So my cuntface post struck a chord.
I am completely in love with all of you - seriously. Let's move to Utah. Particularly since YOU SAW MY POINT. It's wonderful to have so many people who get where you're coming from. Even if the word itself is beyond your own comfort level, I love that you agree with me in principle.
The other awesome thing is that people want my advice. Now, if there's one thing I like more than swearing, it's telling people what to do. And to be able to swear AND tell people what to do? OH, MY GOD, I think I just made a mess in my pants that for once has nothing to do with the abysmal loss of bladder control no one tells you about when you decide you're going to have a kid.
Without further ado, Ask the Suniverse!
************
Dear Suniverse,
i'm having trouble with my co-workers. they expect me to come into work every day and do shit all day long. i hate them for this and it's starting to show. what should i do?
lost in los angeles,
simone
Dear Simone,
Oh, sweetie, coworkers are the devil.
They'll steal your chair or talk about their boring lives or bring in herring chutney to heat up the microwave. But the worst fucking thing? Is that they expect you to do stuff. What are you? The Bionic Woman? You've got a lot on your plate without having to show up every day and ostensibly do work with a non-hateful attitude.
Here's what you need to do:
Pretend you are a secret agent and it is of vital importance that these douchebags think you're a really, really nice person who actually gives a shit about the job and their lives. Or, if you've always wanted to be an actor, this is the perfect opportunity for you to get your thespian on. Pick out a character - Sally Sunshine! - and give her a backstory. Maybe she's only got one kidney; maybe she has 10 cats. Whatever it is, commit like you've got a Daytime Emmy on the line [it counts as EGOT].
Alternately, you can be that person in meetings who tosses out ideas that end up using all the office supplies as well as the world's supply of paradigms. You'll be CEO in no time - and that rat bastard gets an office with a door that closes and a couch and probably a secretary to bang.
See you in the salt mines.
********
Hi, yeah, I have a parenting question:
My child recently called me a cuntface. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Confused Mom
Dear Confused Mom,
This right here is the perfect opportunity to pull out that most excellent parenting technique DO AS I SAY AND NOT AS I DO. This technique is also applicable for drinking, smoking, having an affair and eating McDonalds for breakfast when you are hungover from drinking and smoking and having an affair.
I'd also advise you to stick really close to your child, not because he or she needs quality parenting time, but because proximity is the best way to cause mortification and for being such a disrespectful wanker, your kid gets extra-helpings of you calling out embarrassing nicknames and licking your finger to wipe a bit of dirt off of his or her face while he or she is hanging out with his or her* friends.
*Next time, I'm picking a gender specific pronoun and just using the one.
****************
So that's what I've got this week. I've not been able to catch up on the news, but I know that London was on fire [rebellion in the streets] and the stock market yo-yo'd [I hope those fucking assholes made a ton of money giving people a heart attack] and the Republican candidates stood around in Iowa talking about vaginas. Wait. What?
Let me know what you've got going on. And if you want your etiquette question answered, I'd suggest writing in to the incomparable Miss Manners [I LOVE HER SO MUCH]. If you have other issues, I'm your girl.
XO,
S
Showing posts with label Civic Duty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Civic Duty. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Week in Review - It's like that, and that's the way it is
Hola, bitches.
I'm enjoying my new job, but not the commute or the fact that there's nowhere to park. I like the idea of living in a town dedicated to walking and mass transit, but the reality of commuting there blows.
You know what else sucks when you have to walk to your car further than your garage? NATURE. That's what. All I see are ants running around and leafy greenery reaching out at me in a menacing fashion. It's really annoying. I like buildings. And concrete. I find their sterility soothing.
But that's not really news - I mean, you knew that about me anyway, right? I'm lazy and hate nature. Duh.
What is news? Besides the fact that I am so loving all of you who have been guest posting for me, and all you others who are planning on posting for me? Well, this is news:
Hosni Mubarak is being tried for crimes against humanity. Huh. Good. I am impressed that he showed up in Egypt for his trial, unlike most others who skeddaddle with all the country's loot. I'm less than impressed at his record of oppression. Props to his Ronald Reagan dye job.
I am righteously pissed at Obama and all the dumb fucks who decided that it's a good idea to cut funding when it's so desperately needed, and also to hold a country hostage for . . . what? Pandering to racist loons? Uterus up, you bastards, and do the right thing.
In China, where there are so many kinds of outrage for crimes against its people, there are new reports about Chinese officials seizing babies for adoption in the black market. I just don't even have the words for this. Here, Spain, I'm sure it goes on elsewhere. How heartless do you have to be to do something like this? I mean, I'm pretty callous, but this is beyond disgusting.
And finally, some good news: New York's Mayor Bloomberg and that bane of right wing crazies everywhere George Soros are donating $30million each to a fund in New York City to reach out to the chronically disenfranchised minority populations. The program will work to better the circumstances of over 300,000 young black and Latino men. Good.
What's new with you?
[PS COUNTDOWN TO MY BIRTHDAY - YOU'VE GOT JUST OVER A WEEK, PEOPLE!!!]
I'm enjoying my new job, but not the commute or the fact that there's nowhere to park. I like the idea of living in a town dedicated to walking and mass transit, but the reality of commuting there blows.
You know what else sucks when you have to walk to your car further than your garage? NATURE. That's what. All I see are ants running around and leafy greenery reaching out at me in a menacing fashion. It's really annoying. I like buildings. And concrete. I find their sterility soothing.
But that's not really news - I mean, you knew that about me anyway, right? I'm lazy and hate nature. Duh.
What is news? Besides the fact that I am so loving all of you who have been guest posting for me, and all you others who are planning on posting for me? Well, this is news:
Hosni Mubarak is being tried for crimes against humanity. Huh. Good. I am impressed that he showed up in Egypt for his trial, unlike most others who skeddaddle with all the country's loot. I'm less than impressed at his record of oppression. Props to his Ronald Reagan dye job.
I am righteously pissed at Obama and all the dumb fucks who decided that it's a good idea to cut funding when it's so desperately needed, and also to hold a country hostage for . . . what? Pandering to racist loons? Uterus up, you bastards, and do the right thing.
In China, where there are so many kinds of outrage for crimes against its people, there are new reports about Chinese officials seizing babies for adoption in the black market. I just don't even have the words for this. Here, Spain, I'm sure it goes on elsewhere. How heartless do you have to be to do something like this? I mean, I'm pretty callous, but this is beyond disgusting.
And finally, some good news: New York's Mayor Bloomberg and that bane of right wing crazies everywhere George Soros are donating $30million each to a fund in New York City to reach out to the chronically disenfranchised minority populations. The program will work to better the circumstances of over 300,000 young black and Latino men. Good.
What's new with you?
[PS COUNTDOWN TO MY BIRTHDAY - YOU'VE GOT JUST OVER A WEEK, PEOPLE!!!]
Friday, July 15, 2011
Week in Review - Are you kidding me? edition
People kill me. The dumb things they do, the dumb things they think they'll get away with. It just makes me wonder if some people are born without a moral compass or if they just kill that part of themselves with Seconal and whiskey [is that too Valley of the Dolls?]. Here's what's been going on this week:
Oh, the humanity. Republican idiots & presidential hopefuls Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum [eeeewww] signed a pledge re: the importance of keeping marriage between a man and woman [because otherwise it's ANARCHY!] which also included the phrase
Rupert Murdoch [remember him?] is going to go before Parliament to answer questions about his really ridiculous, completely disgusting, horrifically amoral and patently illegal news gathering practices. How I WISH it was George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic asking him questions.
In Afghanistan [remember that place?], a suicide bomber, who hid his explosives in his turban, killed himself and three people and injured others at a service for Afghan President Hamid Karzai's brother, Ahmad Wali Karzai, who was killed last week in a suicide bombing. I don't pretend to have any answers, here. I'm not even sure what the question is. So much anger and hatred and despair.
There's been a massive drought in the US, one which could rival the Dust Bowl. Every county in Texas has been designated a natural disaster area by the Department of Agriculture [I believe right thinking people have already designated Texas a compassion and liberal disaster area for years. Too bitchy? I'll exempt Austin, then.]. So . . . famine, that's one of the plagues, right? Or a sign of the apocalypse? When did the Mayans say things were going to come to an end? I'm not paying any more credit card or student loan debts. They can chase after me in hell. Where I believe they have express tickets, so they don't have to wait in line.
And finally, some movie opened last night. I haven't seen it yet, but have heard it is the best thus far. I'm going to a matinee on Saturday morning with a friend, because I am old and my eyes won't stay open past midnight. I believe they turn into pumpkins. Anyway, I love the HP books more than the movies, and remember reading them to the girl [skipping over the gory parts] when she was small, and then she grew and learned and began reading for herself. We would got to the midnight sales to get our books, and go to a town nearby that would turn itself into Hogsmead on the night of the book sales. Still, I like the movies, and have seen them all in the theater when they've come out. I'm a bit sad I didn't go last night, especially when I dropped the girl off and saw all the teens dressed up in their Hogwarts finery. I'm glad I was able to be part of this in some small way, and will be even happier with my giant bucket of popcorn at 9:15 on Saturday morning.
What's going on with you? Did you stay up too late last night?
Oh, the humanity. Republican idiots & presidential hopefuls Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum [eeeewww] signed a pledge re: the importance of keeping marriage between a man and woman [because otherwise it's ANARCHY!] which also included the phrase
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President.Which, I don't even know what to say. Except maybe that these two doofuses are comedy gold? What the hell? They both tried to distance themselves from the passage once it was brought to light, and the group removed it from the pledge, but at a guess? I think they all still believe that. Assholes.
Rupert Murdoch [remember him?] is going to go before Parliament to answer questions about his really ridiculous, completely disgusting, horrifically amoral and patently illegal news gathering practices. How I WISH it was George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic asking him questions.
 |
| I would pay cash money to see P-Funk and Rupert Murdoch face off - would they take him on the Mothership? Source. |
There's been a massive drought in the US, one which could rival the Dust Bowl. Every county in Texas has been designated a natural disaster area by the Department of Agriculture [I believe right thinking people have already designated Texas a compassion and liberal disaster area for years. Too bitchy? I'll exempt Austin, then.]. So . . . famine, that's one of the plagues, right? Or a sign of the apocalypse? When did the Mayans say things were going to come to an end? I'm not paying any more credit card or student loan debts. They can chase after me in hell. Where I believe they have express tickets, so they don't have to wait in line.
And finally, some movie opened last night. I haven't seen it yet, but have heard it is the best thus far. I'm going to a matinee on Saturday morning with a friend, because I am old and my eyes won't stay open past midnight. I believe they turn into pumpkins. Anyway, I love the HP books more than the movies, and remember reading them to the girl [skipping over the gory parts] when she was small, and then she grew and learned and began reading for herself. We would got to the midnight sales to get our books, and go to a town nearby that would turn itself into Hogsmead on the night of the book sales. Still, I like the movies, and have seen them all in the theater when they've come out. I'm a bit sad I didn't go last night, especially when I dropped the girl off and saw all the teens dressed up in their Hogwarts finery. I'm glad I was able to be part of this in some small way, and will be even happier with my giant bucket of popcorn at 9:15 on Saturday morning.
What's going on with you? Did you stay up too late last night?
Friday, July 8, 2011
Week in Review - It's Friday I'm in Love
Oh, my lovelies, I have never been so happy to get to the end of the week. I actually slept more than an hour at a time last night [five whole hours in a row. IN A ROW. PLUS! I dreamed about Sawyer from Lost. Yum.] and my nieces are going home AND I'm going to a party tomorrow night! Yay! Party! With people!
What's been happening this week? Why, I'm glad you asked. Here you go:
JK Rowling said, "Never say never" about more Harry Potter stuff. SQUEEEEEE! Is it unseemly that a grown ass woman is this excited about children's books? Eh, who cares.
In an effort to stave off a horrific police and parliamentary inquiry and PR mess, Rupert Murdoch decided to close The News of the World, a tabloid newspaper in England that had been found to have hacked into the cell phones of child murder victims and terrorism victims and just seriously? Is this guy Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, but without the warmth? What the fuck? How do you live with yourself? Ugh. People make me sick.
In the great state of Texas, where they just can't get enough of killing people through the death penalty, the state decided to execute a Mexican national despite the fact that he wasn't afforded his right to meet with the Mexican consular when he was charged. Now, granted, this guy was a dirtbag and raped and killed a young woman, but the thing here is, Texas decided that it was more important to rush into trying and executing someone than it was to follow the rule of law which is that people get to meet their consulate when they are accused of a crime. A few more months was not going to matter to anyone at the start of this case, and certainly not now, except maybe to Rick Perry trying to build his bona fides with crazed isolationists. Adhering to international law means you have a leg up when someone from your country is in a precarious legal position [i.e. Amanda Knox].
In more legal news, you all know that Casey Anthony was found not guilty. I did not follow the case very closely and while I understand the visceral uproar over this - a child is dead, after all - I am not overly surprised at the result. While the states that have the death penalty have zero problems with putting it into action [see above] there is a marked disparity about who is actually put into this situation. And it should come as no surprise that it is mostly black men who murder white people who are ultimately executed. A young white woman is very seldom going to be put on death row.
In news of the what the hell? variety, evidently Spain has had a history of stealing babies and selling them for adoption. WHAT? Yeah. This began as a means of punishing leftist families under Franco [again, WHAT?] but took on a life of its own, with doctors, nurses and nuns [WHAT??] having colluded to steal babies who were just born and selling them off to a criminal network. Parents were told their babies had died and were buried. I can't even . . . WHAT THE FUCK?
And now as a palate cleanser of good news, Tom Hanks is bringing pollution free scooters to India. I have not traveled to India, as I would prefer to have diarrhea in my own home where there is a working toilet, but my understanding from friends is that there is traffic unlike any other place on earth. These scooters would make a small difference, but hopefully set the stage for more change. Bosom Buddies, Big, scooters. Is there anything this man can't do?
What have you got for me? I'm dying to know.
What's been happening this week? Why, I'm glad you asked. Here you go:
JK Rowling said, "Never say never" about more Harry Potter stuff. SQUEEEEEE! Is it unseemly that a grown ass woman is this excited about children's books? Eh, who cares.
In an effort to stave off a horrific police and parliamentary inquiry and PR mess, Rupert Murdoch decided to close The News of the World, a tabloid newspaper in England that had been found to have hacked into the cell phones of child murder victims and terrorism victims and just seriously? Is this guy Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, but without the warmth? What the fuck? How do you live with yourself? Ugh. People make me sick.
In the great state of Texas, where they just can't get enough of killing people through the death penalty, the state decided to execute a Mexican national despite the fact that he wasn't afforded his right to meet with the Mexican consular when he was charged. Now, granted, this guy was a dirtbag and raped and killed a young woman, but the thing here is, Texas decided that it was more important to rush into trying and executing someone than it was to follow the rule of law which is that people get to meet their consulate when they are accused of a crime. A few more months was not going to matter to anyone at the start of this case, and certainly not now, except maybe to Rick Perry trying to build his bona fides with crazed isolationists. Adhering to international law means you have a leg up when someone from your country is in a precarious legal position [i.e. Amanda Knox].
In more legal news, you all know that Casey Anthony was found not guilty. I did not follow the case very closely and while I understand the visceral uproar over this - a child is dead, after all - I am not overly surprised at the result. While the states that have the death penalty have zero problems with putting it into action [see above] there is a marked disparity about who is actually put into this situation. And it should come as no surprise that it is mostly black men who murder white people who are ultimately executed. A young white woman is very seldom going to be put on death row.
In news of the what the hell? variety, evidently Spain has had a history of stealing babies and selling them for adoption. WHAT? Yeah. This began as a means of punishing leftist families under Franco [again, WHAT?] but took on a life of its own, with doctors, nurses and nuns [WHAT??] having colluded to steal babies who were just born and selling them off to a criminal network. Parents were told their babies had died and were buried. I can't even . . . WHAT THE FUCK?
And now as a palate cleanser of good news, Tom Hanks is bringing pollution free scooters to India. I have not traveled to India, as I would prefer to have diarrhea in my own home where there is a working toilet, but my understanding from friends is that there is traffic unlike any other place on earth. These scooters would make a small difference, but hopefully set the stage for more change. Bosom Buddies, Big, scooters. Is there anything this man can't do?
What have you got for me? I'm dying to know.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Week in Review - Still questioning what is wrong with people. Answer? EVERYTHING.
Oh, my lovelies, how ARE you? I'm delightful, what with my fun-filled week and the upcoming weekend of FAMILY TIME ALL THE TIME. Please come over. The week has been an interesting one, so let's check it out, shall we?
Evidently Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been in Cuba for the past few weeks seeking some of that excellent Communist medical care [seriously WHERE IS MY OBAMACARE?]. His supporters are praying for him to get better. I confess, I'm a fan of Chavez's outrageous antics, just like I am of Fidel's, so to have the two of them together? AWESOME. Also, you know how Fidel has his brother Raul stepping up to take over? Hugo has a brother who's got his back, too! Isn't that cool? Hugo's brother, Adan, has stepped up and is doing PR re: Hugo's health. I love my South American political firebrands.
France is kicking things up a notch by arming the rebels in Libya. I'm kind of o.k. with this. I'm not a fan of fighting or war or despotism, but I'm pretty good with leveling the playing field.
In what I can only hope is going to bring some much needed levity to the upcoming election [which is STILL over a year away. Take it down a notch, news people.], Stephen Colbert has set up a Super PAC so that he can create political ads to run on his show. I am more than a little excited about this.
This isn't really news, but it's been bugging me: How come it's all right when Glenn Beck and John Boehner cry like fucking babies, but when Hillary Clinton teared up while discussing her bid for the presidential nomination and her struggles as a woman, she was a pussy? An even bigger pussy than just being a woman makes her? That still pisses me off.
In news of the Of Course He Did variety, that guy who hosts To Catch a Predator was caught on tape having an extra-marital affair. Well, duh. I've never actually watched the show, but for an excellent recap of the show, the douche and his diddling, check out Hate You, Probably's latest post.
These two people, Will & Kate, are visiting Canada this week. Um, Canadian blogger friends, hook a girl up with some dirt, o.k.? Or an invitation to hang out. Hell, why don't you snag them and come over for our 4th of July celebration? I promise not to rub their nose in our FREEDOM! [Aside: I found some excellent decorations at the dollar store {which I loathe, because ugh, but I went to anyway, because poor} that included a screaming eagle like Stephen Colbert has on his intro. I waffled & didn't get it, but my sister stopped in and picked it up and IT IS AWESOME so be ready for photos of how patriotic and AWESOME our party will be. If you're too busy or cool to stop by. Whatever.]
In more personal news, I already loved Tina Fey, but I am listening to her read her Bossypants book as an audiobook and people? I LOVE HER MORE NOW. If you haven't read this, get it. I'm going to get a book copy AND an audiobook because that way I can not only read it whenever I want, I can also listen to her read and pretend we're friends and are hanging out. Shut up. It's not that sad.
And in other news, I'm over at The Scoop on Poop, where I'm The Best Scoop of the Week today [of ice cream, not poop, don't be gross], and where I'll be guest posting on Monday. Go on over now and see who I would be if I could be anyone for a day. Go on. You'll never guess who.
What are your plans for the weekend? Anything interesting happen that I should know about? Do you know Tina Fey and can you maybe give her my contact info?
Evidently Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been in Cuba for the past few weeks seeking some of that excellent Communist medical care [seriously WHERE IS MY OBAMACARE?]. His supporters are praying for him to get better. I confess, I'm a fan of Chavez's outrageous antics, just like I am of Fidel's, so to have the two of them together? AWESOME. Also, you know how Fidel has his brother Raul stepping up to take over? Hugo has a brother who's got his back, too! Isn't that cool? Hugo's brother, Adan, has stepped up and is doing PR re: Hugo's health. I love my South American political firebrands.
France is kicking things up a notch by arming the rebels in Libya. I'm kind of o.k. with this. I'm not a fan of fighting or war or despotism, but I'm pretty good with leveling the playing field.
In what I can only hope is going to bring some much needed levity to the upcoming election [which is STILL over a year away. Take it down a notch, news people.], Stephen Colbert has set up a Super PAC so that he can create political ads to run on his show. I am more than a little excited about this.
This isn't really news, but it's been bugging me: How come it's all right when Glenn Beck and John Boehner cry like fucking babies, but when Hillary Clinton teared up while discussing her bid for the presidential nomination and her struggles as a woman, she was a pussy? An even bigger pussy than just being a woman makes her? That still pisses me off.
In news of the Of Course He Did variety, that guy who hosts To Catch a Predator was caught on tape having an extra-marital affair. Well, duh. I've never actually watched the show, but for an excellent recap of the show, the douche and his diddling, check out Hate You, Probably's latest post.
These two people, Will & Kate, are visiting Canada this week. Um, Canadian blogger friends, hook a girl up with some dirt, o.k.? Or an invitation to hang out. Hell, why don't you snag them and come over for our 4th of July celebration? I promise not to rub their nose in our FREEDOM! [Aside: I found some excellent decorations at the dollar store {which I loathe, because ugh, but I went to anyway, because poor} that included a screaming eagle like Stephen Colbert has on his intro. I waffled & didn't get it, but my sister stopped in and picked it up and IT IS AWESOME so be ready for photos of how patriotic and AWESOME our party will be. If you're too busy or cool to stop by. Whatever.]
In more personal news, I already loved Tina Fey, but I am listening to her read her Bossypants book as an audiobook and people? I LOVE HER MORE NOW. If you haven't read this, get it. I'm going to get a book copy AND an audiobook because that way I can not only read it whenever I want, I can also listen to her read and pretend we're friends and are hanging out. Shut up. It's not that sad.
And in other news, I'm over at The Scoop on Poop, where I'm The Best Scoop of the Week today [of ice cream, not poop, don't be gross], and where I'll be guest posting on Monday. Go on over now and see who I would be if I could be anyone for a day. Go on. You'll never guess who.
What are your plans for the weekend? Anything interesting happen that I should know about? Do you know Tina Fey and can you maybe give her my contact info?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Freedom may be just another word, or it may actually be a parallelogram.
Freedom. What does it mean? [I know, don't I sound JUST LIKE a 10th grade Social Studies paper?]
To my idiot neighbor, it means he's allowed to yell, "DAVE. . . . . . . DAVE . . . . . . . DAVE!" at the top of his lungs at 9:00pm on a coolish evening when everyone else's windows are open.
To my daughter, it means she's got 1.5 days left of school and she can almost taste that sweet, sweet nectar of not having to put up with the rules and regulations of the public school system for 12 WHOLE WEEKS.
For me, it means not having to screw my psyche into being someone I'm not. It means being me.
To many others, to this country, it means a lot more. Juneteenth is coming up fast, and I love the whole story in a sad, amazing way.
And not only is that celebration of freedom coming up, so is another amazing one:
Do you know Unmitigated Me?
Why not?
She's awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I have actually met her in the real world outside my computer and maybe think she has pretty shiny hair. She's also got a great job and is inviting the WORLD to see the ACTUAL, FOR REAL, NO LIE, Emancipation Proclamation.
The real one.
Perhaps you've heard of it?
Here's her post. The Emancipation Proclamation is going to be at The Henry Ford Museum, which will be open around the clock from Monday, June 20, 2011, at 6:00pm until Wednesday, June 22, 2011 at 6:00am. I'm totally going to go and check it out AND make the girl wake up at the butt crack of dawn DURING SUMMER VACATION to go see something educational.
Because how awesome would that be to see? Not just the Emancipation Proclamation, but that look of OHMYGODWHYAMIAWAKE? on a teenager's face.
But mostly the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, class, what does freedom mean to you? A prize for the best answer [and by prize, I may or may not mean a random something or other lolling around in my house]. [But I probably do mean that.] [FREEDOM!]
To my idiot neighbor, it means he's allowed to yell, "DAVE. . . . . . . DAVE . . . . . . . DAVE!" at the top of his lungs at 9:00pm on a coolish evening when everyone else's windows are open.
To my daughter, it means she's got 1.5 days left of school and she can almost taste that sweet, sweet nectar of not having to put up with the rules and regulations of the public school system for 12 WHOLE WEEKS.
For me, it means not having to screw my psyche into being someone I'm not. It means being me.
To many others, to this country, it means a lot more. Juneteenth is coming up fast, and I love the whole story in a sad, amazing way.
And not only is that celebration of freedom coming up, so is another amazing one:
Do you know Unmitigated Me?
Why not?
She's awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I have actually met her in the real world outside my computer and maybe think she has pretty shiny hair. She's also got a great job and is inviting the WORLD to see the ACTUAL, FOR REAL, NO LIE, Emancipation Proclamation.
The real one.
Perhaps you've heard of it?
Here's her post. The Emancipation Proclamation is going to be at The Henry Ford Museum, which will be open around the clock from Monday, June 20, 2011, at 6:00pm until Wednesday, June 22, 2011 at 6:00am. I'm totally going to go and check it out AND make the girl wake up at the butt crack of dawn DURING SUMMER VACATION to go see something educational.
Because how awesome would that be to see? Not just the Emancipation Proclamation, but that look of OHMYGODWHYAMIAWAKE? on a teenager's face.
But mostly the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, class, what does freedom mean to you? A prize for the best answer [and by prize, I may or may not mean a random something or other lolling around in my house]. [But I probably do mean that.] [FREEDOM!]
Friday, June 10, 2011
Week in Review - Sometimes you have to wonder about this world we live in.
I have to say, your answers to yesterday's completely scientific psychological profile questionnaire made my heart sing. I feel much better being on your good sides.
In the spirit of sharing, I'll let you know that:
1. I pee. In the lake. Sometimes in the pool. I'm SORRY. I have to go.
2. BUTTER. Or Caramel.
3. I know I shouldn't, but I do find myself wishing ill upon people. And then immediately trying to take it back, because, you know, I don't want karma to kick my ass.
4. Right now, that would be Come on Irene. I HATE THAT SONG.
5. Diet Coke. How I miss you.
6. TRUE.
And now, on to the news of the week:
Anthony Weiner finally copped to showing his junk. And then held a tearful press conference where, to his credit, he did NOT make his wife stand by his side. I have to say, I'm no fan of uninvited pictures of people's privates, but as a scandal, this seems pretty tame. He didn't have sex with his twitter gals, there's no surprise 15 year old kid, and there are no diapers involved [honest to god, Louisianna, David Fucking Vitter RE-ELECTED? I get Laissez les bon temps rouler, but COME ON.].
Something weird is happening in Australia - the entire country is BOOZING LESS. Yes, evidently drinking levels are at a 62 year low. What's up, Australia? Did you ALL hit rock bottom at the same time? Is is Ramadan? Or Lent? Or is everyone doing some GP approved cleanse? WHAT IS GOING ON? Australia + Drunkeness = Match Made in Heaven!
In Montreal, people were injured in a protest of a police shooting. Huh. Anti-violence protesters went to the site where two people, one an innocent bystander, were killed. And then they went nuts and started smashing windows and overturned an outdoor portable toilet [eeewww. Why are you touching that, protesters?]. Go figure. Canada is becoming Americanized.
In Argentina, an ash cloud from the Puyehue volcano is covering much of the country. And Argentina's president said, yeah, the problems are just going to be psychological. No worries. Just like how in Japan, it's now been ascertained that the radiation levels in Fukushima were misstated. As being half as high as what they actually were. Um. I'm pretty sure that anytime anything bad happens, you shouldn't listen to the people in charge. They're going to lie to you. I mean, I'm no scientist, but even I know inhaling ash or a reactor exploding is probably not good for you.
And speaking of scientists: Scientists trap anti-matter! HOW FUCKING AWESOME! We can now kind of almost make the world implode! SCORE!
What have you got for me, my lovelies? What's new? What did I miss?
In the spirit of sharing, I'll let you know that:
1. I pee. In the lake. Sometimes in the pool. I'm SORRY. I have to go.
2. BUTTER. Or Caramel.
3. I know I shouldn't, but I do find myself wishing ill upon people. And then immediately trying to take it back, because, you know, I don't want karma to kick my ass.
4. Right now, that would be Come on Irene. I HATE THAT SONG.
5. Diet Coke. How I miss you.
6. TRUE.
And now, on to the news of the week:
Anthony Weiner finally copped to showing his junk. And then held a tearful press conference where, to his credit, he did NOT make his wife stand by his side. I have to say, I'm no fan of uninvited pictures of people's privates, but as a scandal, this seems pretty tame. He didn't have sex with his twitter gals, there's no surprise 15 year old kid, and there are no diapers involved [honest to god, Louisianna, David Fucking Vitter RE-ELECTED? I get Laissez les bon temps rouler, but COME ON.].
Something weird is happening in Australia - the entire country is BOOZING LESS. Yes, evidently drinking levels are at a 62 year low. What's up, Australia? Did you ALL hit rock bottom at the same time? Is is Ramadan? Or Lent? Or is everyone doing some GP approved cleanse? WHAT IS GOING ON? Australia + Drunkeness = Match Made in Heaven!
In Montreal, people were injured in a protest of a police shooting. Huh. Anti-violence protesters went to the site where two people, one an innocent bystander, were killed. And then they went nuts and started smashing windows and overturned an outdoor portable toilet [eeewww. Why are you touching that, protesters?]. Go figure. Canada is becoming Americanized.
In Argentina, an ash cloud from the Puyehue volcano is covering much of the country. And Argentina's president said, yeah, the problems are just going to be psychological. No worries. Just like how in Japan, it's now been ascertained that the radiation levels in Fukushima were misstated. As being half as high as what they actually were. Um. I'm pretty sure that anytime anything bad happens, you shouldn't listen to the people in charge. They're going to lie to you. I mean, I'm no scientist, but even I know inhaling ash or a reactor exploding is probably not good for you.
And speaking of scientists: Scientists trap anti-matter! HOW FUCKING AWESOME! We can now kind of almost make the world implode! SCORE!
What have you got for me, my lovelies? What's new? What did I miss?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sharing is caring, in a way that staring never could be.
I feel like I've gotten to know you, my lovely readers & fellow bloggers & friends on Twitter. But I want to know more about you. Your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams. Your propensity toward becoming a deranged serial killer. I want you to share deep thoughts and amazing revelations with me. I want to know what your answers are to this highly scientific psychological profile:
1. If, say, you had to pee and you were in a chlorinated public pool, or at the beach, would you trudge back to your room or the locker room, or would you pee in the pool? Be honest. Even if you're wearing a Depends laden swimsuit. Would it make a difference if you were alone?
2. What's your favorite popcorn flavor? Is it something good, like butter or caramel? Or something only a person who hears fish talk [and then answers them, in fish language] would like, like cheese?
3. Is it wrong to wish ill upon someone who you feel has wronged you? What if that person is a jackass? What if that jackass makes you want to punch them? What then, Mother Theresa? HUH?
4. Speaking of hating, if you got to make someone you hate listen to one song, over and over, on repeat, what would that song be?
5. Coke or Pepsi?
6. Clueless is the best adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma, True or False.
Ok, friends, share!
1. If, say, you had to pee and you were in a chlorinated public pool, or at the beach, would you trudge back to your room or the locker room, or would you pee in the pool? Be honest. Even if you're wearing a Depends laden swimsuit. Would it make a difference if you were alone?
2. What's your favorite popcorn flavor? Is it something good, like butter or caramel? Or something only a person who hears fish talk [and then answers them, in fish language] would like, like cheese?
3. Is it wrong to wish ill upon someone who you feel has wronged you? What if that person is a jackass? What if that jackass makes you want to punch them? What then, Mother Theresa? HUH?
4. Speaking of hating, if you got to make someone you hate listen to one song, over and over, on repeat, what would that song be?
5. Coke or Pepsi?
6. Clueless is the best adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma, True or False.
 | |||
| Looks like we're going to have to make a cameo at the Val party. Source. |
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Oh, NOW I get why people hate lawyers.
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I was one of those happy Americans selected to report for jury duty.
This was my first time getting a summons, and I was kind of excited, except I wasn't going to be in the criminal courts, which kind of put a damper on my thrill ride. But still! Jury duty! I'd hold the fate of someone in my hands! Do you understand how much a bossy, controlling person would enjoy that?
Ah, if only it was so sweet.
I got to the courthouse at 8:20am. As an attorney, I am allowed to bring my cell phone to court. But, because I am a rule follower [except for posted speed signs and evidently, from my driving record, those No Turn On Red signs], and jurors are not allowed to have cell phones, I did NOT bring my cell with me.
I was pretty much the only one who didn't.
I brought my newspaper, a notebook [I'd spend my time writing! In longhand! Like the pioneers!], a bottle of water and not nearly enough Motrin.
I ended up at a table with 3 kind of older men. Two of whom would not stop talking. To me. About cars. And delivering stuff. And cars. And their kids. And the new diets they're trying. And cars. And their jobs. And cars. And how many times they've been on jury duty. And property issues. And cars.
The third guy? FEIGNED BEING ASLEEP.
We spent the morning waiting to be called. There were only 2 cases that needed jurors. We all had fingers crossed that we'd be out of there by lunch.
Nope.
I went to lunch and sat alone, enjoying the quiet. And the lack of talking about cars.
Back to the jury room.
At which point Jury Overseer dismissed half the group, since one of the cases adjourned for the day.
I was not lucky enough to be in that group.
The two talking guys were, though. And Fake Sleeper? Started laughing about how they wouldn't stop talking to me. I almost punched him.
We sat back and waited to be called down.
You know what's awesome about being in the courtroom either as an observer or as an attorney? You get to see everything that happens [it's actually pretty entertaining - I highly recommend going, but go to a criminal trial. A LOT of stuff goes on there. Opposing counsel arguing for evidence to be brought in or kept out, families giving each other the evil eye, attorneys gossiping about everyone in the courtroom.]. The juror room? NOTHING HAPPENS. You wait and watch the clock and wait some more.
As noted, I wasn't going to be in the criminal courts. I figured [rightly] that this would be an insurance issue. Is there anything more dull? Maybe a property issue. Maybe.
We were FINALLY called down to the courtroom for jury selection. I kept tensing up as the clerk called names and questions were asked of potential jurors. I kept looking out the window and at the clock, hoping that the jury would be selected soon, before finally giving up and reconciling myself to the fact that I would have spent the entire work day in jury duty - and make $25! WOOHOO!
At which point my only prayer was that I wouldn't be selected. During a break, a couple of people and I were discussing whether or not we'd be selected. The guy said he'd tell them he was going to wear his iPod. The woman said she worked checking disability claims. We all hoped we wouldn't be picked.
They were picked.
One after the other.
And they were kept on the jury.
And I escaped, having done my civic duty by showing up and sitting around.
This was my first time getting a summons, and I was kind of excited, except I wasn't going to be in the criminal courts, which kind of put a damper on my thrill ride. But still! Jury duty! I'd hold the fate of someone in my hands! Do you understand how much a bossy, controlling person would enjoy that?
Ah, if only it was so sweet.
I got to the courthouse at 8:20am. As an attorney, I am allowed to bring my cell phone to court. But, because I am a rule follower [except for posted speed signs and evidently, from my driving record, those No Turn On Red signs], and jurors are not allowed to have cell phones, I did NOT bring my cell with me.
I was pretty much the only one who didn't.
I brought my newspaper, a notebook [I'd spend my time writing! In longhand! Like the pioneers!], a bottle of water and not nearly enough Motrin.
I ended up at a table with 3 kind of older men. Two of whom would not stop talking. To me. About cars. And delivering stuff. And cars. And their kids. And the new diets they're trying. And cars. And their jobs. And cars. And how many times they've been on jury duty. And property issues. And cars.
The third guy? FEIGNED BEING ASLEEP.
We spent the morning waiting to be called. There were only 2 cases that needed jurors. We all had fingers crossed that we'd be out of there by lunch.
Nope.
I went to lunch and sat alone, enjoying the quiet. And the lack of talking about cars.
Back to the jury room.
At which point Jury Overseer dismissed half the group, since one of the cases adjourned for the day.
I was not lucky enough to be in that group.
The two talking guys were, though. And Fake Sleeper? Started laughing about how they wouldn't stop talking to me. I almost punched him.
We sat back and waited to be called down.
You know what's awesome about being in the courtroom either as an observer or as an attorney? You get to see everything that happens [it's actually pretty entertaining - I highly recommend going, but go to a criminal trial. A LOT of stuff goes on there. Opposing counsel arguing for evidence to be brought in or kept out, families giving each other the evil eye, attorneys gossiping about everyone in the courtroom.]. The juror room? NOTHING HAPPENS. You wait and watch the clock and wait some more.
As noted, I wasn't going to be in the criminal courts. I figured [rightly] that this would be an insurance issue. Is there anything more dull? Maybe a property issue. Maybe.
We were FINALLY called down to the courtroom for jury selection. I kept tensing up as the clerk called names and questions were asked of potential jurors. I kept looking out the window and at the clock, hoping that the jury would be selected soon, before finally giving up and reconciling myself to the fact that I would have spent the entire work day in jury duty - and make $25! WOOHOO!
At which point my only prayer was that I wouldn't be selected. During a break, a couple of people and I were discussing whether or not we'd be selected. The guy said he'd tell them he was going to wear his iPod. The woman said she worked checking disability claims. We all hoped we wouldn't be picked.
They were picked.
One after the other.
And they were kept on the jury.
And I escaped, having done my civic duty by showing up and sitting around.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Week in Review - It's Raining, It's Pouring, Shut Up With the Snoring
Oh, my darlings. I've been meh all week. I'm not sure if it's Labor Memorial Day Ennui [It's a thing. I swear. And I ALWAYS get those two mixed up.] or just the realization that Cougar Town is ending its season [I haven't watched the recent episodes yet; no spoilers, please.], but I've been so anxious and simultaneously lethargic. It's hell on my psyche.
But never fear! I've compiled a precise of things you need to know this week.
This week has been a monstrous clusterfuck, weather-wise. There have been incredible storms, particularly those that wiped out Joplin, Missouri. Give if you can - you know where your money should go.
Ratko Mladich, a war criminal for his actions in the former Yugoslavia, including overseeing the genocide of over 7,500 Bosnian Mulsim men & boys in Srebrenica, was finally found living in Belgrade, Serbia. Funny how he managed to spend the last 16 years enjoying the good life in Serbia's capital unharmed. Sad that so many Serbian nationalists still think he's a great guy. He's off to The Hague for trial.
Dude, COME ON. Obama signed an extension to the Patriot Act. Be extra careful what you say and do, people. THEY ARE WATCHING. Seriously. They are.
Prisoners are becoming quite crafty in getting a drug - Suboxone, which is used to treat opiate addiction - into prison by having their confederates on the outside crush it into a paste and smear it on coloring book pages, which their kids then color, and onto the backs of stamps. I know, I know, there are all sorts of socio-economic reasons that people turn to crime, but if you have this kind of wherewithal and ingenuity in pursuing illegal goals, think of what you could do in the straight world. You could be a hedge fund manager and really clean up! Legally!
In Canada, a Nova Scotia couple is suing the government. They want to grow medical marijuana, but are too poor to do so. So they expect the province to pay for lighting equipment, because they can't afford it on their disability income. They are alleging discrimination. Last year, a Halifax woman won a lawsuit forcing the province to pay her medical marijuana producing costs.
What can I say after that? Nothing. What have you got for me? I'm dying to know.
But never fear! I've compiled a precise of things you need to know this week.
This week has been a monstrous clusterfuck, weather-wise. There have been incredible storms, particularly those that wiped out Joplin, Missouri. Give if you can - you know where your money should go.
Ratko Mladich, a war criminal for his actions in the former Yugoslavia, including overseeing the genocide of over 7,500 Bosnian Mulsim men & boys in Srebrenica, was finally found living in Belgrade, Serbia. Funny how he managed to spend the last 16 years enjoying the good life in Serbia's capital unharmed. Sad that so many Serbian nationalists still think he's a great guy. He's off to The Hague for trial.
Dude, COME ON. Obama signed an extension to the Patriot Act. Be extra careful what you say and do, people. THEY ARE WATCHING. Seriously. They are.
Prisoners are becoming quite crafty in getting a drug - Suboxone, which is used to treat opiate addiction - into prison by having their confederates on the outside crush it into a paste and smear it on coloring book pages, which their kids then color, and onto the backs of stamps. I know, I know, there are all sorts of socio-economic reasons that people turn to crime, but if you have this kind of wherewithal and ingenuity in pursuing illegal goals, think of what you could do in the straight world. You could be a hedge fund manager and really clean up! Legally!
In Canada, a Nova Scotia couple is suing the government. They want to grow medical marijuana, but are too poor to do so. So they expect the province to pay for lighting equipment, because they can't afford it on their disability income. They are alleging discrimination. Last year, a Halifax woman won a lawsuit forcing the province to pay her medical marijuana producing costs.
What can I say after that? Nothing. What have you got for me? I'm dying to know.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Week in Review - Guys Are Assholes
God, guys are fucking pigs, aren't they? This whole week has just been one douchebag after another being outed for being an asshole.
Arnold is a baby daddy. Gosh, who'd have thought that this guy, with a history of inappropriate behavior and assaulting women, would be such a fucking tool as to bang his family's housekeeper [am I the only one thinking of Mike Brady and Alice?] and have a kid born within days of his own? And that he only copped to it after his wife confronted the housekeeper? And also only after finishing out his term as governor? My only surprise was that, as a Republican, he had adulterous sex with a woman.
And speaking of self-entitled douchebags, the now-former IMF chief decided his trip to New York wasn't complete without a little sexual assault. Another fucking tool with a history of assaulting women and completely inappropriate behavior. Do you think he and Arnold are congratulating each other for their timing so that the media focus isn't solely on one or the other? I kind of think they are.
Newt Gingrich implodes. And I, for one, can't think of another person who deserves it more. This sanctimonious prick, who, as I cannot stress enough, ASKED HIS WIFE FOR A DIVORCE WHILE SHE WAS RECEIVING TREATMENT FOR CANCER, evidently started shit-talking his own party's hardline attempts to dismantle Medicare which led to many a potential backer stepping far, far away from his purse-lipped melon head. Dude, you lost your relevance when people stopped caring about presidential blowjobs. And again, I can't stress enough, that this fucking hypocrite was getting his with a mistress while piously lamenting Clinton's ethical lapses. Suck it hard, Gingrich.
In more hopeful news for the future of our planet, the CDC put out a zombie apocalypse survival guide which was so awesome that it crashed their server. I LOVE whoever put this idea together and want to French kiss the person who o.k.'d it. This? Is why people should go into public service.
What are you planning on wearing for the Rapture? I'm thinking a feather boa.
Arnold is a baby daddy. Gosh, who'd have thought that this guy, with a history of inappropriate behavior and assaulting women, would be such a fucking tool as to bang his family's housekeeper [am I the only one thinking of Mike Brady and Alice?] and have a kid born within days of his own? And that he only copped to it after his wife confronted the housekeeper? And also only after finishing out his term as governor? My only surprise was that, as a Republican, he had adulterous sex with a woman.
 |
| I find this threesome markedly less skeevy than Arnold's self-involved fuckery. Yes, even though Mike Brady was gay. Source. |
Newt Gingrich implodes. And I, for one, can't think of another person who deserves it more. This sanctimonious prick, who, as I cannot stress enough, ASKED HIS WIFE FOR A DIVORCE WHILE SHE WAS RECEIVING TREATMENT FOR CANCER, evidently started shit-talking his own party's hardline attempts to dismantle Medicare which led to many a potential backer stepping far, far away from his purse-lipped melon head. Dude, you lost your relevance when people stopped caring about presidential blowjobs. And again, I can't stress enough, that this fucking hypocrite was getting his with a mistress while piously lamenting Clinton's ethical lapses. Suck it hard, Gingrich.
In more hopeful news for the future of our planet, the CDC put out a zombie apocalypse survival guide which was so awesome that it crashed their server. I LOVE whoever put this idea together and want to French kiss the person who o.k.'d it. This? Is why people should go into public service.
What are you planning on wearing for the Rapture? I'm thinking a feather boa.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Yes, I'm still on Blogger. I'm working on it.
Hey, remember that time last week when Blogger fucked itself and lost everyone's posts and comments and then didn't let anyone on the site?
Did Blogger get bought by Microsoft, too? What the hell?
So I'm planning a move, but that's going to take time because it takes me forever to get my shit together [hence, the still-delayed Etsy shop. It's coming. I swear.], PLUS I got a jury duty summons, so while you're reading this, I'm sitting in a room with hordes of humanity, hoping no one breathes on me. AWESOME.
Here's what's been happening with me:
*****************************
It's Raw Photos Contest Time!
Have you played before? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? If you have, you need to play again!
The topic for this round is:
SPRING!
Yes! Submit your unphotoshopped photo of what Spring means to you.
The full rules are on our Flickr page, but here's the gist:
1. You have to have taken the photo.
2. The photo has to be a raw photo. What does that mean? That means NO PHOTOSHOPPING. You can screw around all you want with exposure and white balance on your camera, and we'll even let you crop the photo, but that's it. (Both digital and digital scans of film are okay)
3. You have one week to enter a photo. You can enter up to two [2] photos per contest.
When we decide who the winner is, that winner's photo will be posted on our blogs Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce & The Suniverse, our Twitter feeds @andygirl & @TheSuniverse, and on Flickr. Plus, the winner gets an AWESOME BADGE to post on their blog.
Submit here. You have a week to submit. From May 16, 2011 through May 22, 2011.
Questions? Just ask:
awesomecrazylady@gmail.com
suniverse.email@gmail.com
********************
I've been having crazy anxiety dreams. Seriously weird. Like that I was running late to take the girl to the orthodontist, even though she doesn't have braces in the real world, and we got into a fender bender with a group of mean girls [and I swear to god, Lindsay Lohan was one of them] and then we had to go to the auto body shop, where a creepy guy fixed up the car and then asked where the payment from last time was [?] and then I kept trying to find the ortho's office on my iPhone map, but couldn't remember the street name and we finally got there and I forgot the dr.'s name, so we were waiting around, because I couldn't fill out the Who Are You Here To See form and then I cried because all these other people kept coming in and getting seen before me.
God. Even anxiety dreams suck, don't they? Nothing interesting.
So, that's what's been going on with me. Anxiety and photo contest and public service.
My husband is so lucky he met me.
Did Blogger get bought by Microsoft, too? What the hell?
So I'm planning a move, but that's going to take time because it takes me forever to get my shit together [hence, the still-delayed Etsy shop. It's coming. I swear.], PLUS I got a jury duty summons, so while you're reading this, I'm sitting in a room with hordes of humanity, hoping no one breathes on me. AWESOME.
Here's what's been happening with me:
*****************************
It's Raw Photos Contest Time!
Have you played before? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? If you have, you need to play again!
The topic for this round is:
SPRING!
Yes! Submit your unphotoshopped photo of what Spring means to you.
The full rules are on our Flickr page, but here's the gist:
1. You have to have taken the photo.
2. The photo has to be a raw photo. What does that mean? That means NO PHOTOSHOPPING. You can screw around all you want with exposure and white balance on your camera, and we'll even let you crop the photo, but that's it. (Both digital and digital scans of film are okay)
3. You have one week to enter a photo. You can enter up to two [2] photos per contest.
When we decide who the winner is, that winner's photo will be posted on our blogs Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce & The Suniverse, our Twitter feeds @andygirl & @TheSuniverse, and on Flickr. Plus, the winner gets an AWESOME BADGE to post on their blog.
Submit here. You have a week to submit. From May 16, 2011 through May 22, 2011.
Questions? Just ask:
awesomecrazylady@gmail.com
suniverse.email@gmail.com
********************
I've been having crazy anxiety dreams. Seriously weird. Like that I was running late to take the girl to the orthodontist, even though she doesn't have braces in the real world, and we got into a fender bender with a group of mean girls [and I swear to god, Lindsay Lohan was one of them] and then we had to go to the auto body shop, where a creepy guy fixed up the car and then asked where the payment from last time was [?] and then I kept trying to find the ortho's office on my iPhone map, but couldn't remember the street name and we finally got there and I forgot the dr.'s name, so we were waiting around, because I couldn't fill out the Who Are You Here To See form and then I cried because all these other people kept coming in and getting seen before me.
God. Even anxiety dreams suck, don't they? Nothing interesting.
So, that's what's been going on with me. Anxiety and photo contest and public service.
My husband is so lucky he met me.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Blog of War - The Reckoning
Hey all!
Remember how I did that Blog of War thing a while ago? No? Well, we're on to ROUND 2, anyway, so let's just jump right in, o.k.?
In this round . . . well, here's the scoop from The Puppet Master:
Welcome to Round 2 of “Blog of War”
The remaining 3 competitors are going head to head with each other, having been given the task of finding a small blog (less than 20 followers)
As readers please take the time to look at all 3 entries - There was clearly a little bit of over enthusiasm in the last round, with votes being cast before all the entries had been loaded ….This is not Florida guys, or even a one party communist state….
The links to the other entries can be found - Link to Blog of War – round 2
You have until the 21st May to vote - This is done by “following” one of the selected blogs and should be based on the job that the competitors have done in selecting a good blog and how well they have championed that blog. ….
Please note. If you happen to like more than one of the featured blogs my advice in order not to nullify your vote is go back and follow the 2nd or even 3rd blog after the 21st May)
Are you already in love with that name? Of course you are. You'll be even MORE in love with me and her by the time you've finished reading this post.
Now, why should you follow @HateYouProbably on Twitter and on her blog [mostly on her blog, because I kind of want to win this contest]?
Here are a few reasons:
Seriously.
Remember how I did that Blog of War thing a while ago? No? Well, we're on to ROUND 2, anyway, so let's just jump right in, o.k.?
In this round . . . well, here's the scoop from The Puppet Master:
Welcome to Round 2 of “Blog of War”
The remaining 3 competitors are going head to head with each other, having been given the task of finding a small blog (less than 20 followers)
As readers please take the time to look at all 3 entries - There was clearly a little bit of over enthusiasm in the last round, with votes being cast before all the entries had been loaded ….This is not Florida guys, or even a one party communist state….
The links to the other entries can be found - Link to Blog of War – round 2
You have until the 21st May to vote - This is done by “following” one of the selected blogs and should be based on the job that the competitors have done in selecting a good blog and how well they have championed that blog. ….
Please note. If you happen to like more than one of the featured blogs my advice in order not to nullify your vote is go back and follow the 2nd or even 3rd blog after the 21st May)
Best of luck to all three contestants
Regards BlackLOG
***********
So. That brings us to today's post and my hearty exhortation to visit and follow this site:
Are you already in love with that name? Of course you are. You'll be even MORE in love with me and her by the time you've finished reading this post.
Yes, sure there's the possibility that HYP [that's Hate You, Probably, of course] already hates you, but! You might be that one person she DOESN'T hate. It's like a popularity contest of the most discerning kind.
Now, why should you follow @HateYouProbably on Twitter and on her blog [mostly on her blog, because I kind of want to win this contest]?
Here are a few reasons:
T-Pain follows her on Twitter. I KNOW, RIGHT! [Disclaimer: I'm not exactly sure who T-Pain is, except that I believe he's a rapper of some sort and he follows HYP on the Twitter.]
She's a do-gooder - she's started the Jeremy London Date with Destiny Foundation for @JeremyMLondon [perhaps his IMDB page will refresh your memory] who is suffering from Late Stage Mulletitis and desperately in need of a date with HYP.
She judges people based on the level of their Costco membership. That is taking bulk shopping to a whole other level. A hilarious, biting level:
There are three kinds of members: Gold Star Members, Business Members, and Executive Members.
If you’re a Gold Star Member, why are we friends? Don't even continue reading this because your membership level tells me everything I need to know about you.
AND! She had a Royal Wedding Birthday Party the day after Wills & Kate got married. Complete with a bridal gown, Princess Diana Sapphire Ring, guests in wedding clothes and a wedding/birthday cake.
 |
| Are you dying from the awesome yet? ARE YOU? |
It should not surprise you that I kind of want to make out with HYP - she is so. fucking. brilliant. And I haven't even touched on her dad thinking Justin Timberlake is a pussy.
Seriously.
Go.
Read.
Follow.
You won't be sorry.
Monday, November 5, 2007
You'll Never Guess What!
We have a new furnace!
There is heat in our home!
(It is also dark as fuck at 6:00pm - stupid ass daylight savings time.)
I have a bunch of windows open because of that new appliance smell. Ugh. I hate that. Also new car smell. Make me gag. Anyway, I set the thermostat really low so it won't kick on and make stinkies. So. Good job getting the furnace. Once it stops smelling I'll be happy to use it.
Today was invigorating, if by invigorating you mean it was a day where we didn't get 12 inches of snow threatened. So, yay! I'm not ready for winter. If I tolerated the heat better, we'd totally be living in southern climes.
Tomorrow is election day, so don't forget to vote. I love voting. LOVE IT. Exercising my civic duty makes me feel like I'm making a difference. (Please do not burst my bubble by explaining things to me. I'm enjoying living in pretend-land.) G is off so my dad will be over to watch her. Meaning I think we can go vote before work/school. I hope.
I wish everyone had election day off. Then we could have Election Parties and go vote and wear straw boaters and play banjos and have a parade!
Well, a gal can dream, right?
There is heat in our home!
(It is also dark as fuck at 6:00pm - stupid ass daylight savings time.)
I have a bunch of windows open because of that new appliance smell. Ugh. I hate that. Also new car smell. Make me gag. Anyway, I set the thermostat really low so it won't kick on and make stinkies. So. Good job getting the furnace. Once it stops smelling I'll be happy to use it.
Today was invigorating, if by invigorating you mean it was a day where we didn't get 12 inches of snow threatened. So, yay! I'm not ready for winter. If I tolerated the heat better, we'd totally be living in southern climes.
Tomorrow is election day, so don't forget to vote. I love voting. LOVE IT. Exercising my civic duty makes me feel like I'm making a difference. (Please do not burst my bubble by explaining things to me. I'm enjoying living in pretend-land.) G is off so my dad will be over to watch her. Meaning I think we can go vote before work/school. I hope.
I wish everyone had election day off. Then we could have Election Parties and go vote and wear straw boaters and play banjos and have a parade!
Well, a gal can dream, right?
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