayphotography
• October's theme is AUTUMN WHERE YOU LIVE
• Start submitting October 1st for one week

Ok? Ok!

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I am for sure, probably, yes, for sure, going to harm the ice cream truck that is still fucking around in my neighborhood.  I swear, it's not an ice cream truck.  It's either some creeper who's stalking someone in the neighborhood or it's the FBI doing surveillance. 

Doesn't matter.  I still hate them.

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My parents just rented their house [which they could not sell - fab market!] so they moved all the stuff out.  One of the things I found was my high school senior yearbook.  I look awesome.  The girl is in love with the fabulous 80s fashions. I am enjoying the fact that I don't see any of those people any more.

Actually, the more important thing I found was a giant frame, so I can FINALLY make the necklace hanging frame I've been coveting for so long from Pottery Barn.

Gorgeous, right? But $49 and only in white.  

My frame is one of those cool old ornate frames and it's GIANT, which is perfect because I have yet to hang any of the artwork in my bedroom after we painted it.  Six years ago.  God. I am losing Martha Points left and right here.

Although, if I make the necklace frame, I'll definitely come out ahead, particularly since I'm starting at a deficit of being impatient and uber-cranky when things don't go my way.  I'm fun to be around when I'm doing stuff!  Call me!

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Speaking of home-y type things, I am the world's worst person when it comes to recipes.  You know all those blogs, where people will say, "Oh, I made the most delicious stuffed chicken and wild rice and asparagus with cheese sauce.  Here are the recipes!"  And you go, huh. Delicious. And also, I should do that with the recipes I make.  You know, to branch out what I write about.  And have a ready made topic! So I don't end up with a post [or too many] where it's just random blurbings.

Or you'll give someone something, say some cookies, and they ask you for the recipe and you go sure! I'll email it to you!  And then you hope they forget because:

I don't measure when I cook. 

I'll measure when I bake and I'm following a recipe. 

But not when I cook.  Then, it's all about - add some.  A bunch.  A tiny bit.

And I do that when I'm baking and I'm amending a recipe.  Oatmeal cookies?  Well, I'll just add all sorts of stuff.  And not measure! And then make up measurements and hope it actually works out when the person you gave the recipe to makes them.  I haven't heard to the contrary, so I'm going to assume that things are still delicious.  

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I have to say, I'm really surprised to find that Gwyneth K. Paltrow is not going to be in the movie version of The Help.  But perhaps that would be a suckfest of such epic proportions that the world would tilt off its axis and we'd go careening into the sun.

Yeah.  That's probably it.

The Help - so shitty. And also a post in which I ask your advice on blog stuff. Trust me. It'll benefit all of us.

 Have I mentioned yet that I'm reading The Help for my book club? And did I mention that my book club meets on Wednesday and I just got the book last night?  And did I mention OH MY FUCKING GOD, this book sucks ass in a myriad of ways?  Wow.  It really, really does.


I was talking about it with a friend who is also in book club [she bought the book; I refused], and one of the things that she found most off-putting, and I have to agree, is that the writer, old what's her name, has no grasp of the dialects she is trying to use - that of un- or undereducated black maids.  I agree, and found that even the white characters, with whom she so closely identifies, are stilted. 


And then I thought about writers who use that effect so well - Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Mark Twain and, in a more readily acceptable comparison, Fanny Flagg.  I love Fanny Flagg's work, particularly because she has such a gift for the spoken word. Which any writer will tell you, is not that easy to approximate. 


So, I'm 90 skimmed pages in, and this book blows.  I'm thinking this is going to be an interesting book club meeting.

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I'm trying different means of commenting.  I know the whole sign and word verification is bullshit, but I did get some crazy spam for a while.  Now I'm doing comment moderation.  This means I have to be on top of stuff, but it's easier on the commenter.  We'll see if I can manage it.  And yes, I'm still getting a lot of spam, but you won't see it.

I don't have a blogroll.  I'm not very good at keeping up on that type of thing.  I also feel like, Who gives a shit who you have on your blogroll, with your paltry commenters and readers?  But.  I love when I happen upon a blog and that writer has me on her blogroll.  SO FLATTERING.  I guess what I'm saying is, I need to do something about this double standard.

I try and alert my Twitter followers about my latest posts.  Annoying or helpful?

What about feeds?  I use Google Reader to keep track of my reading list.  I know some people have an email option.  Do you read those? I'm 50/50.

And the pictures of the followers?  I kind of like that, but I don't necessarily include myself on the blogs I do follow.  Again, I need to be better about that, but there is still that insecurity of "Who gives a shit if you follow? Lamer."

I'm also working on responding to each comment.  I've been pretty good the past few weeks.  Is that preferable to emailing a comment to the writer?  Do both?

And finally, I'm in the works setting up a Facebook page. Because all the cool kids do it.  Do you use FB? I'm not much of a user, but then, I have zero interest in connecting with people I went to high school with, because sweet jesus, the faster I was rid of them the happier I was.

If you could let me know what you think of any and all of these topics, I'd be grateful.  Even if it's just, "For fuck's sake, write about Gwyneth K. Paltrow again, you dumdum!"

UPDATED: Oh, Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you make my head hurt [Like John C. Mayer]

UPDATED:

Looky what we did, PRANKSTERS:

Oh, yes we did!

You may know how I feel about a certain someone.  A certain someone who . . . well, let's just say is kind of GOOP-y.

NOT Gwyneth K. Paltrow's GOOP.  This one serves a purpose.

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, as you may be aware is not only the daughter of Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow, but also an Oscar-winning actress [for Shakespeare in Love] [on par with Marisa Tomei's Oscar, in my opinion], wife of that guy from Coldplay, mother to Apple and Moses [oh, come on.  Really?], and the purveyor of the website GOOP.

Oh, Gwyneth K. Paltrow - Oh, you and Goop.

Your silly, silly online magazine/newsletter.  Your self-involved regurgitation of empty-headed silliness.

I've written about you before.  I still don't like you.

Other people have written about you, Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you and your cleanses and BE.  How insane is it to try and survive on basically water?

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you think of things and then spew them, and most of the time, it sounds like idiocy.

Read a book, Gwyneth K. Paltrow.  Read a book and stop talking.

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you are a proponent of being gluten-free, but I don't think you are allergic to gluten.

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you and your BFF Madonna are silly.  I have zero patience for people who air their fueds in public and online [oh! WAIT! THE HYPOCRISY!]

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you have no concept of reality.  I mean, I guess you shouldn't, because you are the child of pretty famous actors, so your life is pretty privileged.  Can't you just admit that?  Can't you, Gwyneth K. Paltrow?  Own your privilege.  You cannot relate to the rest of us.

Gwyneth K. Paltrow, you are ridiculous.

Alexander McQueen's biggest mistake.


Gwyneth Paltrow, you have been John C. Mayer'd.

Wow. You are so annoying.

Dear Gwenyth Paltrow:

I'm not so sure what it is about you, but you really rub me the wrong way.

Maybe it was the undeserved win for Shakespeare in Love [did you see that movie after you made it? Not that great.  And even you have to admit that you are nowhere near being in Cate Blanchett's or Meryl Streep's league. Although you are pretty full of yourself, so maybe not.].

Maybe it was when I first realized how out of touch with real life you are.  I was at the doctor or dentist, reading People or something and in the letters to the editor [those are my favorites in any magazine or newspaper, because even if I haven't read the previous issue or know what the person who is writing is all bent about, they are ENTERTAINING], people were blasting your for blathering on about how you needed to take at least a year off from work to recover from your father's death [sorry for your loss.  Really.  Sorry, that sucks.] and one of People's readers wrote in and said, in effect, "Must be nice.  My father died and I had to go back to work two days later."

Maybe it was when you decided to be BFFs with Madonna [ugh, really?].

Maybe it was when you decided you were also a singer [seriously? TWO movies where you sing? You are NOT Julie Andrews.].

For sure, it was when you were cast as Sylvia Plath in that movie that no one saw.  You? As Sylvia Plath? Angsty women and teenage girls everywhere are STILL pissed that that happened.

For sure, it was when you thought you could be Emma.  You are not Emma.  Alicia Silverstone is WAY more qualified to be Emma than you.  WAY MORE.  Jane Austen?  Not one of your fans.  I know this to be true.

For sure, it's the whole GOOP phenomenon [no, I'm not linking.  I hate it that much.].  Of all the ridiculous things that I've ever heard of, this tops it.  How do you give this type of "lifestyle" advice and not want to punch yourself for being so vapid?

Seriously.  Go home, continue making movies I have no interest in, and I'll ignore you as much as I usually do.  Just stop trying to insinuate yourself into my world.

Best,

Suniverse