Me, focused on the Twitter, absentmindedly asking the husband: Who's that guy that I like that's gay but I don't care because I'd have sex with him anyway?
The husband: Ralph Fiennes?
Me: He's not gay.
The husband: Matthew Broderick?
Me: I'm not attracted to him, but I think there are rumors that he is gay.
The husband: Paul Rudd?
Me: Definitely not gay.
The husband: Jason Lee? He's never dated anyone.
Me: Just stop it. Not gay.
The husband: Vince Vaughn?
Me: Are you kidding me? Not gay.
The husband: Matthew Perry. David Beckham. George Michael. Spike. The guy from Castle.
Me: Not gay. Not gay. Gay, but I'm not attracted to him. Not gay. Not gay. Why do you think anyone I find attractive except for you is gay?
The husband: It's a mystery, really.
Showing posts with label Lazy Posting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lazy Posting. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wearing a black armband in memory of funemployment.
Well, I'm back at work. I am thrilled to be gainfully employed and sad that my summer vacation ended so abruptly. And mad that I didn't have the funds to enjoy my hiatus. And happy that I'll be productive. And a little thirsty because it's still so fucking hot.
Speaking of gainful employment - I'm back to the hellish commute, so do you have any audio book recommendations? I like mysteries, but nothing too scary or aggravating, since I'm already going to be throw down-ready while driving. I also like FUNNY books, but make sure they are funny haha not funny I'm going to kill someone if this slow-witted idiot doesn't end it soon. Yes, Confederacy of Dunces, I'm talking to you. I've already listened to Bossypants 3 1/2 times in a row, and I just got the hardcover, so I'm feeling like I should branch out.
************
Anytime anyone has asked me if I've seen Secretariat [and this has happened a surprising number of times - evidently I'm someone who comes across as horesy. I said HORSEY, not WHOREY. Gah, people, come on. I gave that up a long time ago. Just ask the husband. Which you can, on Thursdays.], I always say yes. Except I just realized I haven't. I actually saw Seabiscuit. I would argue that they are the same movie.
************
Guys need to wear shirts while working out. And riding bikes. And walking down the street. I don't care how awesome you think your bod is, no one wants to see that in the daylight. [Mostly because it is never as awesome as you think it is.] While I am all about body acceptance, I am more about equality, and until I can walk around in the heat, shirtless, and not have it be a big fucking deal, no one gets to.
************
We have been very lucky for pretty much the entire time we've lived in this house in that we've had good neighbors. Not best buds, or anything, but good neighbors we can chat with and get together with and who aren't assholes. Until last January, when the neighbors across the street moved and couldn't sell their house and so they are now renting it to the most fucking white trash pieces of shit in the history of shitty neighbors.
There must be between 4 and 8 people living in that house at any given time, and there are shitty cars parked on the street and the guy has some sort of business where he rents trucks - the latest from Penske, so Penske, if you're reading this, you need to clean house on the people you rent your trucks to - and he parks them in front of his house until the business at the end of the street closes at which point he illegally parks in their lot.
I hate him and all his trashy family with the heat of a thousand suns, and so does my neighbor, so we spend a lot of time texting each other when we see them do something stupid so that we can call the city.
Have you ever had a shitty neighbor? Do pitchforks and torches work?
************
Don't forget - it's the Raw Photos contest this week. Andygirl and I can't wait to see what you've got. Submit your best PEOPLE pictures so that we can judge you. In a loving way.
Speaking of gainful employment - I'm back to the hellish commute, so do you have any audio book recommendations? I like mysteries, but nothing too scary or aggravating, since I'm already going to be throw down-ready while driving. I also like FUNNY books, but make sure they are funny haha not funny I'm going to kill someone if this slow-witted idiot doesn't end it soon. Yes, Confederacy of Dunces, I'm talking to you. I've already listened to Bossypants 3 1/2 times in a row, and I just got the hardcover, so I'm feeling like I should branch out.
************
Anytime anyone has asked me if I've seen Secretariat [and this has happened a surprising number of times - evidently I'm someone who comes across as horesy. I said HORSEY, not WHOREY. Gah, people, come on. I gave that up a long time ago. Just ask the husband. Which you can, on Thursdays.], I always say yes. Except I just realized I haven't. I actually saw Seabiscuit. I would argue that they are the same movie.
************
Guys need to wear shirts while working out. And riding bikes. And walking down the street. I don't care how awesome you think your bod is, no one wants to see that in the daylight. [Mostly because it is never as awesome as you think it is.] While I am all about body acceptance, I am more about equality, and until I can walk around in the heat, shirtless, and not have it be a big fucking deal, no one gets to.
************
We have been very lucky for pretty much the entire time we've lived in this house in that we've had good neighbors. Not best buds, or anything, but good neighbors we can chat with and get together with and who aren't assholes. Until last January, when the neighbors across the street moved and couldn't sell their house and so they are now renting it to the most fucking white trash pieces of shit in the history of shitty neighbors.
There must be between 4 and 8 people living in that house at any given time, and there are shitty cars parked on the street and the guy has some sort of business where he rents trucks - the latest from Penske, so Penske, if you're reading this, you need to clean house on the people you rent your trucks to - and he parks them in front of his house until the business at the end of the street closes at which point he illegally parks in their lot.
I hate him and all his trashy family with the heat of a thousand suns, and so does my neighbor, so we spend a lot of time texting each other when we see them do something stupid so that we can call the city.
Have you ever had a shitty neighbor? Do pitchforks and torches work?
************
Don't forget - it's the Raw Photos contest this week. Andygirl and I can't wait to see what you've got. Submit your best PEOPLE pictures so that we can judge you. In a loving way.
Monday, July 11, 2011
I Love Tina Fey - the post you knew was coming.
I can't help it - I'm in love.
I've been a fan of Tina Fey's since Weekend Update on SNL and I've loved her in 30 Rock, but now? Listening to her read her audiobook of Bossypants? It's like the stars have aligned and I have found my soul mate. [Please don't tell her and scare her off. Thanks.]
She is brilliantly funny and very snarky and so. very. smart. I love this woman. I want us to be friends.
I want you all to read or listen to her read her book, so that we can talk about it and I won't seem like a complete lunatic for my NON-STOP yammering about how hilarious she is.
But she is! Really!
Funny and insightful and a badass.
And one of the things I love best is when she talks about how, when she and Amy Poehler were on SNL, Amy Poehler did something funny, and Jimmy Fallon was pretending to get all offended and said, "Oh, stop it, I don't like it," and Amy Poehler turned on him and said, "I don't fucking care if you like it," and I thought YAY! Yes! THAT is how I want to live my life.
I don't fucking care if you like it.
That is Tina Fey's advice for me. For us all.
I think most of the regrets and angst I've had are when I try and fit myself into someone else's idea of me. Someone else's opinion of how I should live or behave or act. It stifles me and I feel compromised and ridiculous and it never works out.
This is not to say that I'm going to do something as disgusting as removing my shoe and rubbing my foot on the carpeting in a public place [seriously? DISGUSTING!] but it does mean that I need to trust myself and my instincts and my abilities more. To just be myself and realize that people may like me or they may not like me, but it won't matter because I like me.
And now we have devolved into 1970s I'm O.k., You're O.k., and for that, I apologize.
Anyway, I can't stop recommending Bossypants, or Tina Fey in general. 30 Rock is one of the best things on t.v., which sounds like I'm damning it with faint praise, but I'm telling you it is GENIUS. Plus, Alec Baldwin? The sexiest of the Baldwins? Nice. And LL Cool J was on it for an episode. YUM. YUM.
Disclaimer: I did watch Baby Mama last night [I AM NOT STALKING TINA FEY THROUGH MY ELECTRONIC DEVICES] and while I loved her, I was underwhelmed by the movie in general. Then I realized that it was written and directed by a man, who I'm sure is lovely, but seriously? A singing scene? A dancing montage? How cliche. All they needed was another montage of Tina Fey trying on sexy clothes, which they mercifully skipped and instead just showed the end result of her being sluttily dressed by Amy Poehler and it would have been an 80s cliche trifecta. Still, my love for Tina Fey remains undimmed.
What do you think? Is this getting out of control? Or is my love for Tina Fey pure and righteous?
I've been a fan of Tina Fey's since Weekend Update on SNL and I've loved her in 30 Rock, but now? Listening to her read her audiobook of Bossypants? It's like the stars have aligned and I have found my soul mate. [Please don't tell her and scare her off. Thanks.]
She is brilliantly funny and very snarky and so. very. smart. I love this woman. I want us to be friends.
I want you all to read or listen to her read her book, so that we can talk about it and I won't seem like a complete lunatic for my NON-STOP yammering about how hilarious she is.
But she is! Really!
Funny and insightful and a badass.
And one of the things I love best is when she talks about how, when she and Amy Poehler were on SNL, Amy Poehler did something funny, and Jimmy Fallon was pretending to get all offended and said, "Oh, stop it, I don't like it," and Amy Poehler turned on him and said, "I don't fucking care if you like it," and I thought YAY! Yes! THAT is how I want to live my life.
I don't fucking care if you like it.
That is Tina Fey's advice for me. For us all.
I think most of the regrets and angst I've had are when I try and fit myself into someone else's idea of me. Someone else's opinion of how I should live or behave or act. It stifles me and I feel compromised and ridiculous and it never works out.
This is not to say that I'm going to do something as disgusting as removing my shoe and rubbing my foot on the carpeting in a public place [seriously? DISGUSTING!] but it does mean that I need to trust myself and my instincts and my abilities more. To just be myself and realize that people may like me or they may not like me, but it won't matter because I like me.
And now we have devolved into 1970s I'm O.k., You're O.k., and for that, I apologize.
Anyway, I can't stop recommending Bossypants, or Tina Fey in general. 30 Rock is one of the best things on t.v., which sounds like I'm damning it with faint praise, but I'm telling you it is GENIUS. Plus, Alec Baldwin? The sexiest of the Baldwins? Nice. And LL Cool J was on it for an episode. YUM. YUM.
Disclaimer: I did watch Baby Mama last night [I AM NOT STALKING TINA FEY THROUGH MY ELECTRONIC DEVICES] and while I loved her, I was underwhelmed by the movie in general. Then I realized that it was written and directed by a man, who I'm sure is lovely, but seriously? A singing scene? A dancing montage? How cliche. All they needed was another montage of Tina Fey trying on sexy clothes, which they mercifully skipped and instead just showed the end result of her being sluttily dressed by Amy Poehler and it would have been an 80s cliche trifecta. Still, my love for Tina Fey remains undimmed.
What do you think? Is this getting out of control? Or is my love for Tina Fey pure and righteous?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Pop Quiz - It's hot and I'm tired and still have family over edition
1. Does sending a Hallmark card actually mean you cared enough to send the very best? Conversely, if you don't send a Hallmark card, does that mean that you just don't give a shit about the person? At that point, should you just save your money and not send anything?
2. Did you ever watch BJ & the Bear? So did I! Why?
3. If a person keeps humming, is it acceptable to start hating them for doing so? What if they are a child? Show your work.
4. If you had to drink only one beverage for the rest of your life, what would it be?
5. Do you ever dress your pets up in your kids' clothes? Neither do I.
6. Would you rather watch someone clip their toenails and smell them or pick their nose and wipe it on the wall?
7. Which do you hate more, Twilight or the devil?
2. Did you ever watch BJ & the Bear? So did I! Why?
3. If a person keeps humming, is it acceptable to start hating them for doing so? What if they are a child? Show your work.
4. If you had to drink only one beverage for the rest of your life, what would it be?
5. Do you ever dress your pets up in your kids' clothes? Neither do I.
6. Would you rather watch someone clip their toenails and smell them or pick their nose and wipe it on the wall?
7. Which do you hate more, Twilight or the devil?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
This day is already hella-long and not just because I'm stuck in a time warp where hella-long is still used.
I keep realizing, like I'm in Momento or I'm Dory, that it's almost JULY and I've not spent one afternoon outside enjoying this weather. What the hell? I mean, I know that the weather's been alternately 60 degrees and rainy or 95 degrees and humid, and I'm not much for nature anyway, and I hate bugs, but I get that weird I'M MISSING OUT feeling when there's a breeze and sunshine and I'm holed up in the house, ironing a 2 foot high pile of clothing because nothing says summertime like freshly pressed cotton. Or maybe I'm just sad that I'm ironing. Part of the reason I'm looking forward to having so many people over all weekend is that it will MAKE me be outside, enjoying stuff. Or at least I won't be ironing. I hope.
And a hearty thank you to all for your excellent advice for party activities. I'm simultaneously amazed/not even remotely surprised at the number of people who enjoy squatting over pressurized water. I'm debating getting disposable enemas and just passing them out as party favors.
[Many, many years ago, when the girl was small, my cousin and I took her to a nearby park that has water sprinklers/sprayers. There was a little boy who would squat over a near-volcano of water and had such a pleasured look on his face that it was like you were invading his privacy when you were looking at him. He'd squat there, for several minutes, get up and play with his friends for about 30 seconds and head right back over to squat some more. My cousin and I could not stop with the uncomfortable laughter, because he really, really, REALLY looked like he could have used some alone time.]
I'm heading out this week to get a sprinkler [that Mt. Tikisoki looks demented and awesome, but $50 is not in my budget right now], some sparklers, bubbles and lawn darts. Really, really pointy ones. And untangle our badminton set. And borrow one of those corn hole games. And then laugh about the idea that we are all going to corn hole. Because I am classy like that. And get a giant watermelon to spit seeds. Because we are also classy like that. And because if you can't be foolish with your family, who can you be foolish with? Besides just the general public, but they tend to be kind of judgy when you're in the middle of your third acappella rendition of The Pina Colada Song. [I'm sorry that now that song is stuck in your head. I hope you feel my pain.]
Last night, I made the most delicious strawberry sour cream ice cream. That ice cream maker? I am its whore.
I'm planning on making chocolate and maybe blueberry and another vanilla for the weekend. It's SO GOOD. Also, patriotic. Except the chocolate. Unless you count it as being the earth upon which this great nation is built. Wow. I should run for office or be in advertising or maybe just shut the hell up.
Sorry for the lame. Better stuff coming, I swear.
PS Just so you know, I would make out with the the non-mustachioed one - Hall. Mustaches just scream porn to me. I would also have to be very, very drunk.
And a hearty thank you to all for your excellent advice for party activities. I'm simultaneously amazed/not even remotely surprised at the number of people who enjoy squatting over pressurized water. I'm debating getting disposable enemas and just passing them out as party favors.
[Many, many years ago, when the girl was small, my cousin and I took her to a nearby park that has water sprinklers/sprayers. There was a little boy who would squat over a near-volcano of water and had such a pleasured look on his face that it was like you were invading his privacy when you were looking at him. He'd squat there, for several minutes, get up and play with his friends for about 30 seconds and head right back over to squat some more. My cousin and I could not stop with the uncomfortable laughter, because he really, really, REALLY looked like he could have used some alone time.]
I'm heading out this week to get a sprinkler [that Mt. Tikisoki looks demented and awesome, but $50 is not in my budget right now], some sparklers, bubbles and lawn darts. Really, really pointy ones. And untangle our badminton set. And borrow one of those corn hole games. And then laugh about the idea that we are all going to corn hole. Because I am classy like that. And get a giant watermelon to spit seeds. Because we are also classy like that. And because if you can't be foolish with your family, who can you be foolish with? Besides just the general public, but they tend to be kind of judgy when you're in the middle of your third acappella rendition of The Pina Colada Song. [I'm sorry that now that song is stuck in your head. I hope you feel my pain.]
Last night, I made the most delicious strawberry sour cream ice cream. That ice cream maker? I am its whore.
 |
| These tasty treats . . . |
 |
| . . . made this. |
Sorry for the lame. Better stuff coming, I swear.
PS Just so you know, I would make out with the the non-mustachioed one - Hall. Mustaches just scream porn to me. I would also have to be very, very drunk.
Monday, June 20, 2011
This is going to be completely incoherent. You've been warned.
I keep hearing/seeing/reading all about what to do with your kids now that school's out, so I'm jumping on the advice giving bandwagon. Here is what you do:
Wait until your kid is 12 or so, and then all they'll need you for is rides to someone else's house, or a large enough room for your child and his or her friends to sit around and watch movies, play video games or talk. Until then? I believe Valium offers the best ratio of relaxation : ability to continue to monitor your child. Good luck with that.
***************
I got an ice cream maker this weekend. I haven't used it yet, but I'm planning on making vanilla frozen yogurt tonight. I know, fancy, right? Except I was going to put in crushed up chocolate covered pretzels [three kinds of chocolate!], but someone ate them all. I think crushed up Heath bars are going in instead. Has anyone made ice cream/frozen yogurt before? I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant to do this. It's actually freaking me out.
****************
I'm starting a water aerobics class this week. It's called Arthritic H2O. I hope I can keep up.
Seriously. I'm more than a little concerned.
I did get really cute water shoes from Lands End, though. I had some cute ones, but cannot find them anywhere. Who would steal water shoes? Water fetishists? I don't want to know.
******************
I read 3 books in the past couple of weeks! THREE! One of which I'd already read, so I'm not sure I can count it. One which was so fluffy the pages were made of cotton candy. And one which was good and aggravating - London is the Best City in America. Good, because it was well written and captivating. Aggravating because I'm not sure how I feel about any and all of the characters. Has anyone else read this yet? Please do so, if you haven't, so I can talk to someone about this.
******************
I watched The Philadelphia Story with a few people on Twitter last night. I'd forgotten how good it was - and how much movies tend to suck now. I mean, I know that there were shitty movies since there were movies, but even the supposedly good ones now are not talky or smart enough to be considered that good. I need witty banter, not dick jokes. Unless that dick joke is a work of art. The dick. Or the joke. Either one.
On that note, I'm out.
Wait until your kid is 12 or so, and then all they'll need you for is rides to someone else's house, or a large enough room for your child and his or her friends to sit around and watch movies, play video games or talk. Until then? I believe Valium offers the best ratio of relaxation : ability to continue to monitor your child. Good luck with that.
***************
I got an ice cream maker this weekend. I haven't used it yet, but I'm planning on making vanilla frozen yogurt tonight. I know, fancy, right? Except I was going to put in crushed up chocolate covered pretzels [three kinds of chocolate!], but someone ate them all. I think crushed up Heath bars are going in instead. Has anyone made ice cream/frozen yogurt before? I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant to do this. It's actually freaking me out.
****************
I'm starting a water aerobics class this week. It's called Arthritic H2O. I hope I can keep up.
Seriously. I'm more than a little concerned.
I did get really cute water shoes from Lands End, though. I had some cute ones, but cannot find them anywhere. Who would steal water shoes? Water fetishists? I don't want to know.
******************
I read 3 books in the past couple of weeks! THREE! One of which I'd already read, so I'm not sure I can count it. One which was so fluffy the pages were made of cotton candy. And one which was good and aggravating - London is the Best City in America. Good, because it was well written and captivating. Aggravating because I'm not sure how I feel about any and all of the characters. Has anyone else read this yet? Please do so, if you haven't, so I can talk to someone about this.
******************
I watched The Philadelphia Story with a few people on Twitter last night. I'd forgotten how good it was - and how much movies tend to suck now. I mean, I know that there were shitty movies since there were movies, but even the supposedly good ones now are not talky or smart enough to be considered that good. I need witty banter, not dick jokes. Unless that dick joke is a work of art. The dick. Or the joke. Either one.
On that note, I'm out.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Yes, I'm still on Blogger. I'm working on it.
Hey, remember that time last week when Blogger fucked itself and lost everyone's posts and comments and then didn't let anyone on the site?
Did Blogger get bought by Microsoft, too? What the hell?
So I'm planning a move, but that's going to take time because it takes me forever to get my shit together [hence, the still-delayed Etsy shop. It's coming. I swear.], PLUS I got a jury duty summons, so while you're reading this, I'm sitting in a room with hordes of humanity, hoping no one breathes on me. AWESOME.
Here's what's been happening with me:
*****************************
It's Raw Photos Contest Time!
Have you played before? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? If you have, you need to play again!
The topic for this round is:
SPRING!
Yes! Submit your unphotoshopped photo of what Spring means to you.
The full rules are on our Flickr page, but here's the gist:
1. You have to have taken the photo.
2. The photo has to be a raw photo. What does that mean? That means NO PHOTOSHOPPING. You can screw around all you want with exposure and white balance on your camera, and we'll even let you crop the photo, but that's it. (Both digital and digital scans of film are okay)
3. You have one week to enter a photo. You can enter up to two [2] photos per contest.
When we decide who the winner is, that winner's photo will be posted on our blogs Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce & The Suniverse, our Twitter feeds @andygirl & @TheSuniverse, and on Flickr. Plus, the winner gets an AWESOME BADGE to post on their blog.
Submit here. You have a week to submit. From May 16, 2011 through May 22, 2011.
Questions? Just ask:
awesomecrazylady@gmail.com
suniverse.email@gmail.com
********************
I've been having crazy anxiety dreams. Seriously weird. Like that I was running late to take the girl to the orthodontist, even though she doesn't have braces in the real world, and we got into a fender bender with a group of mean girls [and I swear to god, Lindsay Lohan was one of them] and then we had to go to the auto body shop, where a creepy guy fixed up the car and then asked where the payment from last time was [?] and then I kept trying to find the ortho's office on my iPhone map, but couldn't remember the street name and we finally got there and I forgot the dr.'s name, so we were waiting around, because I couldn't fill out the Who Are You Here To See form and then I cried because all these other people kept coming in and getting seen before me.
God. Even anxiety dreams suck, don't they? Nothing interesting.
So, that's what's been going on with me. Anxiety and photo contest and public service.
My husband is so lucky he met me.
Did Blogger get bought by Microsoft, too? What the hell?
So I'm planning a move, but that's going to take time because it takes me forever to get my shit together [hence, the still-delayed Etsy shop. It's coming. I swear.], PLUS I got a jury duty summons, so while you're reading this, I'm sitting in a room with hordes of humanity, hoping no one breathes on me. AWESOME.
Here's what's been happening with me:
*****************************
It's Raw Photos Contest Time!
Have you played before? If not, what the hell are you waiting for? If you have, you need to play again!
The topic for this round is:
SPRING!
Yes! Submit your unphotoshopped photo of what Spring means to you.
The full rules are on our Flickr page, but here's the gist:
1. You have to have taken the photo.
2. The photo has to be a raw photo. What does that mean? That means NO PHOTOSHOPPING. You can screw around all you want with exposure and white balance on your camera, and we'll even let you crop the photo, but that's it. (Both digital and digital scans of film are okay)
3. You have one week to enter a photo. You can enter up to two [2] photos per contest.
When we decide who the winner is, that winner's photo will be posted on our blogs Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce & The Suniverse, our Twitter feeds @andygirl & @TheSuniverse, and on Flickr. Plus, the winner gets an AWESOME BADGE to post on their blog.
Submit here. You have a week to submit. From May 16, 2011 through May 22, 2011.
Questions? Just ask:
awesomecrazylady@gmail.com
suniverse.email@gmail.com
********************
I've been having crazy anxiety dreams. Seriously weird. Like that I was running late to take the girl to the orthodontist, even though she doesn't have braces in the real world, and we got into a fender bender with a group of mean girls [and I swear to god, Lindsay Lohan was one of them] and then we had to go to the auto body shop, where a creepy guy fixed up the car and then asked where the payment from last time was [?] and then I kept trying to find the ortho's office on my iPhone map, but couldn't remember the street name and we finally got there and I forgot the dr.'s name, so we were waiting around, because I couldn't fill out the Who Are You Here To See form and then I cried because all these other people kept coming in and getting seen before me.
God. Even anxiety dreams suck, don't they? Nothing interesting.
So, that's what's been going on with me. Anxiety and photo contest and public service.
My husband is so lucky he met me.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wow. Really Phoning It In Today.
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Having a nervous breakdown (ah, PPD, how I DO NOT miss you!)
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Pretty much the same thing - getting the girl ready for school. Oh, and waiting for my bar results. [I passed! SUCK IT, BITCHES!]
Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Doritos (PMS)
2. Apple and smoked gouda
3. Home made smoothie
4. Kettle Chips Salt and Freshly Ground Black Pepper Chips (PMS)
5. Banana and peanut butter
Five songs that you know all the lyrics:
1. The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music by Fraulien Maria and the Von Trapp Family Singers
2. Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
3. Paradise City by Guns and Roses
4. Rio by Duran Duran
5. Love Is A Stranger by The Eurythmics
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off all debts
2. Travel EVERYWHERE. Except not really hot places, because that makes me cranky. And nowhere really cold, because that also makes me cranky. So, travel to temperate climates.
3. Sell this house and buy a condo (no yardwork!)
4. Set aside money for the girl's and the husband's schooling
5. Buy every OPI nail color I could get my hands on
Five bad habits:
1. Procrastination
2. Negative thinking
3. Procrastination
4. Perfectionism
5. Procrastination
Five things you like doing:
1. Reading
2. Swimming
3. Playing Ms. PacMan or Super Mario 4 or Oregon Trail or Secret Agent Barbie (these are the few video/computer games I can play without getting VERY CRANKY because I don't know how to maneuver the controls and they don't make my head swim with 3D perspective)
4. Sex
5. Writing
Five things you would never wear again:
1. Fingerless fluorescent gloves
2. Side buttoning ruffled shirts [It's better if NO ONE wears these again]
3. Bras (if I could get away with it . . .)
4. A baseball cap (total Krusty the Klown hair)
5. Stirrup pants. In leopard print. [Give me a break - I was 19!!!! It was the 80s!!!]
Five favorite toys:
1. Mac
2. Digital camera
3. Deck of cards
4. That one that goes in my bedside table drawer
5. Knitting needles
Having a nervous breakdown (ah, PPD, how I DO NOT miss you!)
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Pretty much the same thing - getting the girl ready for school. Oh, and waiting for my bar results. [I passed! SUCK IT, BITCHES!]
Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Doritos (PMS)
2. Apple and smoked gouda
3. Home made smoothie
4. Kettle Chips Salt and Freshly Ground Black Pepper Chips (PMS)
5. Banana and peanut butter
Five songs that you know all the lyrics:
1. The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music by Fraulien Maria and the Von Trapp Family Singers
2. Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
3. Paradise City by Guns and Roses
4. Rio by Duran Duran
5. Love Is A Stranger by The Eurythmics
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off all debts
2. Travel EVERYWHERE. Except not really hot places, because that makes me cranky. And nowhere really cold, because that also makes me cranky. So, travel to temperate climates.
3. Sell this house and buy a condo (no yardwork!)
4. Set aside money for the girl's and the husband's schooling
5. Buy every OPI nail color I could get my hands on
Five bad habits:
1. Procrastination
2. Negative thinking
3. Procrastination
4. Perfectionism
5. Procrastination
Five things you like doing:
1. Reading
2. Swimming
3. Playing Ms. PacMan or Super Mario 4 or Oregon Trail or Secret Agent Barbie (these are the few video/computer games I can play without getting VERY CRANKY because I don't know how to maneuver the controls and they don't make my head swim with 3D perspective)
4. Sex
5. Writing
Five things you would never wear again:
1. Fingerless fluorescent gloves
2. Side buttoning ruffled shirts [It's better if NO ONE wears these again]
3. Bras (if I could get away with it . . .)
4. A baseball cap (total Krusty the Klown hair)
5. Stirrup pants. In leopard print. [Give me a break - I was 19!!!! It was the 80s!!!]
Five favorite toys:
1. Mac
2. Digital camera
3. Deck of cards
4. That one that goes in my bedside table drawer
5. Knitting needles
Friday, December 7, 2007
What I've Been Listening To
iPod Shuffle Top Ten
Dirty Mack - Ice Cube
Working Class Hero - Green Day
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
Fidelio Act1 /9: Duett: Jetzt Alter Jetza has Eile! - Beethoven
Symphony No. 5 in C Minor - Beethoven
Christmas is Coming - John Denver and the Muppets
String Serenade E Major op. 22 (4. Larghetto) - Dvorak
Flesh for Fantasy - Billy Idol
Round & Around - Alana Davis
Do What You Wanna: Mr. Scruff's Soul Party Mix - Ramsey Lewis
Because today I actually did some work!
(I highly recommend the Ramsey Lewis tune - it's off of Verve Remix #2. I love Verve Remix).
Dirty Mack - Ice Cube
Working Class Hero - Green Day
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
Fidelio Act1 /9: Duett: Jetzt Alter Jetza has Eile! - Beethoven
Symphony No. 5 in C Minor - Beethoven
Christmas is Coming - John Denver and the Muppets
String Serenade E Major op. 22 (4. Larghetto) - Dvorak
Flesh for Fantasy - Billy Idol
Round & Around - Alana Davis
Do What You Wanna: Mr. Scruff's Soul Party Mix - Ramsey Lewis
Because today I actually did some work!
(I highly recommend the Ramsey Lewis tune - it's off of Verve Remix #2. I love Verve Remix).
Monday, December 3, 2007
So very tasty.
I should not be allowed to bring pistachios into the house.
My tongue burns from the salt.
My tongue burns from the salt.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Dammit.
So Bloglines is down, which leaves me in quite a pickle, because I don't remember any urls to read any blogs.
DAMN. I may have to actually do some work. That is just grossly unfair.
DAMN. I may have to actually do some work. That is just grossly unfair.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
NaWhatNow?
I forgot that it's November, and so on the internets, it's NaNo something or other.
I did NaNoWriMo a few years ago and actually finished a novel. I haven't sold it yet, but there is hope.
I tried to do NaNoBloMo a year or two ago, but couldn't manage it.
I like the idea of doing something every day besides just eating and breathing, but I'm not sure what.
I'd also like to be a nicer person, so we can see how I aim high and don't necessarily fulfill my plans. But I'm trying, so I think that's good.
**********
We were talking about Litter Critters today. God. Funniest SNL skit ever.
"I made a whistle!"
**********
I can't believe there are only 2 1/2 weeks until Thanksgiving. WTF? How did that happen?
**********
Having one car in the suburbs when both people commute to work is generally o.k. when things go according to plan. Particularly when one of us (me) carpools. But when there is a hitch, then it becomes frustrating beyond endurance. And when you add into the mix that I'm still having panic attacks about driving on the freeway and driving on surface streets into downtown . . . well, then it's just a monstrous pain in the ass. All of it.
There's that positive attitude!
I did NaNoWriMo a few years ago and actually finished a novel. I haven't sold it yet, but there is hope.
I tried to do NaNoBloMo a year or two ago, but couldn't manage it.
I like the idea of doing something every day besides just eating and breathing, but I'm not sure what.
I'd also like to be a nicer person, so we can see how I aim high and don't necessarily fulfill my plans. But I'm trying, so I think that's good.
**********
We were talking about Litter Critters today. God. Funniest SNL skit ever.
"I made a whistle!"
**********
I can't believe there are only 2 1/2 weeks until Thanksgiving. WTF? How did that happen?
**********
Having one car in the suburbs when both people commute to work is generally o.k. when things go according to plan. Particularly when one of us (me) carpools. But when there is a hitch, then it becomes frustrating beyond endurance. And when you add into the mix that I'm still having panic attacks about driving on the freeway and driving on surface streets into downtown . . . well, then it's just a monstrous pain in the ass. All of it.
There's that positive attitude!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
It's Time to Get Wild and Loose
I don't know where the time has gone. It seems like I plan things out with the understanding that there are enough hours in the day to do them all, and then suddenly I'll realize I forgot to factor things in like drive time or waiting for other people to call you back or going to the bathroom (which can really add up, when you have a wee bladder). The day just flies! I do get disheartened when I try to factor those things in, because really? 1 1/2 hours to grocery shop? Should that take, like 25 minutes max?
Anyway, I've got megatons of homework and the house is filthy and we're expecting people tomorrow and I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anything about any of it. So in about 2 hours I'll spazz and try to do it all at once and then yell at E and it'll be great.
OR
I could choose to live my life in a new and better fashion. I could choose to say, you know what? It doesn't matter that there is a layer of cat hair on the ottoman. It also doesn't matter that the bathroom is . . . bathroomy and not sparkly shiny.
I'm trying to get to that point but it is hard.
************
In other news - we're getting a furnace on Monday! God willing and the river don't rise! (That's my new saying. It's awesome, isn't it?) I CAN'T WAIT!
It hasn't been too cold, and our house is insanely well insulated, so the temperature hasn't gone below 64 in the house (which is where I usually have it at night, anyway) and I try to use the oven every day which really kicks up the heat, but I'm so TIRED of people (meaning my parents) acting like I'm exposing the Girl to hypothermia. For the love of god. We're in MI, not the arctic!
**********
We're evidently having the 2nd Annual UM-OSU party at our house this year. E's been collecting returnables for the past year, so we're going to get our grub on. Join us, if you're in the area!
Anyway, I've got megatons of homework and the house is filthy and we're expecting people tomorrow and I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anything about any of it. So in about 2 hours I'll spazz and try to do it all at once and then yell at E and it'll be great.
OR
I could choose to live my life in a new and better fashion. I could choose to say, you know what? It doesn't matter that there is a layer of cat hair on the ottoman. It also doesn't matter that the bathroom is . . . bathroomy and not sparkly shiny.
I'm trying to get to that point but it is hard.
************
In other news - we're getting a furnace on Monday! God willing and the river don't rise! (That's my new saying. It's awesome, isn't it?) I CAN'T WAIT!
It hasn't been too cold, and our house is insanely well insulated, so the temperature hasn't gone below 64 in the house (which is where I usually have it at night, anyway) and I try to use the oven every day which really kicks up the heat, but I'm so TIRED of people (meaning my parents) acting like I'm exposing the Girl to hypothermia. For the love of god. We're in MI, not the arctic!
**********
We're evidently having the 2nd Annual UM-OSU party at our house this year. E's been collecting returnables for the past year, so we're going to get our grub on. Join us, if you're in the area!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Thursday
Last night was Open House at my daughter's school. Whoo. I forget, year to year how: Hot it is; How crowded it is; How much fun it is to see the parents I don't see very often.
So, it was all those things, and very different from Open House when I was a kid - where you went in and the teacher talked to you about your kid. This is a big spectacle, where there is a theme (Travel Around the World) and each class is responsible for creating activities and artifacts for each country (Stonehenge! The Leaning Tower of Pisa/Pizza Boxes! A kid dressed as a leprauchan!). I love the inventiveness these kids have, and how the teachers get into it, too. The office staff was India, and the secretaries wore saris.
So that was last night. And now, tonight, I've got a metric ass ton of homework (and housework) to do, and can't seem to get myself in gear.
I need a motivational speaker for my life.
So, it was all those things, and very different from Open House when I was a kid - where you went in and the teacher talked to you about your kid. This is a big spectacle, where there is a theme (Travel Around the World) and each class is responsible for creating activities and artifacts for each country (Stonehenge! The Leaning Tower of Pisa/Pizza Boxes! A kid dressed as a leprauchan!). I love the inventiveness these kids have, and how the teachers get into it, too. The office staff was India, and the secretaries wore saris.
So that was last night. And now, tonight, I've got a metric ass ton of homework (and housework) to do, and can't seem to get myself in gear.
I need a motivational speaker for my life.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Something in the air
There is much sniffling and inhaling of boogers going on here.
We are all sick. Or maybe there is too much cat hair in the air.
Or maybe both, because the Kid has been coughing like a coal miner, the Husband has been sneezing like someone in a job who sneezes all the time (an allergic feather duster maker?).
I feel like I got hit by a truck, and a rivulet of snot keeps making a mad dash out of my right nostril, as if it has a clandestine meeting with my upper lip to talk about how to smuggle booze across the Detroit River from Canada.
I think I need to lay down.
*************
Is it wrong that the Kid knows who the Butthole Surfers are (only "Pepper"! NOT Locust Abortion Technician or anything. There's only so much I'm going to explain.)?
We are all sick. Or maybe there is too much cat hair in the air.
Or maybe both, because the Kid has been coughing like a coal miner, the Husband has been sneezing like someone in a job who sneezes all the time (an allergic feather duster maker?).
I feel like I got hit by a truck, and a rivulet of snot keeps making a mad dash out of my right nostril, as if it has a clandestine meeting with my upper lip to talk about how to smuggle booze across the Detroit River from Canada.
I think I need to lay down.
*************
Is it wrong that the Kid knows who the Butthole Surfers are (only "Pepper"! NOT Locust Abortion Technician or anything. There's only so much I'm going to explain.)?
Thursday, September 20, 2007
It's Must Read Thursday
**I've been going swimming some mornings when I'm not at work or school. It always amuses me because when I get there, at about 7:45 or so, it's me and old people. I'm the youngest by about 30 years. Seriously. And I love the old ladies who have on their make up and have their hair done and are wearing jewelry while they go walking in the leisure pool (I'm too lazy to go in the lap pool. Also, it's very cold.). My favorite thing about it, though, is that 80% of the people wear glasses. While in the pool. While SWIMMING. It's too awesome.
**The Kid says "That's so cheap" when she thinks something stinks or is dumb. Other generations' slang is so weird.
**I had to go to a symposium today. I hadn't been to one in a while. Man. I'd forgotten how lame they are.
**I have sooooo much homework to do, but I don't feel like doing anything. I need a . . . I was going to say disciplinarian, but that sounds so dirty.
**I found post-its on clearance at Target!!! I love post-its. I wonder if 3M is hiring.
**You know what's awesome? This book. An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England. I liked it quite a bit, even though the protagonist is something of a loser sad-sack, which is normally the one thing I cannot abide (Fuck off, Confederacy of Dunces dude. And you too, Jane Eyre.). Still, a really good read, and far more entertaining than International Law.
**O.k., I really need to go do homework. Or at least pretend to and lay on the couch and watch t.v.
**The Kid says "That's so cheap" when she thinks something stinks or is dumb. Other generations' slang is so weird.
**I had to go to a symposium today. I hadn't been to one in a while. Man. I'd forgotten how lame they are.
**I have sooooo much homework to do, but I don't feel like doing anything. I need a . . . I was going to say disciplinarian, but that sounds so dirty.
**I found post-its on clearance at Target!!! I love post-its. I wonder if 3M is hiring.
**You know what's awesome? This book. An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England. I liked it quite a bit, even though the protagonist is something of a loser sad-sack, which is normally the one thing I cannot abide (Fuck off, Confederacy of Dunces dude. And you too, Jane Eyre.). Still, a really good read, and far more entertaining than International Law.
**O.k., I really need to go do homework. Or at least pretend to and lay on the couch and watch t.v.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Hi! It's Me!
So very cranky and bitter lately.
I'm trying to think positive thoughts and reduce expectations and still I want to smack people.
~~~~~~~
I'm thinking of watching The Reaper in a couple of weeks.
I've got no shows right now. I'm Netflixing the Sopranos, which is good (DO NOT TELL ME HOW IT ENDS! I kind of know, but I don't want to know.) but that's about it.
I did get really sad when I was listening to XM the other day and heard a song that was on Gilmore Girls (I can't remember the name or even how it goes, but it was about a girl, or something - brain's not working so well lately). Why did that show have to be ruined? WHY?????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus GG quote:
Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?
Luke: That's right.
Lorelia: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?
Luke: Only scarier.
See what I did there? I connected the two shows! Well, not me so much as ASP. But you get where I'm going with this, right?
I'm trying to think positive thoughts and reduce expectations and still I want to smack people.
~~~~~~~
I'm thinking of watching The Reaper in a couple of weeks.
I've got no shows right now. I'm Netflixing the Sopranos, which is good (DO NOT TELL ME HOW IT ENDS! I kind of know, but I don't want to know.) but that's about it.
I did get really sad when I was listening to XM the other day and heard a song that was on Gilmore Girls (I can't remember the name or even how it goes, but it was about a girl, or something - brain's not working so well lately). Why did that show have to be ruined? WHY?????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus GG quote:
Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?
Luke: That's right.
Lorelia: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?
Luke: Only scarier.
See what I did there? I connected the two shows! Well, not me so much as ASP. But you get where I'm going with this, right?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Feels Like Monday
The grind starts tomorrow. Ugh. I'm NOT looking forward to getting up at 6:30 and actually getting ready for the day. Not even a little bit.
But, I've painted my toenails a delicious red, and I've got my purse ready, and I'm thinking positive. I get to see my friend finally (she's been in Korea for the summer) and we can chat and mock and joke around.
Plus, it's one more day closer to the Kid being home. I miss her a lot - more than I did last year when she was gone a lot more. Surprising, since there were days when I felt like I was going to maim her for talking. so. damn. much.
ON A TANGENT:
What's your weakness? Mine is bags/purses. It's like I can't ever have enough. I'm not one who needs the latest label bag, but if I see a fabulous tote, I NEED it. Desperately.
I had a severe dilemma trying to figure out which bag to take. I ended up going with my summer utility bag, because it fits everything (and what a bargain - $3.74 at Target on clearance!).
And now, must get ready for bed. Or at least get in bed and read until I fall asleep.
Ciao!
But, I've painted my toenails a delicious red, and I've got my purse ready, and I'm thinking positive. I get to see my friend finally (she's been in Korea for the summer) and we can chat and mock and joke around.
Plus, it's one more day closer to the Kid being home. I miss her a lot - more than I did last year when she was gone a lot more. Surprising, since there were days when I felt like I was going to maim her for talking. so. damn. much.
ON A TANGENT:
What's your weakness? Mine is bags/purses. It's like I can't ever have enough. I'm not one who needs the latest label bag, but if I see a fabulous tote, I NEED it. Desperately.
I had a severe dilemma trying to figure out which bag to take. I ended up going with my summer utility bag, because it fits everything (and what a bargain - $3.74 at Target on clearance!).
And now, must get ready for bed. Or at least get in bed and read until I fall asleep.
Ciao!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
What's New With Me, You Ask?
Woooo!
So many things going on:
**************************
It was my birthday on Monday! Happy belated birthday to me! WOOHOOO!
It wasn't too bad. I spent the day putzing around and had take out for dinner (I didn't have to cook! My spazfest last year worked!) and enjoyed my delightful presents - Newsradio Seasons 3 & 4. Oh, my god. How fucking hilarious this show is.
******************************
Yesterday, I spent the day spending money (hi, food, hey clothing! How ya doing, stamps?) and panicking about spending money and then spent several hours online applying for every job imaginable.
I have a LOT of issues about jobs/money. I have not had a real job in years (except for last year) because I stayed home with the kidbit. Which is all well and good, except I can't seem to get any type of job in any type of area that interests me even remotely. So I'm back in school in the hopes that THIS graduate degree will be the lucky ticket.
And it fucking better be, because I will owe more than I owe on my house when all is said and done.
So then I panic about owing so much money. Because I have not historically been good with money. I have been BAD with money, to the point where I HAVE NO MONEY. And my husband is equally bad (but very calm about the whole thing. Go figure.) so it's kind of a recipe for disaster.
Yeesh. Stress is killing me.
*****************************
I'm going swimming today. Because all I've got going for me right now is the fact that I'm exercising 4-6 times a week. Sure, it's only been for the past 3 weeks, but it's a start, right?
*******************************
The kid is going on vacation for a week starting Saturday with the in-laws. I'm excited, but also worried, because she's going far away with them. But, I know she'll have a great time and really enjoy herself. And I'll be able to finish off my giant summer TO DO list (HAHAHA) while she's gone.
So many things going on:
**************************
It was my birthday on Monday! Happy belated birthday to me! WOOHOOO!
It wasn't too bad. I spent the day putzing around and had take out for dinner (I didn't have to cook! My spazfest last year worked!) and enjoyed my delightful presents - Newsradio Seasons 3 & 4. Oh, my god. How fucking hilarious this show is.
******************************
Yesterday, I spent the day spending money (hi, food, hey clothing! How ya doing, stamps?) and panicking about spending money and then spent several hours online applying for every job imaginable.
I have a LOT of issues about jobs/money. I have not had a real job in years (except for last year) because I stayed home with the kidbit. Which is all well and good, except I can't seem to get any type of job in any type of area that interests me even remotely. So I'm back in school in the hopes that THIS graduate degree will be the lucky ticket.
And it fucking better be, because I will owe more than I owe on my house when all is said and done.
So then I panic about owing so much money. Because I have not historically been good with money. I have been BAD with money, to the point where I HAVE NO MONEY. And my husband is equally bad (but very calm about the whole thing. Go figure.) so it's kind of a recipe for disaster.
Yeesh. Stress is killing me.
*****************************
I'm going swimming today. Because all I've got going for me right now is the fact that I'm exercising 4-6 times a week. Sure, it's only been for the past 3 weeks, but it's a start, right?
*******************************
The kid is going on vacation for a week starting Saturday with the in-laws. I'm excited, but also worried, because she's going far away with them. But, I know she'll have a great time and really enjoy herself. And I'll be able to finish off my giant summer TO DO list (HAHAHA) while she's gone.
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