Parenting is Hard Work

I have raised the Panopticon*

So, the other night, as E and I were sitting around pretending to care that the house is covered in cat hair and that we were going to do something about it NOW, G comes in and rats herself out about how she was reading Game Informer, a magazine to which E got her a subscription, and how it is probably not appropriate reading for her. (This, when the subscription is about to expire.)

I know, I know. My 10 year old is reading a magazine marketed toward teenage boys. In my defense, my parenting credo is to not give a shit what my kid does. Also, I think the magazine was free with some sort of video gaming bloodlust thing, and who am I to pass up free?

It just struck me as kind of poignant that my sweet little girl would rat herself out. I hope she remembers to do that in about five years. It's a skill I think she should hone. Because I will certainly hone my parenting skills.

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* A prison designed by Jeremy Bentham in the 1700s and an idea embraced by Michel Foucault re: discipline and society. Man, that M.A. was TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Update-a-reeno!

So I've been meh about posting, mostly because I'm embarrassed that I've told people that I am such a goober about wanting people to like me.

And then I realized, who cares if people think I'm a goober? Isn't that what the internet is for?

And, most importantly, my lovely internet friends DO NOT think I'm a goober. Which is a delight.

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So I'll catch you up with my Thanksgiving:

** My cousin (former student of the year at her college prep school and current pre-med student), my sister (current office worker), my daughter (10 year old brainiac) and I (well, words fail me) spent a VERY large amount of time practicing gang symbols. The Blood's gang sign, to be exact. In my parents' whitey-white suburban neighborhood. As we were taking a break from playing Apples to Apples (Hilarious game!) and pausing between foraging for food. Yeah. Nerds.

[But how cool is it that you can spell the word BLOOD with your fingers? Huh? HOW COOL?]

** I accidentally bought the adult version (and by adult, I don't mean porno) of Apples to Apples for my daughter and her friends to play. Except that a couple of the cards were the words SEXUAL and SENSUAL. So I guess I do mean porno adult. Poor kid was mortified and wanted to know if she should just throw away the cards or first rip up the cards and then throw them away.

** I also accidentally ended up eating with the giant turkey serving fork after picking up a piece of turkey, putting it on my plate, and then starting to cut the turkey and take a nice bite. It took me a few bites before E realized something was wrong. Yeah, not only did I not notice I was eating with a giant silver serving piece, but when I finally stopped laughing about it, I almost made my cousin choke because I absentmindedly started using it AGAIN. Mmmmm . . . giant turkey fork.

** I saw another cousin I hadn't seen in ages. That was particularly fun because we both just found out that we are major hypochondriacs! Well, not really hypochondriacs. Mostly insane with medical overtones.

** E and I have decided that the best Simpson's episode EVER is the one where they go to Flander's beach house. Seriously. Possibly best t.v. show episode ever.

OMG

This is hilarious:




Via Sarah and the Goon Squad.

TMI

A major part of my life is spent freaking out because I don't think that people like me. I don't like that part of myself, but it's there. I used to not care at all - it didn't matter to me at all. That's changed in the past 15 years or so. It bothers me a lot. I feel like there's not a solid reason for people to like me.

And the main reason I think people don't like me is because I'm not _____ enough.

Funny enough.
Smart enough.
Pretty enough.
Articulate enough.
Cool enough.
Rich enough.

I am not a superlative and I have a hard time with that. A painfully hard time with that. I marvel, sometimes, that people are friends with me. Because why? I'm not the best at anything.

And when I'm feeling really low and hateful toward myself? I wonder how other people who are the best have people who like them and I don't.

Dammit.

So Bloglines is down, which leaves me in quite a pickle, because I don't remember any urls to read any blogs.

DAMN. I may have to actually do some work. That is just grossly unfair.

A Picture . . .

My desk is a mess. Seriously. A big honking mess.

I know I need to take care of it, but things just keep happening (you know, like life) that make me not want to deal.

Instead, I'll do a photo essay:

This is the center of my desk. Please note the giant pile of receipts next to the printer. And my perfume on top of the printer. Because I often feel the need to spritz myself with Coco Mademoiselle while working.
The giant blue cup is supposed to be filled with water to keep me hydrated, but I often drink it down to the dregs and then forget to refill it, so I sip the remaining molecules in an attempt to quench my thirst.




Next is the right side of my desk. It' got piles of papers, a bluebook, and my sad, broken backed chair that I use as a bookshelf. See those books? I've not looked in most of them! Also take a look at the Mom & Me picture frame from G that still, 2 years later, has no photo.




Finally, the left side of my desk. For some reason, this photo won't sit right, so just tilt your head and look at the fabulousness that is piles of paper! and pens and pencils! and TWO broken drawers. You'll note the smaller drawer is hiding underneath the center of the desk in shame. And I know the umbrella is hideously floral blue. I don't even know where it came from.



Do you see what I have to work with?

I Can't Believe I Haven't Thrown Up Yet

So I've been out running around all day, trying to cram in as many errands as possible, and I was on my way into a store in a strip mall when I kicked something smallish and heard it grate against the ground. I kicked it again before I had the chance to look down to see what I was kicking.

I wish I hadn't.

It was . . . somebody's bridgework. Yeah. So fucking disgusting I can't even believe it.

I was kicking someone's teeth around a parking lot.

I have to go disinfect my shoe.

AND THANK GOD I WAS NOT WEARING OPEN TOED SHOES OR I WOULD NOT BE SITTING HERE RIGHT NOW.

I Have To Say It Was A Good Day

Today was good. Nothing spectacular happened, it was just a day where my professors were all funny and cracking jokes (law jokes, the laughter of the damned) and my friends were amusing and E and G were fun. A nice day. I like those days.

Now I'm going to go and watch the Sopranos and read some delightful homework and then go to bed and have sweet, sweet dreams. Or at least hope I don't wake up more than once!

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You know what's funny?

Having your kid try Tom's of Maine Toothpaste ("It's all natural! And hardly minty!") when all she's had before is Big Name Fruity Sparkle Toothpaste.

"BLECH! GET THIS OUT OF MY MOUTH! BLECH!"

Man, that's especially hilarious when she's on crutches.

My Lewis Black Moment*

I was at work today and I overheard this conversational fragment:

Man: I would love to be a bear. Then I could gouge out your heart and feed it to my cubs. Well, not yours, specifically.

Woman: Not mine?

Man: No. Not yours. But that ursine thing . . . it's so . . .

And then someone started talking to me and I couldn't hear the rest, so I had to bang my head against my desk because WTF?

(* This comes from a Lewis Black bit where he talks about overhearing a woman say, "If it wasn't for my horse, I never would have made it through college," and how that phrase has haunted him and would probably be the reason he had a stroke and died.)

You'll Never Guess What!

We have a new furnace!

There is heat in our home!

(It is also dark as fuck at 6:00pm - stupid ass daylight savings time.)

I have a bunch of windows open because of that new appliance smell. Ugh. I hate that. Also new car smell. Make me gag. Anyway, I set the thermostat really low so it won't kick on and make stinkies. So. Good job getting the furnace. Once it stops smelling I'll be happy to use it.

Today was invigorating, if by invigorating you mean it was a day where we didn't get 12 inches of snow threatened. So, yay! I'm not ready for winter. If I tolerated the heat better, we'd totally be living in southern climes.

Tomorrow is election day, so don't forget to vote. I love voting. LOVE IT. Exercising my civic duty makes me feel like I'm making a difference. (Please do not burst my bubble by explaining things to me. I'm enjoying living in pretend-land.) G is off so my dad will be over to watch her. Meaning I think we can go vote before work/school. I hope.

I wish everyone had election day off. Then we could have Election Parties and go vote and wear straw boaters and play banjos and have a parade!

Well, a gal can dream, right?

NaWhatNow?

I forgot that it's November, and so on the internets, it's NaNo something or other.

I did NaNoWriMo a few years ago and actually finished a novel. I haven't sold it yet, but there is hope.

I tried to do NaNoBloMo a year or two ago, but couldn't manage it.

I like the idea of doing something every day besides just eating and breathing, but I'm not sure what.

I'd also like to be a nicer person, so we can see how I aim high and don't necessarily fulfill my plans. But I'm trying, so I think that's good.

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We were talking about Litter Critters today. God. Funniest SNL skit ever.
"I made a whistle!"

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I can't believe there are only 2 1/2 weeks until Thanksgiving. WTF? How did that happen?

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Having one car in the suburbs when both people commute to work is generally o.k. when things go according to plan. Particularly when one of us (me) carpools. But when there is a hitch, then it becomes frustrating beyond endurance. And when you add into the mix that I'm still having panic attacks about driving on the freeway and driving on surface streets into downtown . . . well, then it's just a monstrous pain in the ass. All of it.

There's that positive attitude!

It's Time to Get Wild and Loose

I don't know where the time has gone. It seems like I plan things out with the understanding that there are enough hours in the day to do them all, and then suddenly I'll realize I forgot to factor things in like drive time or waiting for other people to call you back or going to the bathroom (which can really add up, when you have a wee bladder). The day just flies! I do get disheartened when I try to factor those things in, because really? 1 1/2 hours to grocery shop? Should that take, like 25 minutes max?

Anyway, I've got megatons of homework and the house is filthy and we're expecting people tomorrow and I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anything about any of it. So in about 2 hours I'll spazz and try to do it all at once and then yell at E and it'll be great.

OR

I could choose to live my life in a new and better fashion. I could choose to say, you know what? It doesn't matter that there is a layer of cat hair on the ottoman. It also doesn't matter that the bathroom is . . . bathroomy and not sparkly shiny.

I'm trying to get to that point but it is hard.

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In other news - we're getting a furnace on Monday! God willing and the river don't rise! (That's my new saying. It's awesome, isn't it?) I CAN'T WAIT!

It hasn't been too cold, and our house is insanely well insulated, so the temperature hasn't gone below 64 in the house (which is where I usually have it at night, anyway) and I try to use the oven every day which really kicks up the heat, but I'm so TIRED of people (meaning my parents) acting like I'm exposing the Girl to hypothermia. For the love of god. We're in MI, not the arctic!

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We're evidently having the 2nd Annual UM-OSU party at our house this year. E's been collecting returnables for the past year, so we're going to get our grub on. Join us, if you're in the area!